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Listeners' Fantasies |
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²Ñ±ð±ð²õ²õ²¹±è±è°ù±ð±ð³ó±ð²Ô³¦Ã´Ç²Ô
by Deb Z
 Unsurprisingly, Lynda's llamas have been deeply affected by recent events at Ambridge Hall, as detailed in this extract from the Fantasy Archers topic of The Archers message board.
"Hmm," said Constanza reflectively tapping her pencil against her front teeth. Three down was proving particularly tricky. The door of the shed opened and Wolfgang walked in. "Oh goodee!" exclaimed Constanza, "maybee you help me. Whad ees ..." She stopped aghast at his appearance. "Why Wolfgang, whadefer ees madder?"
Tears streamed down Wolfgang's cheeks, his shoulders heaved. Finally and with great effort, he blew his nose on a large red handkerchief, took a deep breath and visibly pulled himself together.
"Constanza," he said, his voice trembling, "I theenk you bedder make nice cup of tea."
With knocking knees and shaking hooves, Constanza put the kettle on to heat. She knew that this was a real emergency.
"No," said Wolfgang, taking the teapot from her, "maybee eet bess I do eet. You seet down."
"Wolfgang, tell me, whad happen?" Constanza sank onto a cushion and Wolfgang sat down beside her and took one of her hooves between his.
"Eet Hermès," he said gently.
"Gone to beeg baskeet een sky?" enquired Constanza falteringly.
Wolfgang nodded. Large tears welled in Constanza's eyes and dripped into a small pool on the floor. Wolfgang handed her a mug of tea and a box of tissues. After a few minutes, she wiped her eyes and took a sustaining gulp of tea.
"Oh weell, eet onlee to be eggspected. None of us geddeeng anee younger. Afder all, she haf long, happee life."
"Si," agreed Wolfgang, "however, I haf sometheenk else tell you. Prepare youself for shock. Maybee I should add beet brandee to tea?" He poured a liberal dose into his and Constanza's mugs. "Constanza, thees weell come as beeg surprise to you - eet certainlee deed to me. Apparently, Hermés nod she but he!"
Constanza was swallowing a large mouthful of tea as Wolfgang uttered these words and she choked. Once again her eyes overflowed and a mixture of tea and brandy shot out of her nostrils - a most unpleasant experience - and it took several hefty thumps on her back until she was restored to some kind of coherence.
"Bud why nobodee tell us?" she wailed. "I make her - heem - hoofbag. I talk weemen's talk weeth her." She stopped, blushing at some of things she had confided in Hermès ear. "Mind you eet does eggsplain why we haf no luck geddeeng her and Wald together!"
"Si," said Wolfgang ruefully, "an’ I theenk he talkeeng ‘boud heeself when he tell me thad hees eenclinacÃons nod run to doggees of Hermès type!"
"Oh my goodness," exclaimed Constanza, horrified, "bud how we to know? I always theenk she named afder maker of laydees scarf een Parees!"
"I theenk eet rather afder Greek god ..."
"I nefer suspect aneetheenk. He haf such high voice and lovlee soft paws. How Leenda? She muss be moss upsed. Perhaps I should go up an’ see her?"
"I theenk she alreadee know ‘boud operacÃon. I eggspecd Aleestair make eet when Hermès steell young puppee - like Farinelli."
"Si, bud Leenda should nod be alone at momento like thees."
"Eet seem me she juss wan’ some time by herself weeth Hermès," said Wolfgang, a tear once more trickling down his face, "aneeway, Roberto soon be home ..."
"Ah si, Don Roberto, such a tower of strength," said Constanza, wistfully, "I pop up lader when he een."
The two llamas sat in thoughtful silence, which was suddenly shattered by Constanza.
"Eet hees fauld! He keelled her! I mean heem!"
"Who?" asked Wolfgang, startled.
"I nefer deed truss heem! He keell Hermès just as surely he pud gone to poor soul's head an’ pull treegger. Hermès die of broken heart - all thees talk of geddeeng reed of Aleestair, eet two much for heem! Come Wolfgang, we muss acd - eet time to re-surrect H.O.O.Ve.S!"
Wolfgang groaned.
"Pass me seweeng box. I embroider beeg banner, ‘Hands Off Our VEt, Sam’!"
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