Â鶹ԼÅÄ

Recently, I've been surfing pretty well.Ìý This has come as a huge shock as it’s something I'm not used to, so I've been searching hard for an explanation.

In all board sports, there’s a lot to be said for having a low centre of gravity.Ìý All other things being equal, the lower your centre of gravity, the more stable you are.

Tightrope walkers use this knowledge to their advantage by carrying long, bendy poles which, as they sag at the ends, make the rope walker’s centre of gravity close to, and often below the level of the rope, making it almost impossible to fall off.Ìý But I hadn't changed shape, so that couldn't explain my improvement.

A second aid to staying upright is a stabiliser, whether on a kid’s bicycle orÌý in the form of outriggers on a yacht. But I was riding the same width board – that couldn't be it either.

However, after a little more thought, I realised I was wrong on both counts for the following reason.

Last year, I gave up using my Fuzz-Away shaver because it could no longer keep up with my prolific nasal and ear hair growth.Ìý Besides which, realising I'm far too old to attract women these days, I thought I might as well suspend all personal grooming.Ìý What a winning choice that was.

My ear hair is now so long, it protrudes out of the wrists of my wetsuit, gets sodden and heavy, and drags in the water as I surf, thus both stabilising and lowering my centre of gravity.Ìý Vanity doesn't pay.

Thruster