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Keep-Fit with Vegetius

• Message 1.Β 

  Posted by RainbowFfolly (U3345048) on Wednesday, 10th January 2007

  Hi all,
  
  Yup, like many others I've made a New Year's resolution to get fit, but I'd also like to use the opportunity to increase my understanding of history whilst I decreasing my waistline. To that effect, I've decided to attempt to base my exercise regime on Roman military training. Just a few questions...
  
  1) Apart from "De Re Militari" by the Roman military writer Vegetius, are there any other helpful sources (modern or ancient) that are available?
  2) What problems am I likely to face, other than the substantial loss of dignity I'm expecting to experience when the neighbours see me whacking the tree in my garden with a wooden sword consisting of two bits of 4x2 held together with gaffer tape?
  3) Is the practicality of decimation as a punishment for ignoring my exercises going to be an issue when the legion I belong to contains just me?
  
  Cheers,
  
  
  RF

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Vizzer aka U_numbers (U2011621) on Wednesday, 10th January 2007

  1) Apart from "De Re Militari" by the Roman military writer Vegetius, are there any other helpful sources (modern or ancient) that are available?Β 
  
  A 'modern' source would be the Royal Canadian Air Force's 5 Basic Exercises - the '5BX Plan'. That is, however, itself now over 50 years old.
  
  
  2) What problems am I likely to face, other than the substantial loss of dignity I'm expecting to experience when the neighbours see me whacking the tree in my garden with a wooden sword consisting of two bits of 4x2 held together with gaffer tape?Β 
  
  Following Vegetius' plan (as with all exercise routines) could result in dehydration. My recommendation would be to drink plenty of water before, during and after exercise.
  
  
  3) Is the practicality of decimation as a punishment for ignoring my exercises going to be an issue when the legion I belong to contains just me?Β 
  
  Depending on how much someone weighs in relation to their height/weight ratio then losing 10% of their weight (preferably in the form of body fat) could be desirable. I would, however, strongly advise against trying to cut out the 10% with a blade or other implement.
  
  So yes the issue 'decimation as a punishment' would be impractical.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by RainbowFfolly (U3345048) on Wednesday, 10th January 2007

  Hi Vizzer,
  
  Cheers for the advice. The Canadian RAF exercises sound good, but if there are no swords and sandals involved then I'm afraid I can't use it - no matter how sensible it would be.
  
  I'm glad you agree with the impracticality of decimation in my case. I initially found the idea of being judge, jury and executioner extremely appealing as it appealed to my power-mad ego - I just kinda overlooked the slight problem of being the executee. I think I'll recruit 9 subbuteo players to my legion and if decimation becomes a necessity I'll make sure that the dice is loaded.
  
  I'll make sure I drink lots of water whilst attacking the barbarian horde that is the tree in my garden. It has been laying siege to my house for a good few years, so now it's time to forcibly bring a piece of Pax Romana to its sorry ass.
  
  Cheers,
  
  
  RF

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Wednesday, 10th January 2007

  Sadly Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus' keep-fit videos aren't generally available anymore. His famous incantation of 'Feel the Burn, Burn, Burn' as his aerobic students (or 'weird little Jews' as he called them) ran a predetermined distance around in circles chased by untethered wild beasts, and his rather individual use of atonal lyre music that accompanied his more spectacular routines (especially the 'burning' ones) were quite a hit in their day.
  
  The 'special offers' at the end of each programme to purchase various phials of his excess body fluid however were rather disgusting, if I remember rightly. Or is that the Green Goddess I'm thinking of?

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Backtothedarkplace (U2955180) on Wednesday, 10th January 2007

  your main problem is likely to be your local constabulary.
  
  These days they take a dim view of men in armour carring a big sod off sheild a sword and two spears plus a bag hanging from the end of a stick. They are going to shoot you.
  
  Especially if you stay in character and gabble at them in latin.
  
  If on the other hand you confin your activities to your back garden the possibilities for fun are almost endless. For a start you need to involve as many of your family as possible wife children etc
  
  Operational security must be maintained. The first the neighbouring british tribesmen must know of your plans is on the construction of your marching camp. They must wake one morning to find a six feet earthen rampart topped with stakes with a guard tower over the main gate.
  
  So long as their is an adult to recock the ballista the children can be given the sentry duty while the adults construct the barracks on the lawn. Just insist that if they cant get a password reasnoble accuracy is expected.
  
  Once your family is under Military discipline decimation could be applied in the event of an unaccceptably untidy bedroom?
  
  Sourcing vine staffs for corpral punishments might be difficult but I suppose bamboo garden canes could be an acceptable substitute?
  
  I have looked on the Miss selfridge website and there is a strange gap in thier product range where the lorica segmenta should be. So arming your little lass could be difficult but most charity shops have a colection of sheepskin jackets so you could kit her out as a german auxilliary.
  
  The next thing you must do is construct lilly pads in the neighbours gardens. they may not like this so watch out for attacks from hostile police and screaming gardners.

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 5.

  Posted by Anglo-Norman (U1965016) on Thursday, 11th January 2007

  The next thing you must do is construct lilly pads in the neighbours gardens. they may not like this so watch out for attacks from hostile police and screaming gardners.Β 
  
  Though if they're constructed properly, the police shouldn't be a problem, should they?
  
  I have looked on the Miss selfridge website and there is a strange gap in thier product range where the lorica segmenta should be.Β 
  
  
  However, lorica squamata is apparently the latest thing in Italian fashion:
  
  
  You couldn't make it up...

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by generallobus (U1869191) on Thursday, 11th January 2007

  Puts me in mind of that scene in Kubrick's Spartacus when our hero is being used as a training dummy in the gladiator school. The trainer paints him with different colouyrs for each strike. "This is a maim, this is a kill".
  
  If you watch after this there's a chance to see what may be training moves of the cut and thrust variety. Prob just Hollywood supposition tho'

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 7.

  Posted by RainbowFfolly (U3345048) on Thursday, 11th January 2007

  Cheers all, I haven't had time to respond as there's a great religious nutter on another thread who has kept me entertained at work today, but I'll reply tomorrow.
  
  As I've been a bit lax with my exercises I'm afraid that decimation will be carried out when I get home. I can safely say it will be one of the other members of my subbuteo team, sorry, legion who suffers the penalty...
  
  Cheers,
  
  
  RF

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