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Death Watch Beetle and Queen Wasp

The funny side of attic life for a death watch beetle and bossy queen wasp. Stars Alison Steadman and Bill Paterson. From 2016.

Alison Steadman and Bill Paterson star as a bossy queen wasp and a death watch beetle as they reveal the truth about life in a draughty old attic in a house in Amersham.

The first of three tales, written and introduced by Lynne Truss.

Death Watch Beetle ...... Bill Paterson
Queen Wasp ...... Alison Steadman

The Death Watch Beetle is a wood-boring beetle. Having spent twelve years as a larva boring through a single rafter in the house with no one to talk to, our beetle is now an adult with about 5 weeks left to live. He has just three aims in life:

Firstly, to find a mate, which he does by banging his head on the timber "Oh Come on girls, .. I know you're out there ... Don't tell me this attic has ever seen such a specimen before. This lovely compact dark brown capsule of hard cuticle covered with yellowish scale-like hair and just under a centimetre long - it could all be yours!

Secondly, to make as much noise as he can.

And finally, to live long enough to see the roof cave in.

The Queen Wasp is very, very bossy, and very, very stressed. She carries the entire responsibility for the wasp colony and its thousands of inhabitants, all of whom are her own progeny. There is an enormous amount of work to be done.

"They call themselves workers, these girls, but quite frankly, none of them knows what real work actually is." It is lonely at the top too," I did consider leaving all this, at one point. None of them knows this; they'd be heartbroken to think I might have left them" and she is just beginning to lose her grip. "Bring me my list" she constantly yells.

Life doesn't get much more stressful than this.

Wildlife sound recordings by Chris Watson

Producer: Sarah Blunt.

First broadcast on Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ Radio 4 in June 2016.

28 minutes

Last on

Thu 11 Jan 2024 02:30

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Credits

Role Contributor
Presenter Lynne Truss
Tadpole Julian Rhind-Tutt
Dragonfly Alison Steadman
Producer Sarah Blunt
Writer Lynne Truss

Broadcasts

  • Sun 26 Jun 2016 19:15
  • Fri 1 Jul 2016 07:30
  • Fri 1 Jul 2016 17:30
  • Sun 7 Apr 2019 19:15
  • Fri 12 Apr 2019 07:30
  • Fri 12 Apr 2019 17:30
  • Sat 13 Apr 2019 05:30
  • Mon 12 Oct 2020 07:00
  • Mon 12 Oct 2020 17:00
  • Tue 13 Oct 2020 05:00
  • Sat 17 Oct 2020 12:30
  • Thu 16 Jun 2022 07:00
  • Thu 16 Jun 2022 17:00
  • Fri 17 Jun 2022 05:00
  • Sat 18 Jun 2022 12:00
  • Wed 10 Jan 2024 07:30
  • Wed 10 Jan 2024 12:30
  • Wed 10 Jan 2024 17:30
  • Thu 11 Jan 2024 02:30