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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Ged me to thee temple on time
by DebZ
 A welcome return by Lynda's llamas to the Fantasy Archers topic of . Once again they have their particular perspective on events in Ambridge ...
Arriving back at the Llama shed in mellow mood, Wolfgang was met at the door by Constanza who posed the question which struck fear into his breast.
"Whad you theenk?"
"Umm," he replied, hoping against hope for a small hint.
Constanza waggled her ears at him.
"Aha!" he said, grasping what was required of him. "New reebbons!"
"Si, so whad you theenk?"
Resisting a strong temptation to tell her that they made her bum look big, Wolfgang temporised,
"Weell..." he said.
"I know, I know," said Constanza shaking her head sadly, "I know whad you gonna say."
"You do?" said Wolfgang, horrified.
"Si, you say they peenk! Bud there ees good reason for thees."
"You like peenk?" suggested Wolfgang.
"You see I nod know eef I should haf whide ones, as moss Chreestian weddeengs are whide, or red - wheech I belief ees colour for Heendu weddeengs, so I compromise," explained Constanza.
"Moss wise," said Wolfgang. "Chreestian? Heendu?"
"For weddeeng of veecar an' Oosha."
"Veecar? Oosha?" enquired Wolfgang.
"Do stop repeeteeng everee theeng I say! Mira, I haf made embroideree on them. Thees leetttle feesh repreesent Alano…"
"I nod know he Piscees," remarked Wolfgang.
"An' thees represent Oosha," continued Constanza, frowning at his interruption.
"Eet nod veree fladdereeng." Wolfgang squinted at the ribbon. "Eenfacd, eef I truthful, eet look like monkee."
Casting a withering glance at him, and through gritted teeth, Constanza enlightened him.
"Eet nod meant to be Oosha. Eet Hanuman."
"Ah, Hanuman. I theenk thad Jewish, no?"
"Doan bee seellee - you know veree weell thad Hanukkah. Bud I wonder eef eet nod bedder do Ganash?"
"For deessert?" hazarded Wolfgang.
"God eleephand!" snorted Constanza crossly, "Honesslee, you hopeless!"
"Hold on meenuto, you change you tune. Who was eet say, an' I quode 'Two reeleegions nefair lay easee een one bed'"?
"Some beegod, I eggspecd," replied Constanza airily, "Aneeway, eet too lade now, they alreadee haf."
Rendered almost speechless by her response and her apparent knowledge of the private, not to say intimate, life of Ambridge residents, Wolfgang tried again.
"An' who was eet say, an' again I quode, 'No good efer come of meexed marriages'?"
Struggling not to inform him that even if the Pope announced that he was marrying the Chief Rabbi and if she were to be invited, nothing, but nothing, would stop her from attending the wedding (or any wedding come to that) Constanza regarded Wolfgang stonily.
"Een my father's house there manee mansions," she announced.
"He finallee ged planneeng permeesion then?"
"The Gospel according to Santo John, chapter 14, verse 2."
"You mean there more ways to keengdom of God than through the eye of needle?" asked Wolfgang.
"Eggsacklee! Now, I wonder whad I make for Salieri to wear? Maybee she ask heem to be page boy. He look so cude een sailor oudfeet…"
Interrupting these musings, Wolfgang smiled at Constanza.
"I glad you feel thees way," he said, "Deed I mencÃon I converdeeng to Buddhism?"
"Ommmmm!"
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