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From Rabbi Pete Tobias of the Liberal Synagogue, Elstree:

As I left the house early this morning to come here I walked past a candle flickering in my hallway. I had kindled it the previous night in honour of my late father, following a Jewish tradition to light a candle that burns for just over 24 hours to mark the anniversary of the death of a loved one. It’s called a Yahrzeit candle, Yahrzeit being the Yiddish word for anniversary, seen in my religion as an opportunity to recall the memory of those no longer with us.

One of the most important features of our humanity is our ability to remember. We’re not quite unique in this regard: it’s a capacity that we apparently share with the elephant world. Now I’m no zoologist, but I’ve read that these remarkable creatures try to cover their loved ones in branches and return regularly to the places where family members have been laid to rest.

Obviously our human remembrance of loved ones is more sophisticated. We have special places, rituals and words to help us through the difficult process of saying farewell. And the annual opportunity to remember can be accompanied by words such as these from the Liberal Jewish prayerbook: words that offer comfort and which address the mystery that transcends life:

‘Even when they are gone, the departed are with us, for what they were is part of what we have become. They inspire us to live as, in their higher moments, they themselves sought to live.’

My father’s candle offered me the opportunity to contemplate my own life, and how I might live it in ways that honour his memory, and that of all who have gone before me. Perhaps that is the true blessing of memory, represented by the flame of a memorial candle:  it reminds us of the expectations of those no longer with us and encourages us to strive to become the people they would want us to be.