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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Groweeng pains
by DebZ
 It's not only Pip who's struggling to reinvent herself, according to the Fantasy Archers topic of .
"You handsome beast," said Salieri, stopping at the front door of the llama shed. He smiled a snarl and narrowed his eyes menacingly - although the latter action could probably be attributed the smoke streaming from the cigarette butt clenched between his teeth. What luck that Lillian hadn't had the time to smoke the whole cigarette before jumping in her car and driving off to visit Matt.
He pushed open the door and strolled casually into the shed, "Hi" he said, only to exit hurriedly on remembering where he was. He tried again. He opened the door, bounced in.
"Hello you two!" he exclaimed.
Looking up from a complicated piece of tatting, "Waagh!" shrieked Constanza.
"Endeed," agreed Wolfgang, pouring over his drawing board, "Nod thee moss oreegeenal of greeteengs. An' eef I nod meestaken, he seem to be developeeng Americano accend, no?"
"Wolfgang," said Constanza, faintly. "Speek to heem!"
"I thoughd I was," replied Wolfgang, somewhat surprised, and then catching a certain look from Constanza, took the pencil from behind his ear, pointed it at his son and addressed him in stern accents. "Whadefer you mean by thees? You know whad time eet ees? You Mama been worried seeck!"
Both Constanza and Salieri looked at Wolfgang, surprised. Salieri was the first to recover,
"Tea time?" he hazarded.
"No I nod!" exclaimed Constanza, "Juss look ad heem!"
Wolfgang sighed and took a good look.
"Good grief! He haf pierced ear!"
"Si, an' thad nod all," hissed Constanza, "Eyeliner! Salieri, tell me you doan, you doan," she swallowed hard, "You nod haf tattoo?"
"No," admitted Salieri, sulkily, "Mind you…"
"Thank heafen for small mercees!" said Constanza, dramatically clutching her hoof to her heart and sinking back onto her cushion.
"He, he, he," laughed Wolfgang, "He reemind me of my Papa…"
"You know whad you Papa look like?" Constanza was frankly astonished.
"Of course, my Mama haf phodo heem. Eet when he going through hees new romanteec age - like Adam Ant."
Constanza stared at him open mouthed.
"He haf freellee reebbons too - you know, Preence Charmeeng, Prince Charmeeng -," sang Wolfgang, in an effort to elucidate further.
"I geef you Preence Charmeeng!" stormed Constanza, "Go an' wash eet off immediatelee! "
"Now, whad was thad one aboud Highwayman?" mused Wolfgang.
"Wolfgang! Go an' wash eet off thees instand! I woan haf you lookeeng like you other grandpapa."
"An' when you come back, you Mama sew up ear! … Hey, whad you mean by thad?"
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you" shouted Salieri, stamping his hoof. Tears sprang to his eyes, threatening to make his eyeliner run. "It's all your fault I don't have any friends!" He sniffed loudly, and ran into his bedroom slamming the door shut.
Constanza looked at Wolfgang, aghast. "Whad haf I done?" she cried, reaching for her hoofkerchief.
"Whad he mean he haf no friends?" puzzled Wolfgang, "He haf Scruffee an' Montee. Thad more than moss peeples een Ambridge haf."
"My babee," sobbed Constanza. Visibly pulling herself together, she gave her nose a hearty blow. "Thees all fauld of Peep Archer!"
"Peep?"
"Si, you see her ladely? Skirt no beeger than the pelmeet of my curtains an'.."
"Legs righd up to her ears," added Wolfgang, appreciatively.
Quelling Wolfgang with a glance, Constanza stood up. "I muss speak weeth heem. Who know where thees may lead? Juss look ad Annette!"
"Eh? But Salieri boy llama."
"Eet theen edge of wedge!"
"Ah." Abandoning all hope of following Constanza's logic, Wolfgang picked up his pencil. "I wonder eef Professor Jeem like revolveeng bookshelfs…"
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