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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Memento Mori
By Deb Z
 Lynda's llamas mark this week's sad events, in the latest instalment from the prolific keyboard of Deb Z. More llamafications can be found on the Fantasy Archers topic of The Archers message board.
Wiping the tears from her eyes with a black-rimmed handkerchief, Constanza sighed heavily and reapplied herself to her embroidery. She worked a few stitches, and then once again found it necessary to mop her face. She found herself wiping her nose on her embroidery and decided to give it up as a bad job. She began rolling up the silks and was interrupted as Wolfgang walked slowly into the shed. He blew his nose heavily and remarked:
"Phew, eet jollee chillee oud there."
"Si," agreed Constanza, "bud how ees he?"
"Steell verree upsed you know."
Constanza nodded wisely.
"He keep askeeng eef he deed bess theeng, stayeeng there or eef he should haf run find help."
"Eet understandable een circumstances."
"Yes, thad whad I tell heem. I say I theenk he deed right theeng, afder all eet was all verree sudden and eet showed great deal of loyaltee and affecÃon."
"Onlee theeng ees," Constanza hesitated before voicing her thoughts, "I juss hope he nod beecome like Greyfriars Bobbee. Starveeng heeself to death on grave ..."
"Surelee nod?" Wolfgang was horrified. "Afder all he steell haf Chreesteene, no?"
"Si bud eet nod same theeng. I keep theenkeeng how I feel eef anee theenk happen to Don Roberto an’ we leff weeth juss Leenda."
Wolfgang shuddered slightly and then tried to brighten the gloom, "Hey, you steell haf me!"
"Hmm" said Constanza reflectively, apparently not terribly comforted by this thought. "Eet nice way to go. When I deepard thees mordal coil I like go like thad. Walkeeng peessfullee on Lakee Heell, admireeng joys of nadure weeth Don Roberto an’ then pouff! all of sudden I no longer there ..." Staring into the distance, Constanza pondered this deeply affecting vision, adding a few gambolling lambs who laid primroses on her body.
"Eet geeve Roberto beet nasty shock!"
Constanza scowled menacingly at Wolfgang.
"I keep theenkeeng of all times we nod verree nice to George, like time you geeve heem foreign apple to identeefy or way you take mickee oud of hees accend all time ..."
"Eet juss joke," replied Wolfgang, ruffled. "He beeg hearded man, he nod bear grudge. Aneeway, ad leasd I deed nod preetend fall ’sleep when he was telleeng Leenda all ’boud tree plandeeng scheme!"
"Onlee beecause you were ’sleep! Howefer, thad all een pass, main theeng now ees we muss all rallee round, make sure Wald nod fall een deepressÃon. Lass year been veree traumadic time for heem whad weeth siege, fire an’ haffeeng go leeve weeth Santa Shula ..."
"Yes, I glad he haf one brighd spod look back on!"
Constanza opened her mouth to riposte, shrugged and said nothing.
"Wald say thad Daveed veree kind to heem," continued Wolfgang, "an’ offer heem counselleeng - though I theenk he may be beet confused ofer fact Daveed Pareesh Counceellor. Bud we deed hokey weeth Meetch, afder El Groggo tragedee. Look how happee he ees weeth Weelleeum now!"
"I theenk thad mighd had beet do weeth Meg."
"I nod theenk of thad," Wolfgang paused for a minute, lost in thought. "I tell you whad, maybee we re-eentroduce heem to Hermès?"
"Hermès?" Constanza was flabbergasted. "She nod eggsacklee een firss flush of youth!"
"Verdad, bud there life een the old dog yed!"
[Editor's note - to avoid confusion we should point out that, in the programme on-air, Hermes the Afghan hound is male.]
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