The other night I dreamt that I
Had been recruited as a spy.
I鈥檓 bald, unfit and overweight
As anyone can see, but wait
They said, 鈥淭hat doesn鈥檛 really matter,
These days we choose men who are fatter.
Although they cannot run as fast
When they get caught, they often last
Much longer when deprived of food;
Starvation diet does them good.
Fat men have got more in reserve.鈥
I thought, 鈥淵ou鈥檝e got a bloody nerve!鈥
At Spy School we all had a bed
Each with a safe beside our head.
Half didn鈥檛 lock, the doors swung free,
The rest were locked, but had no key!
Our trainer said it mattered not
They planned to, soon, replace the lot.
When asked, 鈥淗ow long?鈥 He then replied
鈥淭he government cannot decide;
It could be five years, maybe ten.
I expect that we might know by then.鈥
Next, I was taken to a room.
I glanced around; my eyes on 鈥榸oom鈥
To fix on details I had seen,
The faded roller blinds of green,
The threadbare carpet on the floor
And one long table. Through the door
Entered a man, his face all smiles,
And a woman with a box of files.
Then, shaking hands, 鈥渉ow do you do?鈥
He said he was 鈥渟hh, you know who!鈥
The key advice he gave to me
Just very simply seemed to be:
鈥淎ccount for every single dime鈥
And, 鈥済et expenses in on time.鈥
I tried to ask them more, but they
Just waved goodbye and turned away.
You鈥檇 like to know, and so would I,
What does it take to be a spy?
We鈥檒l never know for, here鈥檚 the joke,
It was at this point I awoke. |
