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Posted by Priscilla (U14315550) on Sunday, 24th October 2010
Ostensibly austere, for those enjoying remarkable views from grandiose heights this cavern tavern complex of recesses, shafts and tunnels with world-wide underground links is not all that it appears.
Bring your own candle. Virtually most drinks available with tunnel link to most well stocked cellars
Regards, Priscilla A.D.D.I.K. S
(Assistant Deputy Director Institute of Knitters and Spelaeologists)
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Right-o then have tin hat with attached candle on.
Nice pub P, rather reminiscent of Fred & Wilma's too. Although with all these tunnels someone is bound to get shafted.
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Great choice of location P, I love caves but I trust you're not in an earthquake zone. It so takes away from the pleasure of admiring the rocks when you're afraid they might collapse on you at any minute.
I assume you're observing the tradition that new bars give customers the first drink on the house so I'll have a Bellini please. I had one in Rome,18e, so I won't be buying one again.
By the way, there's a strange old man with a turban and a long beard lurking in one of the tunnels, muttering in Arabic but I can only understand the word 'Americans, after which he spits. Has he encountered our previous landlord, do you think!
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Just dragged over assorted miffs, huffs, high dugeons and peeves. Sure to be needed sometime, although I think something extra special will be needed for the pendulant one.
Viz is still over at the old place wrestling with a bear I think, well it was brown and hairy anyway. Shouldn't someone go to his rescue?
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, in reply to message 4.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Sunday, 24th October 2010
Oh, I say, what a jolly coincidence - having just escaped from a place that was a mite "stalag" we now find ourselves ensconsed in a place which is indubitably stalagmite!
I am impressed. Here shall we set up camp! Frobisher - do the business with the hobnailers and tent pegs! Titus, pull yourself together (not an easy feat), put down that stray Chilean, open the left ventricle and proffer me some tabasco, man. I feel a Bloody Mary coming on.
And not a purl or slip-stitch in sight. I am impressed indeed!
Hope no one minds but I couldn't leave our favourite kebab all alone back there. Where shall we hang it?
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It's just like Holy Austin's Rock in here!
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Is this how you arranged transportation, Nordmann?
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You've put me in a cave, P! I think I will just position myself close to the entranceway if you don't mind. Then I'll be able to get out when the earth quakes.
Is there room for extras here? Specifically is there room for my new grandson, weighing 8lb 8oz, so not taking up too much space yet. Called Toby Finn (Finn, Nordmann at least may be interested to know, because of its NZ connections).
Cheers, Caro.
Oh, I suppose I might be expected to shout you a round. (Did my husband say he had to take a cake to work? Couldn't he just supply a bottle or two, like me?) Help yourselves to what you fancy. Priscilla will be pleased to know she doesn't have to pay this time, though it may be a while before the cheque comes through.
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Are we going to have a load of Czechs here, then? As well as a creche for Caro's grandchildren? Maybe we could paint the pendant in Disney motifs to keep the youngster interested?
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, in reply to message 9.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
The kids will get a bigger kick if we just paint it up like a pinata, I'd reckoned. Since the consignment of baseball bats arrived yesterday it would be a shame to waste them. And think of the irony!
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Ha get a grip boys, Caro mentions babies and already you are talking about re-decorating the place!!! Next she'll be handing over baby sitting/nappy changing duties too, just waite and see when the novelty wears off.
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, in reply to message 11.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
But the meat is so tender!
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Mmm - since your tent is over the main hearth in the great cavern you'll never know, nordmaan. Suggest you move your pitch to one side. Any way that space is let for next Saturday for the local WI Coven for a craft sale. You could do fortune telling in your booth, I suppose. Would anyone be daft enough to ask?
Congrats to Caro so next round "on the cave." Speaking of which, there are numerous facilities here if would take the trouble to look.
Regards, P.
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, in reply to message 13.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Blame Frobisher. She slings her hook wherever and whenever the fancy takes her - I just go where I'm told.
I tried a few tunnels to the left in an idle moment but gave up when I just kept coming across Alph the Sacred River. Unfortunately I too had forgotten my measuring tape so reckoned I'd better just head back to the warmth of the Frobisher - sorry, I mean the hearth.
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Measuring Tape? Go unravel a sheep, man. There are many on the outside slopes.
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, in reply to message 15.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Measuring things with sheep might be common practice in antipodean climes but verboten in Xanadunian, I am afraid.
Could try pacing them, I suppose. Ok, here goes:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine ...
eh ... Eight?
Four
Nah - bugger it! I've lost count. Here. Give us one of your ovines.
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Counting is why we were given fingers and toes Nordmann, you should be able to get up to twenty at least.
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, in reply to message 17.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Who said I have twenty toes?
Frobisher?!?!?!? Have you been prattling in the ladies again!?!
I walk funny 'coz I've a pronounced limp, see? L ... I ... M ... P - pronounced "limp". Ok?
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Look, matey - if you want the K.K. Pleasure Dome then you had better follow the River Alph. On the other hand Alf's Streamlined Tours - book at the entrance do a nice Faux Dome visit. Though it depends what sort of pleasures you are expecting.
Being 'In charge' I do not have to have regards.
P.
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, in reply to message 19.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Faux pleasures sound cheap, right enough. Do you take credit cards?
But I don't want to be fobbed off with dulcimer playing damsels. Might have been good enough to cream Coleridge's eclair but I'm telling you - we tend towards more raw blooded pleasures in our domes!
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Oooooh not even a day in charge and our landladyness, Priscilla Queen of the Cavern is already drunk on power.
Just to be sure on what I'm visiting, is the faux dome where Nordmann has hung the kebab then?
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Dulcimer likes playing at being a damsel. And why Alf's tours are cheaper is because you have to set up your own delights. Dulcimer is available - but possible Greek if its the Colridge River delights you seek after all.
Suit yourself. P.
I only sit at the front desk as Assistant Deputy Director.
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, in reply to message 22.
Posted by somewhatsilly (U14315357) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Morning all, sorry I'm late but the bus from Porlock was running late. Oh sorry, have I interrupted you?
Can I wet the baby's head now please so a glass of paradise milk, or even Glayva, would be lovely.
All the best to the brand new wean, parents and grandparents.
Cheers
ferval
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Only 23 posts in and already tugging your Porlock, Ferval?
Beware of the "Alf's Tours". The small print on the side of the bus indicates "Alfred E Neuman, proprietor" so this could be the pendant's takeover continuing undercover (well of course it's under cover we are in a cave.)
Is there not a risk that a troglodytic bar may may entice trolls to come visiting, that is if this isn't actually Old Grandad's mouth?
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, in reply to message 24.
Posted by somewhatsilly (U14315357) on Monday, 25th October 2010
As long as I'm not tugging a Morlock, Urn. There's plenty of strange, otherworldly and somewhat frightening characters here already but at least they're not very likely to eat me - I'm too old and not at all tender for a start.
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, in reply to message 25.
Posted by an ex-nordmann - it has ceased to exist (U3472955) on Monday, 25th October 2010
We have baseball bats. All is possible.
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I don't care how base your bat's gonads are, encouraging flittermice this close to All Hallows is an unjustified risk.
BTW - shouldn't we make a return trip to the Yankee's Roost to tip it over the megapost limit so that Andrew can close it down before it self-destructs?
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Well it is a cave, there are bound to be a few bats, base or otherwise around. They'll be hanging upside down alonside the giant kebab somewhere, we'll find them easy enough by the amount of guano on the floor.
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BTW - shouldn't we make a return trip to the Yankee's Roost to tip it over the megapost limit so that Andrew can close it down before it self-destructs?Β
...or I can just close it if it's truly lived out its useful existence?
Cheers
Andrew
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Our bar must have a useful existence? Oh dear. Now you tell us, Andrew!
Regards, P.
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Well 'useful' is a highly relative term isn't it
But I can see that was an unsettling notion - I'll donate a crate of Chateau Savoir Faire by way of apology...always useful in an emergency.
If the old place has been truly vacated before reaching maximim occupancy I'm happy to call time.
Cheers
Andrew
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The crate will come in useful if it can be spared in these cost cutting days. Keep the rest. Too much of that stuff can go to the head.
Regards, P.
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I suppose you really meant cloth cutting, P and that's why the curtains are a bit ragged. I'd prefer good solid curtains so I can pretend we're in a palace and not a cavern. Oh dear, the mention of caverns reminds of Clementine and that reminds me of America again.
Anyway, cost cutting only brings the economists back out of the woodwork to tell us we are doing it wrong again and need to spend money to stimulate the economy. I could be an economist - the jargon is very easy. Whatever the public are doing it will be wrong.
Cheers Caro.
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Managed to get steel doors fitted here - however the retrieved cat flap now installed seems a tad odd. I wonder what future archaeologists will make of that. There will be jargon for that too, I suppose. Ah yes, Economics is a delightful subject in which to have expertise - a bit like Divinity really; no one quite understands what its about.
Regards, P.
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Right, made it. Coo, nice bar. Sorry I'm late but some old bird called Karen tried to get me into her boat but I never had any pennies on my eyes so she changed her mind. Mine's a G&T, I believe.
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You won't need pennies on your eyes or anywhere else around here Mr Edwards, the landlord cheerfully pays for all or suffers the consequences. Or possibly the bills are still being sent to the previous landlord, wouldn't put it past Priscilla to think of a cunning plan.
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One G&T coming up Mr E. No charge. Linked to many cellars by underground means nefarious, we are well stocked for the present. There is a slight problem in that there are many types of gin on the ledges - so which is your preference? Ice ? Swizzle stick? This being first visit hospitality, next time may be different. However, Our Host, Andrew has introduced a novelty item. (Post 30)
I turned down his Chateau Savoir Faire but changed my mind and exchanged it for a crate of vintage Chateau Espieglerie. Auntie Beeb had in a cupboard of confiscated attitudes. We must search out other Chateau vintages suitable for the ambiance in our cavern.
Regards, P.
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There's a choice? Damn... in that case, I shall have a Black Bush instead with a single cube of ice and nothing else. Choices, pah!
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Stop moaning - it's far worse having to decide about a rack of supermarket bread. Large small. what sort of grain, cut or not, how thick, brown, white or whatever. How I miss the old fashioned shops where one pointed from a choice of three.
Regards, P.... it will be noted that we don't do food here for that sort of reason.
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I have been in somewhat of a dilema over Mr Edwards' name, being lazy I'd like to abbreviate it but feel that Mr Ed could be interpreted as a tad equine, talkative and therefore causing insult.
But Mr E is a good compromise P, why didn't I think of it? So simple really. Best hand over a bottle of that white thanks Priscilla, my brain is in need of more marinating.
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E's a good, E's a good, E's Ebeneezer Good.
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, in reply to message 41.
Posted by somewhatsilly (U14315357) on Tuesday, 26th October 2010
Don't allow any 'E' s in here please, next thing would be loud music with strange names referring to thrashing and such like and we'd all have to drink lots of water which would not be at all appropriate.I'll stick to getting out of my tree on tried and trusted ethyl alcohol if you don't mind.
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Oh awright then... can't interest you in some blue lotus?
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, in reply to message 43.
Posted by somewhatsilly (U14315357) on Tuesday, 26th October 2010
Assuming your not suggesting an evening reading the works of Herge, I think I'll decline. You'd not enjoy seeing me drifting around wearing diaphanous white linen any more to get into the spirit of things and anyway, I'm sure my aching back would prevent me exploiting its more 'energising' properties. A nice cab sauv will be quite sufficient, you naughty boy!
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Beware. Eighth entrance on the left leads directly into the Carlsberg Caverns.
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How do you know? Have you been given a guided tour? Nobody's offered me one. Anyway I don't want one; I'm just standing guard by the door. Or whatever the thing is that gets us inside.
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I followed the signs which, in the prevailing gloom, I thought said "Carlsbad Caverns". Imagine my surprise when I emerged in a huge underground - not exactly brewery, more lager factory.
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, in reply to message 47.
Posted by Mr_Edwards (U3815709) on Wednesday, 27th October 2010
You mean Carlsberg is in fact made by the Niebelungen?
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, in reply to message 48.
Posted by Priscilla (U14315550) on Wednesday, 27th October 2010
Possibly a private order, Mr E. I booked Simon Rattle and the Berlin Phil for the grand opening once the last pub closed with Andrew Host sounding his signature 'Last Post."
I wanted Mahler's Second but possibly they changed the programmme to suit the surrounds.
Has anyone booked next week's group of choice yet? No? Why should I have to do everything around here?
Caro, come in from the cold and let's adjorn to he Gruntled Bar where it's warmer and not so crowded.
P.
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, in reply to message 49.
Posted by Priscilla (U14315550) on Wednesday, 27th October 2010
Am in state of shock. I have just glanced at my e-mails to find someone trying to lure me into making 'Healthy Hallow e'en Treats" Is the world going mad?
No mention of Healthy Tricks, I noticed.
And please desist from bringing in similar silly notions here, if possible.
P.
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