麻豆约拍

Humphrey Lyttelton, 麻豆约拍 Radio stalwart and famed jazz trumpeter, was an unlikely choice to host a comedy show. But Humph fitted the show like a glove, exuding annoyance, displeasure, disinterest and scorn quite liberally. There was no better example of this than when “Hunt the Slipper” was attempted during the show. After explaining the rules at length, none of which would really work in an audio format, Humph declared: "I'm 78, for Christ's sake." Then, after a painful silence a panellist asked: "Erm, should someone have brought a slipper?"

Humphrey Lyttelton, who hosted I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue from its inception in 1972 to 2008

Epic Epigrams

In the third series of Clue, regular teams were established: Tim Brooke-Taylor and Willie Rushton versus Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden. Nothing epitomised this classic Clue line-up than the round, “Complete Quotes”, in which Humph read out famous phrases, which were then roundly ruined by the panellists. Such as these:

Willie Rushton: "Don't get your knickers in a... boot sale."
Graeme Garden: "Give a thief enough rope and... he'll run off with it."
Barry Cryer: "When the cat's away the mice... will use the flap."
Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Genius is 2% inspiration and... 99% arithmetic."

Mornington Crescent

Perhaps the most famous, beloved and confusing game played on Clue is “Mornington Crescent”. This travel/strategy/memory/beauty contest involves the naming of London streets and landmarks for purposes too complicated to explain here. There have been many variations in rules and approach, including a timed version, which seemed designed solely to upset Tim Brooke-Taylor, and, controversially, a sat-nav version. Introduced in 2005, and incorporating “Montague's Second Stationary Ruling”, the sat-nav robotically intervened with remarks such as “Very funny”, “I've got a headache” and “That's a northern approach, is it not?” The device seemed to have a soft spot for Jeremy Hardy and demanded a song from him before declaring: “World of Leather have got a sale on.”

Speaking of Jeremy Hardy's famous vocal range, it was in Harrogate that the first instance of his truly unique singing style was unleashed on an unsuspecting audience. Required to sing the song Kung Fu Fighting to the tune of Scarborough Fair, to the surprise of all, Jeremy quickly proved that he was no Caruso. He wasn't even Columbo. Off-key doesn't really do it justice. As Willie Rushton sarcastically declared after the atrocity: "I smell points!"

Victoria Victorious

Musical moments have always been an important part of the Clue stew. After a bruising appearance on Just a Minute, comedy legend Victoria Wood vowed never to appear again on a panel show . But she was somehow persuaded to join the antidote to panel shows and quickly became an audience favourite. Perhaps the highlight of her ISIHAC career was singing the Bob the Builder theme to the tune of I Dreamed a Dream from the musical Les Misérables. It's fair to say she fully committed.

One memorable, if slightly disturbing, round of Clue featured Barry and Graeme performing that pivotal scene from the classic rom-com When Harry Met Sally, in which Meg Ryan faked an intimate moment of a climactic nature on screen. While Barry took the Billy Crystal role, Graeme, for reasons lost to the mists of time, played the somewhat explosive Meg Ryan role as a Clanger, complete with Swanee whistle. The earth moved.

Jack Dee, who has hosted the show since 2009

Brief Encounters

Though it would have been impossible to completely replace the legendary Humph, in 2009 Jack Dee took over the chairman's role permanently. His deadpan nature and distinct lack of enthusiasm suited Clue perfectly. One round which attempted to shatter Jack's image was a semi-musical round where famous song titles were issued with the addendum “in my pants” spoken by Jack with a view to making him crack a smile. Some examples included:

"I've grown accustomed to her face... in my pants"
"I'm forever blowing bubbles... in my pants"
"I can't get no satisfaction... in my pants"

But the winner was...

"There's no one quite like grandma..."

The Old Tunes Are the Best

The show occasionally finished with a round of “... Songbook”, in which song titles were adapted to reflect a particular group of people or set of circumstances. Variations have included “Farmers’ Songbook”, “Naturists’ Songbook” and the “Yorkshire Songbook”. One memorable version was “Pensioners’ Songbook” which included the classic numbers...

"You Say Tomatoes and I Say... Eh?"
"Stairlift to Heaven"
"The Hippy Hippy Replacement"
"Poppa's Got a Brand New Bag"
"Stayin' Alive"

And on that tasteless note, all that's left to say is LONG LIVE CLUE!

Listen to Archive on 4: 50 Years Without A Clue, hosted by Greg James