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‘I’m having a rest in the car, with no one screaming my name’

Snow, vaccines and parenting in pain.

After immune-compromised Holly had her vaccine last week, Kate has now been called to get hers. Excitement levels are high but she wonders how her body will react to the jab.

Meanwhile, keeping four-year-old Scout and one-year-old Gracie amused is a struggle, until snow brings some welcome fun.

Produced by Amy Elizabeth.

If you want to message Kate or ask her a question, email amy.elizabeth@bbc.co.uk.

Subscribe to the podcast on 鶹Լ Sounds or say “Ask the 鶹Լ for Ouch” to your smart speaker.

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17 minutes

Full transcript

This is the full transcript of Ouch – the cabin fever Isolation Diaries podcast as broadcast on 19th February 2021 and presented by Kate Monaghan.

[Music]

holly - Oh, I’ve heard, apparently wearing two masks helps.

[Music]

KATE - It’s just really hard to swallow, like, how low on the priority list disabled people are.

HOLLY - It’s all right, Gracie, I’m going to get you another chip.

SCOUT - We’re celebrating my Mumma’s vaccine.

[Music]

kate - It’s a double celebration. Last week my wife, Holly, had the vaccine and this week I received some pretty good news too. Firstly, before I get too excited, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Isolation Diaries with me, Kate Monaghan. This is my virtual audio diary. I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a condition that gives me quite bad mobility issues, as my joints don’t work as well as they should. This means I’ve have had to miss out on some, but not all, of the fun with the snow we’ve had up in Yorkshire the past few weeks. I have two daughters, Scout, who’s four, who I’m trying desperately to home school, and one year old Gracie, who we adopted last year.

Helping me stay kind of sane during this lockdown is my wonderful wife, Holly, who had a kidney transplant a few years ago and therefore has no immune system. Because Holly is highly vulnerable to COVID, we as a family have been strongly shielding since last March and for this third, and hopefully final, lockdown we’ve also been joined by Holly’s brother and his girlfriend. So, we’ve all got quite cosy really. Last week we had without doubt one of the best days of our lives, as Holly received her vaccine, and this week it was about to get even better.

[Music]

KATE - Holly? Holly? Holly?

HOLLY - Yeah.

KATE - I just had a text message.

HOLLY - What text message? Is it the vaccine?

KATE - Yes.

HOLLY - What, have you got a date?

KATE - Yes!

HOLLY - No way.

KATE - I literally clicked the link the second it came in…

HOLLY - Yeah.

KATE - …and I’ve got it on Friday, first thing in the morning.

HOLLY - My God, that’s only a few… three days away.

KATE - Yes.

HOLLY - That’s amazing!

KATE - I know.

HOLLY - My God. I can’t believe that.

KATE - I know. I literally phoned the doctor to say… The paediatrician told me because our daughter has a disability, they told me to phone and get registered as her carer so that I could stay safe to look after her. A couple of days later I’ve got the text and I’m all booked in.

HOLLY - My God, that’s amazing.

KATE - It’s so good.

HOLLY - The NHS are doing wonders at the moment.

KATE - Yeah, I don’t really get it, but, like they’re just so fast and…

HOLLY - I’ll just…

KATE - You’re choosing your clothes, yeah.

HOLLY - I’m really tempted to put a fancy dress on to go to Sainsbury’s, like, the one you gave me.

KATE - [Laughs]

HOLLY - I’m not even kidding.

KATE - Yeah, that is a good dress. Wear it. You haven’t got anywhere else to wear a fancy dress.

HOLLY - I know, but I don’t want to, like, ruin it or something.

KATE - Yeah, I gave Holly a very nice dress for Valentine’s Day. And what did you give me? Some love. [Laughter]

HOLLY - I got you a good card.

KATE - You did get me a very good card of Moira from ‘Schitt’s Creek’ saying ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, Bébé’ which is the best thing ever.

HOLLY - But we did agree no presents, and you went against that, so…

KATE - But yeah, I’m going to get the vaccine.

HOLLY - Are you going to be ill, do you think?

KATE - Er, no. I am hardy. I’m used to the pain, I’ll be fine.

HOLLY - Yeah. Well your mum was really poorly.

KATE - Yeah, Mum had a really bad reaction, which is quite concerning because Mum and I have very similar health conditions, and she, yeah, she was really ill for, like, five days afterwards, because some kind of… She has problems with her immune system and it was like a really weird immune response that she had.

HOLLY - Yeah. Don’t do that.

KATE - No. I’m hardy, unlike you.

HOLLY - Oh, I’m really hardy. I’ve been through a lot, thank you.

KATE - Yeah, but now…

HOLLY - If we counted operations I’d be winning.

KATE - Would you?

HOLLY - Yeah. How many lines have I had inserted into…?

KATE - What are you counting as an operation?

HOLLY - Anything where you go under GA.

KATE - General anaesthetic.

HOLLY - Or a procedure.

kate - No, a procedure’s not an operation.

HOLLY - Even when you have a tube put into your heart?

KATE - Yeah. That’s just a procedure.

HOLLY - And I think if we counted up all the hospital time I would excel!

kate - Well, actually we did a pain tolerance test once didn’t we? Do you remember?

HOLLY - Yeah.

KATE - It was going round on social media, so it was, like, who can withstand more pain?

HOLLY - You would have done it until you passed out, just so you could beat me.

KATE - I know I would. And you had to, like, put your… So there’s, like, a cold bath, you have to have an icy bath and then put your arm in and see who could last the longest with their arm in the ice bath and Holly lasted for about five seconds and I was there five minutes later going, yeah, this is fine.

HOLLY - No you weren’t. Kate, you would have done it until you were unconscious if it meant beating me.

KATE - Also true. Holly and I are insanely competitive with each other aren’t we?

HOLLY - Yeah.

KATE - You may have noticed.

[Music]

KATE - So, we have decided to come out and take the kids sledging because it’s snowed, which is amazing. Oh, I’m out of breath, just walking a little distance in the snow. It’s so hard on my joints, I have to, like, do about five steps and then stop and then five steps and then stop and then five steps and then stop. So, it’s really hard work, but because Will and Louise are living with us at the moment they’ve come out with me and Holly to help with the kids and it’s so nice because we’re all literally, like, killing each other. This weekend has just been the worst weekend for a really long time. It’s been raining, the kids have been screaming.

There’s been, like, nothing to do. Scout just refused to go outside, which I don’t blame her because it’s raining, Grace doesn’t want to go outside because it’s raining. But, like, neither of them will just sit and watch TV anymore because that’s what they’ve done for months on end now. So they won’t do that. And there’s just, like, nothing to do. Scout’s attention span is that of a gnat. So we’ll set up, like, a craft activity for her, she’ll do it for five minutes and then she’ll be, like, right, what’s next? And then you’ve got the whole day spread out in front of you with nothing to do and no focus to it. It’s just so hard. So the snow has actually been a welcome break of the mood I think, and we’ve been able to get a couple of sledges and go out to a park. And I’m just on driving duty so I drive them, sit at the top of the hill, watch them go, they do their sledges, and then I go back to the car, bring it down to the bottom and pick everyone up.

So I get to see them having fun, which is great. Unfortunately, like, unless someone took the car from the bottom to the top of the hill I can’t get back up the hill. Oh my God, it’s so hard. And the cold on my bones. Like my Grandma Betty used to say, "It’s all the cold on my bones," but that’s how I feel. The cold is so bad on my joints, but you’ve just got to suck it up don’t you? You’ve got to suck it up and do what you’ve got to do for the family, because otherwise, lordy knows what we’d be doing right now. Anyway, I’m going to go and pick them up from the bottom of the hill now and hopefully they’ll have had a nice time.

[Music]

KATE - So I can’t quite believe it but I am in my car in a queue, waiting to go for the vaccine. Yeah, I still can’t quite believe it’s happening. As ever in our relationship I drove Holly all the way out to get hers, and stayed in the car while she had hers, and then - oh, I’ll move forward in the queue, in the car queue - and then drove her home again, all that. Me? No. She’s, like, "Sorry, you can drive yourself and sort yourself out." [Laughs] But I don’t care. I’m being vaccinated so it makes no difference to me whatsoever. Going forward again. Like, it just feels like it happens so quickly, it’s amazing. I literally, like, took the very first slot that they could possibly do at, like, nine o’clock in the morning. So yeah, I’m excited. Very excited.

[Music]

KATE - It’s done, it’s done. I just got back in the car. I’m done. I’m not going to cry like Holly did, but oh my goodness. Also, the radio’s on. It was really quick, easy. They did it really well. Not the injection, I mean, they did, that was fine, I just meant it was organised really well. They offered me a seat at the queue because I just said, "Oh sorry, I can’t stand very long," and I was walking a bit funny and they noticed and they were, like, "Oh, here’s your seat." So I just had a seat and yeah, then five minutes later basically, popped out into the room, the injection went in and out again. And I was all, like, "Thank you so much everybody, thank you, thank you, thank you," just because I’m so grateful to life right now and science and all you amazing people who made it happen so quickly. And everyone who’s been keeping us safe. I mean, it is just insane how many people have, like, made this happen.

Yeah, it’s done. And Holly texted me saying Scout is being really difficult at home, so I kind of just don’t want to go back, so I feel like I’m just going to sit in the car for five minutes before I leave, because she won’t know that it’s finished this early will she? She’ll never know that… until she listens to this. But yeah, so I’m just going to take a little five minutes to myself right now in the car with a seat warmer on being warm, and not having anyone screaming my name every five seconds. It’s just my own little spa break right now, just to say well done me for having the vaccine.

[Music]

KATE - So what did you tell me to do before my vaccine today? Do you remember?

HOLLY - No.

KATE - You told me that I had to wear two masks.

HOLLY - Oh, well I’ve heard apparently wearing two masks helps you against the new strains.

kate - Yes, so that’s what I did, I double masked up.

HOLLY - Oh, well done.

KATE - Yeah, I know. But it felt to me a bit like, you know when you were younger and you were, like, you know, at school and people said, "If you really don’t want to get pregnant wear two condoms," do you not think it’s a bit like that?

HOLLY - No, this is coming from a news source of some description.

KATE - Which one, the 鶹Լ? Because that’s the only one to trust.

HOLLY - Might be, I don’t know, I don’t know.

kate - Are you going to go out with two masks then?

HOLLY - I don’t know. Probably not. I mean, I’m not getting close enough to people really.

KATE - Well you didn’t wear your mask in the playgroup this morning and that really annoyed me.

HOLLY - I wasn’t near anyone.

KATE - That doesn’t matter. You feel like you’re invincible now don’t you?

HOLLY - No, I don’t actually. But I just wasn’t anywhere near anyone. But I’m a bit cold-y, my nose was running and it’s making me feel horrible.

KATE - Mm. So you know how you had a day off after your vaccine? Do I get that tomorrow because I’ve had my vaccine?

HOLLY - Well, let’s see how ill you are. If you wake up with the sweats and the shakes and, you know, then maybe.

KATE - Do you think you were properly ill after yours?

HOLLY - Yeah.

KATE - Like, in what way?

HOLLY - I’m not telling you because you’ll get ideas. [Laughter] But you know I was.

KATE - Well I know you were up in the night, yeah, ‘cos you had…

HOLLY - And the next morning I felt really achy and horrible.

KATE - But the thing is, like, I feel achy and horrible every morning.

HOLLY - Yeah, so you’ll be fine.

KATE - So I’ll probably be okay because I’ll just be, like, oh it’s normal.

HOLLY - Yep.

KATE - So no milking it?

HOLLY - No.

[Music]

KATE - Say, "Hello, podcast."

SCOUT - Hello podcast. Today we’re in the car having a Happy Meal, and just Mamma and me are playing top tumps together.

KATe - We are playing top tumps together.

SCOUT - And it’s a little bit icy. And I’m going to put the wind wipers on.

KATE - You’re going to put the window wipers on?

SCOUT - Yes, please can I put them on?

kate - Yeah, you can. What are we celebrating today?

SCOUT - Um. We’re celebrating… [Whispers] Louise’s birthday?

KATE - No, we had Louise’s birthday already. What did Mumma have this morning.

HOLLY - It’s all right, Gracie. I’m going to get you another chip.

SCOUT - We’re celebrating my Mumma’s vaccine.

HOLLY - She can have a veggie dipper.

SCOUT - And you said there were no stickers.

KATE - No, I didn’t get a sticker. Mummy got a sticker for her vaccine didn’t she?

SCOUT - And Mummy got a sticker for her vaccine and she says…

KATE - It’s still going, don’t worry.

SCOUT - And today we did this stuff. Bye.

[Music]

KATE - I think I’ve finally gone crazy. I’ve just downloaded an app to translate my cats’ meows into language. It’s just said that Milo was saying to me, "My love, I am hungry." I mean, which does sound pretty accurate to me. Anyway, enough of my being driven into craziness. I’m just feeling really sad today because there was a report out yesterday about the fact that 60% of people who’ve died with Coronavirus have disabilities. Do you want a drink? Is that what you were after? Okay. There you go, I’ll turn the tap on. There you go. Yeah, it’s just made me really sad, and then the same weekend we’ve had the research saying that more people with learning disabilities are being forced into having do not resuscitate orders put on them, or just being told not to be… Like, doctors being told not to resuscitate them in hospital. And in the same token they’re not being given the vaccine.

It’s just really hard to swallow, like, how low on the priority list disabled people are. And perhaps for a lot of the public, I don’t know, but I feel like you say disability or learning disability, and perhaps for a lot of people, like a certain type of person pops into their head. Maybe it’s somebody old and frail and we look at that and we think, oh that’s what we’re talking about, but that’s not true, like, it’s people like me, it’s people like my wife. [Purring] Yeah Milo. I wonder what that purr meant. I’ll translate it later. I’ll turn the tap off now. Yeah, you know, we are not expendable, our lives are not worth less because we have disabilities, you know, we have challenges that other people don’t have, but that doesn’t mean that our lives aren’t any less worth living than everybody else’s. It doesn’t mean that we’re not worth saving, we’re not worth anything.

[Music]

KATE - So it has been a real mix of a week. Happy news, now I’ve had my vaccination part one, and the same old prejudices many of us with a disability have had to face constantly. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the conversation. Email my producer, Amy, at

amy.elizabeth@bbc.co.uk. Also let me know, how have you found your vaccine? Did you have any symptoms after the jab? And what did you treat yourselves to after? I’ll be back next week with the latest instalment of my crazy life, and I would tease what might happen but at this stage of lockdown I just don’t know. Life is full of surprises and I’m happy to let you share them with me.

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