Â鶹ԼÅÄ

Warning: This story contains descriptions that may be upsetting to some readers.

If your entire life flashed before your eyes, would you be happy with what you saw? Would you have any regrets?

On Â鶹ԼÅÄ Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, Emma Barnett spoke to two authors who have had a near-death experience and heard how it changed their outlook on life. It wasn't overnight, a huge transformation or an epiphany. But over time they had the courage to take a fresh look at themselves and to learn to live more fully in their ‘second’ life.

Georgina Scull, author of Regrets of the Dying: Stories and Wisdom that Remind Us How to Live, and Tanya Shadrick, author of The Cure for Sleep, shared their near-death experiences and their best advice on how we can choose to change our lives and live more fully.

Georgina had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured when she was 37. After doctors told her she could have died, she set out to meet others who had faced a near-death experience, to discover what it means to live life to the fullest.

“I just felt myself caught between the past and the future. It made me realise I needed to change so many things, but I found myself drifting. I didn't change straightaway, and it took quite a few years.

“I didn't want to leave my husband straightaway, but I felt like maybe I should. I wanted to change my job. There were so many things in life I wanted to do. But I think I was just scared and I hunkered down. Most of people's regrets are from living up to other people's expectations.

“So it just took me so many years to separate myself from that past, worrying about all the things I hadn't done, and all the things I wanted to do in the future. I didn't get on with the here and now and that's what I had to do. I finally really looked at the things that were making me unhappy.”

Tanya Shadrick (left) and Georgina Scull (right).

Tanya almost died after a post-partum arterial haemorrhage aged 33. After coming out of an induced coma, she decided she wanted to live differently in her ‘second life’.

“It happened so suddenly. I suddenly started bleeding the very day the midwife had just signed me off. I was very aware I was dying. And it was such a shock.

“I experienced such pure regret at my cowardice in my ‘first life’. On paper, I looked successful. I was a working-class kid who got to university, got a first-class degree, but I was hiding from everything. So, my real challenge when I came back from induced coma, I thought: ‘I've got to change my life.’

“Your wake-up calls are often sudden, and in emergencies, but to make good on them takes patience and time.”

Tanya and Georgina both shared their best advice on how to get back to living your life to the fullest.

“Our lives are built out of many different things: family, work, love, and friends,” says Georgina. “But who you are and what you want will change over time. So, it’s important that we take stock of those building blocks once in a while, to change what no longer makes us happy, and really appreciate all the things that do.”

“The events which deliver our wake-up calls are usually accidents, emergencies, or unexpected losses,” says Tanya. “We experience painful regret or a wild wish for adventure just as we are least free – health-wise or financially – to do something about it. Listen to your new inner call but accept it may take a while to answer it.”

“We all have to make plans and schedule for the future,” says Georgina. “But don’t spend so much of your time looking ahead that you fail to see what you have – or could have – right now. Go on that trip, meet that friend, start that hobby or business you’ve been meaning to start. There is no perfect moment, so make the most of the time and opportunities you have right now, and don’t let them pass you by.”

“To begin anew and keep going – slowly, steadily – without a map and compass, guided only by your deepest dreams and values,” says Tanya. “There’s no certain destination, but it’s still a journey worth taking. Be open to chance along the way. The best life changes can’t be planned in advance.”

“Sometimes the decisions we make are an attempt to rectify or rewrite the past: that if you’re born without much money, then money becomes your main aim; that if your parents don’t show you their love, then finding love becomes your focus,” says Georgina. “But the past cannot be changed. All we can do is try our best and live the life we want right now.”

“Our culture is obsessed with quick fixes: lose a stone in a month; couch to 5km in six weeks,” says Tanya. “More interesting changes happen when we choose longer time frames.

“Apprenticeships were always seven years: why not place yourself in service to your dream or ambition for that long, using every spare minute on it. Ask yourself: What would you begin now and persist with if you were guaranteed 10 or 20 years in which to master it?”

“It’s easy to get stuck in a rut, doing the things you’ve always done and going to the places you’ve always gone to,” says Georgina. “But try to keep doing new things, going to new places and meeting new people. Because if you don’t, you may find your world becoming smaller by default.”

“Suddenly you have the time or money to live differently but you were never one of those people with a passion beyond work or the care of children,” says Tanya. “How do you discover a new appetite for living? Try making a list of one hundred things you love. Spend days or weeks on this. You may begin with small, everyday items but by the end you will start remembering or discovering what you care about, what excites you.”

“...And not just romantic love, but love for friends, for family, for work and for ourselves,” says Georgina. “When it’s right in front of us, it’s very easy to take it for granted. But love, and recognising it and appreciating it fully, can be the biggest and most rewarding thing any of us can do to improve our day-to-day happiness and contentment.”

“Try to ignore how many people like your social media posts,” says Tanya. “Don’t worry if your family or current friends don’t understand your new direction.

“The real change that everyone can make is just saying yes to more things, walking into parties, not hiding because of how you look. It's those things we never had the courage to do that sit hardest with most people and cause regret.

“Just keep risking small new ways of showing and sharing what you really care about – online or in your local community. By making your values or skills more visible you increase the chances of finding the mentor, investor or group of like-minded friends you need.”

Head to Â鶹ԼÅÄ Sounds to listen to the full discussion with authors Georgina Scull and Tanya Shadrick on Â鶹ԼÅÄ Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour. You can also hear any other episodes you’ve missed. Join the conversation on and @bbcwomanshour.