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Fantasies |
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Liz Shears
By Apollonia
illustrated
by Nick Ellwood
It was Ruth's first Sunday at Brookfield so naturally her first thought
was to invite the whole Archer clan over for a slap up meal....
She'd been slaving over a hot stove for, oh about 8 minutes when the first
cars started to pull up outside.
'Mmmm Ruth, that smells good' - boomed Jill as she strode in across the
flagstones - although Nigella style nutmeggy fumes from the aga were conspicuous
only by their absence -'Can I help with anything?'
 'Noooor
Jeell, I'm faiiiine' said Ruth merrily. 'I was joost maiking meself a
cooopa tea. Lunch is has been ready for aiiiirges.'
'Alistair's brought a couple of bottles of wine - haven't you darling'
said Shulugh 'Do tell us Ruth what yummy concoction you've rustled us
up so that we can choose what colour to open first. We can't stay long.
Alistair tried to treat a sick animal this morning when he just KNEW the
stables needed mucking out, and I've promised him that if he gets the
job done, I'll treat him to night on the sofa gruesomely insinuating I
might be up for a bit of nookie if he opens a bottle of Asti Spumante'
'Hurghhurghhurgh' chortled Jill, 'Cheers, ooh look and here's Ruth with
our food - now that looks interesting - what is it?'
'Twiglets!' chirped Ruth, 'with TUC biscuits and Dairylea slices for main
course and as a special treat Mr Kipling fondant fancies for afters.'
'mmmph', said Pip who's sidling whiny interjections had been silenced
once and for all by a tragic pencil case accident (rumour had it that
Daniel Hellfire-Lurch had been involved but surely this was just a vicious
rumour - why the sweet little chap had told everyone that he was off tending
his 'worats' - so sweet when children have imaginary friends isn't it?)
 A
high pitched whining drew nearer and it soon became clear that Elizabeth
once again wasn't happy.
'It's not FAIR, Shula got here first and parked closest to the house,
and I had to walk for at least 4 yards and I've got a serious heart condition
-everyone's so horrible to me - and I've only got an Elizabethan mansion,
a nanny and endless time on my hands to go employee-bothering
 'Now
now darling you can have my left ear', said Jill. 'Go on here's a handy
pair of castrating shears David's left lying around - chop it off now'
'Oh goodeee, yippeee hahah' cried Elizabeth gratingly in a gleeful 'I'm
still six really' kind of way - 'can I really? oh BRILLIANT I bet Shula
hasn't got one of those.'
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