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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Thanks for ...
by DebZ
 It seems everyone in Ambridge said goodbye to Betty - including Lynda's llamas, if this contribution to the Fantasy Archers topic of is to be believed.
"Eet was lovelee funeral." sniffed Constanza, removing her ribbons (black, embroidered with loose change in gold and silver.
"Serveece of thanksgeeveeng," corrected Wolfgang.
"Whadefer." Constanza blew her nose in a white linen handkerchief with a carefully embroidered black border depicting tiny goats and chickens, "An' such wonderful speeches!"
"Hmm," said Wolfgang, non-committedly, "naturallemente, eef onlee they ask me ..."
"Oh of course!" Constanza raised her eyebrows ironically.
"Mind you, Pad nod striclee truthful - I remember seferal occacÃons when I ask Beddee for theengs she nod haf een shop, bud she nefer offer to order them for me!"
"I nod surprised!" retorted Constanza, thinking of the bizarre requisites needed by Wolfgang's wilder schemes.
"Howefer, Mike geef me veree good idea!"
"He deed?" said Constanza faintly. "I juss pud keddle on for nice cup of tea."
"Si, he say, eet beeg pitee Beddee nod there to enjoy eet all."
"I doan theenk he quide say thad ..."
"Near 'nough as make no deefference. Aneeway, eet seem jollee good plan organise serveece of thanksgeeveeng for me so I can enjoy eet too!"
"Pardono?" Constanza stared open mouthed at Wolfgang and a cup slipped from her hoof.
"Howzat!" Wolfgang caught the cup just in time. "I pud thad een eulogee - whad great creecketer I am!"
"You nod geef own eulogee?"
"Why nod? Eet seem I know me bedder than moss peeples, no?"
"No, si, possiblee." said Constanza, becoming flustered.
Wolfgang looked enquiringly at her.
"Eet nod veree ... veree modesto." Constanza finally managed to utter.
"Modesto?" said Wolfgang, mystified. "Whad thad god to do weeth me?"
"Eet nod done! Nod een bess circles aneeway!" Constanza tried again.
Wolfgang mulled this point of view over.
"How 'boud I wride eet for you read?"
"I probablee be to ofercome weeth grief to do justeece to you!"
"Doan be sillee - I nod be dead!"
"Aneeway, I theenk you wan' me to organise wake."
"Claro, bud you can do both!"
"No I cannod!" Constanza was becoming quite cross.
"I bed lovelee, blond Shula do eet eef I ask her! An' deedn'd she look magnifica, moss solemn and deegnifed een black ..."
"I eggspecd she prepareeng for deeceease of husband numero two," said Constanza, nastily, "maybee eef you luckee, she dreenk too much an' take you back to stables weeth her!"
"Lods of champagne," wrote Wolfgang in his notebook, underlining it heavily.
"Oh reallee," snapped Constanza, "geef me paciencÃa!"
"You nod entereeng eento speereet of thees," Wolfgang looked hurt, "eet seem me thees juss whad we need afder so manee monthses of gloom an' doom, we make beeg celebracÃon."
"Weell, you go 'head organise eet. Me, I haf much more importante theengs do. I haf organise my campaign for Pareesh Counseel - of course, when I ween, we could throw beeg pardee then, no?"
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