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Listeners' Fantasies |
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The Erchers (agane, agane)
By Liz Simpson
 Another scene in the life of the Archers' Scottish cousins, originally posted to the Fantasy Archers topic of The Archers message board
It was early evening in Ra Bull, and Davey Ercher sat in the darkest corner of the bar, nursing not only a pint o' heavy, but also a mysterious poke of stripey sweeties. He was sooking carefully at yin, when a heavy hand clapped him forcefully on the shoulder, causing him to splutter.
"Steady on, brither!" said Kenny Ercher, joining him at the table. "Whit's that ye're coughin' on?"
"That," said Davey, catching his breath and wiping his ruddy forehead, "wuz yin o' Ian's special recipe bar-humbugs an' ye've jist made me swallae it."
"Nivver mind, brither," said Kenny cheerfully, "ah'm glad ye're enterin' intae the spirit o' the Christmas Show. Oor mither certainly is - her moustache is comin' on champion."
"Her moustache!" exclaimed Davey. "Whit wey wud oor mither need a moustache fur in a Dickens story? Is that Snell wumman demented? Or is the meenister even mair kinky than Ah suspect?"
"Och, Ah've tellt ye afore, the meenister's lonely fur female company, and he's hermless - in the main," said Kenny smoothly. "Naw, brither, ye've missed oot on the developments. The meenister's persuaded Missus Snell that the Show wud attract mair interest fur the youngsters if there was cowboys in it - but still wi' the Christmas theme, ye ken. So it's gonna be Gunfight At The OK Carol Service this year."
Davey stared at his brither, recognition dawning in his face. "Cowboys! So that's why oor Pip wuz diggin' in the orchard! I couldna understand why she wuz callin' oot fur Billy the Kid when the beast's name wuz Demeter..."
Kenny was lost for words for a moment, then breathed, "Och, man - thon orchard must contain the answers tae mony mysteries ... onywey, that's the reason fur mither's moustache."
Davey groaned. "Ye don't mean that she and oor faither ..."
"Aye!" said Kenny triumphantly, "they've got the parts o' Butch Casserole and the Sundried Kid!"
"Jings!" thought Davey, faintly.
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