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Arthur and Ford have travelled in time and arrive at Lords Cricket Ground, where England are defeating Australia to win The Ashes. It turns out our heroes have arrived 24 hours before the destruction of the planet, but this fact almost pales into insignificance with the appearance of Slartibartfast, the elderly planet designer Arthur first encountered on Magrathea (see Primary Phase).

Slarti is here to avert the disastrous abduction of The Ashes (which have some intergalactic significance we can as yet only guess at) by the villainous and lethal Krikkit Robots. This he utterly fails to do, as they arrive, blow up Lords, and leave with their booty. Slarti, Arthur and Ford give chase in the unlikely Starship Bistromath which is powered by the equally unlikely (though not improbable) Somebody Else's Problem Field.

On the swamp planet Squornshellous Zeta, Marvin the Paranoid Android is still helplessly trudging in circles, anchored to one spot by an artificial leg he was fitted with after surviving a near miss with the heart of a blazing star (again, see Primary Phase, and try and keep up for goodness' sake). It is something of a relief for him to have the leg removed by the same eleven Krikkit Robots who have stolen The Ashes. It is even more of a relief when they decide to remove him as well, leaving his talkative but very boring companion, Zem the Mattress, to ponder the infinite and globber gently.

The Book …. William Franklyn
Arthur …. Simon Jones
Ford Prefect …. Geoff McGivern
Marvin …. Stephen Moore
Slartibartfast ,,,, Richard Griffiths
Wowbagger …. Toby Longworth
Zem …. Andy Taylor
Himself …. Henry Blofeld
Himself …. Fred Trueman

Written by Douglas Adams
Adapted and Directed by Dirk Maggs

An Above the Title Production for Â鶹ԼÅÄ Radio 4, first broadcast in September 2004.