麻豆约拍

No-el, No-el, born is the king of vitriol. The cliché goes that Noel Gallagher releases albums to promote his latest round of interviews, and he certainly is a god-send to journalists and presenters - providing a seemingly endless stream of quotable dynamite often directed at other musicians, or life in general.

On 7 December, Noel visited the 麻豆约拍 to perform for Radio 2's In Concert series. With that came a full day of quality barbs or, as Noel might say, things he's "not having".

Noel's day began with a short interview on Ken Bruce's show and a live soundcheck. He was in a bit of a grump.

"How are you doing, alright?" asked a jolly Ken.

"As well as can be expected at this time in the morning," replied Noel, although it was past 11am.

The former Oasis man then went on to complain that he could still taste his breakfast. It looked like it was going to be a very long day ahead...

Later, Noel was on the Simon Mayo Drivetime show (listen from 18:30), sounding quite a lot more awake, but no less vitriolic. This time, Christmas got it in the neck.

"No, I don't like Christmas in the slightest," he said. "I have an annual problem with it. This year I was sat watching the TV and I can't understand how swing music is now synonymous with Christmas. When did that happen? There's a Christmas swing album coming out by Ministry of Sound and they should be ashamed of themselves. I can only imagine the horror of listening to Mack the Knife on Christmas morning with kids running round shouting, 'Batteries!' at you."

Jo Whiley put fans' questions to Noel before his performance. All went well until a new member of his family - a dog called Tommy - was mentioned. "I'm having nothing to do with it," Noel said. "I don't want a relationship with him, because I don't want to be a dog person - it's not who I am. But we've had a cat for years and I wasn't really fussed about the cat, but now I love him because he keeps himself to himself. Me and him sit on the couch and go, 'That dog - whatever.' We'll get rid of him by the end of the summer."

Also in the Jo Whiley Q&A, a fan asked, "What was the hardest moment in your musical career?" and Noel said leaving Oasis ("a horrible night"), leading to a discussion about Liam. They talk sometimes these days, Noel confirmed, but when Jo asked, "Will you be seeing him at Christmas time?" Noel responded, "No."

The concert was terrific, but a few rowdy fans barking things out between songs irked Noel. His responses:

• To one, who wanted him to stand up, rather than play sitting down: "If this wasn't going out live on the telly, I'd be calling you something that rhymes with James Hunt."
• To another, who seemed to say, "Playstation!": "Currently single, I presume."
• Later in the show: "Did you have to be 18 to get in tonight? There's a f* juvenile in here, and he's got a silly hat on. Oh no."
• Towards the close of the gig, punters at the back were still complaining they couldn't see Noel. "Listen, if you don't know what I look like after, what? I've been going since the 60s - Google it."

In sum, they were schooled.

• 麻豆约拍 Radio 2 - In Concert, Noel Gallagher
• 麻豆约拍 Music - Noel Gallagher
• 麻豆约拍 Radio 2 - 5 Times Noel Gallagher Reminded You He Wrote the Best Songs of the '90s