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Classical Wit

• Message 1. 

  Posted by RainbowFfolly (U3345048) on Friday, 26th October 2007

  Hi all,
  
  I thought I'd start a thread on the wit of the ancients (probably been done before, but what the hell). As an example I thought I'd start with this tale about the Roman Emperor Hadrian:
  When [Hadrian] had refused a request to a certain grey-haired man, and the same man petitioned again, but with dyed hair, Hadrian replied: "I have already refused this to your father". 
  SOURCE: "Lives of the Later Caesars" (A.K.A. Historia Augusta) (Penguin Classics pg 79)
  
  Anybody care to add any more examples?
  
  Cheers,
  
  
  RF

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by TwinProbe (U4077936) on Friday, 26th October 2007

  Well, since there is total silence can I offer a tale from Suetonius (sorry Seutonius)?
  
  To make a little extra cash Vespasian taxed the product of the public urinals, which the fullers used for treating cloth. His son Titus protested that this action was not worthy of the dignity of a Roman emperor. Vespasian showed Titus a silver denarius. "Does it smell bad?" he asked. "No" said Titus. "That's odd" replied Vespasian "it comes straight from a urinal."
  
  Laugh? I thought my toga would never dry.
  
  TP

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• Message 3

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  Posted by Jim Reuss (U10298645) on Thursday, 8th November 2007

  The Spartans had a reputation for understated wit. When the messengers of Xerxes demanded earth and water as a token of submission from the Spartans, they were taken to the edge of a deep well, told they probably would find earth and water at the bottom, and thrown in. There are also the famed comments from the battle of Thermopylae as well.
  
  The Roman emperor who said on his death bed, "I think I'm becoming a God!"
  
  I believe it was the wealthy Roman Triumvir Crassus who led a massive Roman army into the deserts of Parthia to gain glory for himself. The Parthian mounted archers whittled the Roman forces down over the course of weeks by riding into range, firing off volleys of arrows, and riding away. The Romans were starved, dehydrated, decimated and demoralized by this unconventional warfare. Crassus sent an embassy to the Parthians demanding that they stand and fight like men. The Parthian response; "Go weep."

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  Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Friday, 9th November 2007

  A translation from a scroll found in the grave of Dhunose in ancient Egypt (20th dynasty) was either written by him or received by him. In any case it got buried with him, though I hope it wasn't because he was proud of the joke that it contained:
  
  It begins by setting the context.
  
  "I've heard that you are angry and that you have caused me to be maligned through slander on account of that joke which I told the chief taxing master in that letter, although it was Henuttowy (his wife) who had urged me to tell him some jokes in my letter..."
  
  The author then goes on to chastise the slanderer (who he himself has obviously libelled in his letter to the taxman by making him the butt of a joke) and cites a joke which he thinks sums up the situation neatly.
  
  "You are just like the wife blind in one eye who had been married to a man for twenty years; and when he found another woman he said to her: 'I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.' And she answered him, 'Have you just discovered that after twenty years of our marriage?' Such am I, and such is my joking with you."
  
  Or - put in more modern terms - "I was slagging you just for a laugh, don't you know! Geez, some people have NO sense of humour!"

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  Posted by TonyG (U1830405) on Friday, 9th November 2007

  Hadrian seems to have been quite a character. According to one story he visited the public baths one day and saw an old soldier rubbing his back against a wall because he could not afford a slave who could scratch his back. Hadrian gave him enough cash to allow him to buy and keep a slave. Next time Hadrian visited the baths there were half a dozen old soldiers rubbing their backs against the wall. Hadrian told them to stand in a circle and scratch each others' backs.
  
  
  Some old Greek comedy can be quite amusing, if rather crude; some of the jokes being the basis for many of the jokes seen in the Carry On films. One of my favourites is more akin to modern satire from a play by Aristophanes (can’t recall which one it is just now) where an old rustic is being shown a map of Athens. Struggling with the concept of maps as representing real things, he declares that it can’t possibly be Athens because there are no law courts, a reference to the Athenian tendency to sue people on any pretext, clearly a habit not confined to modern USA..
  
  
  

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• Message 6

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  Posted by fascinating (U1944795) on Sunday, 11th November 2007

  There's another one regarding Vespasian reported by Suetonious. Vespasian had an ugly face, with a very strained appearance, as contemporary sculptures show. Well, he was at a stadium enjoying a show where a stand-up comedian was getting laughs at the expense of some individuals in the crowd. Vespasian asked the comedian why he did not make any jokes about him (the Emperor); he shot back that he would when Vespasian had stopped relieving himself.
  
  

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• Message 7

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  Posted by Fureys (U7828610) on Monday, 12th November 2007

  I'm sure someone out there will come up with the actual dates (more or less), but I do remember reading about some Athenian envoys to Sparta being invited to dine at the barracks in the city itself. Having tasted the meagre and hardly edible fare, the consensus of the Athenians about the Spartans was 'No wonder they're all in such a hurry to die.'

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• Message 8

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  Posted by Anglo-Norman (U1965016) on Friday, 16th November 2007

  The Roman emperor who said on his death bed, "I think I'm becoming a God!" 
  
  That was Vespasian again.
  

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• Message 9

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  Posted by Meles meles (U1765136) on Saturday, 17th November 2007

  I know I've already posted this in response to another message, but it still seems appropriate here:
  
  Written on an inn wall in Roman Isernia as an advertvertisment to catch the traveller’s eye:
  
  -Landlord, the bill please.
  -That’ll be one sestertii for the wine, one for the bread and two for the side dishes
  -Fine
  -And eight for the girl.
  -That’s fine too.
  -And two for the hay for your donkey.
  -That donkey’s going to be the ruin of me!
  
  ...... Makes me chuckle every time. And it just goes to show that humour hasn't really changed that much in 2000 years
  
  Meles
  

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• Message 10

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  Posted by Nik (U1777139) on Sunday, 18th November 2007

  eheheheh that was excellent!

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• Message 11

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  Posted by Sekmeht (U10449132) on Tuesday, 20th November 2007

  Plutarch on Sulla's appearance:
  
  This [his face] was covered with coarse blotches of red, interspersed with white. For this reason, they say, his surname was given him because of his complexion, and it was in allusion to this that a scurrilous jester at Athens made the verse:—
  
  "Sulla is a mulberry sprinkled o'er with meal."
  
  Ha! I was amused! One of the few quotes I remembered for my exam. Shame it didnt come up though.

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