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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Boxcar Wolfie
by DebZ
 Lynda's llamas have been viewing the latest events in the Grundy/Carter family with some disapproval, as this latest instalment from the Fantasy Archers topic of reveals.
"Tch, tch, tch." Constanza's teeth clicked in unison with her knitting needles. "Reallee," she said, "I doan know who annoy me moss"
Wolfgang whipped out his notebook and began making a list.
"I mean whadefer Susana Carder theenkeeng of?"
(Wolfgang placed a tick by one name).
"Telleeng Emma geeve Jorgé nice warm bath, an’ then sendeeng them back to freezeeng caravan. Eet be no surprise to aneebodee eef poor leettle mide contract pneumonia! An’ as for Kneel ..."
(Wolfgang made another tick).
"He led her! Led hees onlee grandson go back een cold. Eet nod righd!"
"You know," remarked Wolfgang, conversationally, "eet nefer do me anee harm. I was raised een shed weeth no central heateeng or runneeng wader."
"Yes, well - " Constanza tried to stem the flow of Wolfgang's criahood reminiscences.
"I remember sometimes eet so cold we haf break ice on toiled beefore we could go - none of you chemeecal toileds for us. We was so poor," continued Wolfgang, enjoying himself hugely, "we used stand oudside chippee for cast off newspapers ..."
"Cast off newspapers?"
"Weell, we haf no monees for toiled paper!"
Constanza regarded Wolfgang through narrowed eyes.
"We use to haf to ged up ad crack of dawn ..."
"No you deedn'd!"
"No you righd. Sometimes we deedn'd haf time to go to bed ..."
"Thees ees todal fabricacÃon of lies, an’ we strayeeng from poind!"
"Si," Wolfgang shrugged and picked up his notebook. "Where we ged to?"
"Emma." (Tick). "Selfeesh leettle madame! You theenk she mighd geeve up her conubeeal righds and put her son firs… but oh no, nod her. Where Ed go, there she muss follow, an’ thad another theeng ..."
"Whad you kneeteeng?" Wolfgang cut short the forthcoming diatribe.
"Eet blankeet for bed. Can you eemageen haffeeng to sleep under old coad?"
"We would haf conseedered eet height of luxuree an' ourselfs jollee luckee!"
"Oh shud up!"
"Maybee you should kneet Ed new had? Perhaps balaclaver - keep hees neck an’ ears warm. Or efen bedder, you make ginormeous had to cofer all caravan. An’ doan forged make bobble for top!" Wolfgang burst into loud guffaws.
Constanza regarded him in stony silence.
"Howefer, I can'd seet here all day chatteeng weeth you," said Wolfgang, wiping the tears from his streaming eyes, "I haf manee theengs do. Firs’ I muss find soap box."
"Haf you look een cupboard een Leenda's laundree room? I sure you find one there - you muss haf seen them when you up there other day?"
"Nod thad kind of soap box!"
"There other kind?" Constanza was frankly amazed.
"Eet for veecar's derby."
"He organise Derby? I muss ged new had, now shall I ged one weeth beeg floppee breem or peell box one weeth veil?" Constanza laid down her knitting and began flicking through the latest edition of Llogue.
"Eet nod thad kind of derby."
Constanza sighed and resumed her knitting. "I mighd haf guessed."
"Thees soap box derby, you make own go-card ..."
"So why eet nod called go-card derby?"
Ignoring this pertinent (or so thought Constanza) question, Wolfgang continued, "an’ then you race them - I eggspecd we do eet on Lakey Heell. Eet all een aid of veecars on wheels een third world."
"Ees thad like meals on wheels?" mused Constanza, "I theenk cannibalism ees abolished, no?"
Wolfgang threw her a look of contempt.
"Now, eef I remember, Roberto haf lod of wine deeleevered een wooden box ad Chreesmas, so thad do for main pard, then I sure I find old plank somewhere, an’ you can macramé streeng for steereeng, so basicallee all I need ees wheels ..." Wolfgang thought hard.
Constanza followed his train of thought.
"No Wolfgang, I absolutelee forbeed eet! You nod sabotage Jorgé's pushchair!"
"Good grief," exclaimed Wolfgang, shocked that she should think him capable of such an act, "I should theenk nod! No, I was wondereeng ‘boud caravan - afder all Ed an’ Emma nod goieeng aneewhere, are they?"
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