�鶹Լ�� Writers Feed

How I Got to Write for Topical Comedy Shows

2019-04-23T15:15:06+00:00

If six months ago somebody had told me I would be writing for topical comedy shows, my response would have been - “What’s tropical comedy? Some form of new entertainment only to be enjoyed in exotic locations?” However I was fortunate enough after submitting a comedy pilot script to �鶹Լ�� Writersroom to be selected from 2,632 entries (but seriously, who’s counting?) as one of 15 writers to participate in the 2018/19 Comedy Room group. That’s when I caught this topical comedy writing bug.

There are a few people to blame for infecting me with this contagious disease. I’ll start with the award-winning stand up comedian and writer Gráinne Maguire. She was responsible for running a Comedy Room workshop explaining the art of writing topical comedy and how to construct gags from headlines and articles. If Hollywood were thinking of doing another Karate Kid re-make and instead of learning martial arts, Daniel-son had to come up with one-liners and gags, then she would be the frontrunner to play Ms Miyagi. Gráinne dropped some serious “wax on, wax off” techniques that got me feeling like I could karate chop any headline into a comical gag.

The Comedy Room writers 2018/19

At the end of this workshop, the second culprit Amanda Farley, who co-runs the Comedy Room (along with the equally culpable Simon Nelson) decided to set some homework. Our mission was to submit sketches and one-liners for the next few weeks to the �鶹Լ��’s Newsjack. Whilst being on the Comedy Room and having the pleasure of listening to a vast number of comedy writing legends such as Gemma Arrowsmith, Ged Parsons, Logan Murray, Sarah Morgan and many more there seemed to be a recurring theme. Everyone waxed lyrical about �鶹Լ�� Radio 4 Extra’s Newsjack and how it was the best route for a new comedy writer to earn their first writing credit and get their name “out there”. It was also frequently mentioned that Newsjack can open doors to other writing opportunities. So the challenge was set, try to get some material featured on the show. Unfortunately (for me) we weren’t able to name drop the �鶹Լ�� Writersroom scheme and get any special treatment, we simply had to submit via the “open to the public” regular Newsjack submissions email address. Nevertheless I decided to give it a go.

Newsjack airs on �鶹Լ�� Radio 4 Extra on Thursday evenings when it's on-air. When submissions are open the deadlines are midday Monday for sketches and midday Tuesday for one-liners. Simply because of the sheer volume of entries the team can’t respond to everyone so you’ll only receive an email if any of your material is selected to appear on the show. So Thursday rolls around and I receive an email from the Newsjack team. As soon as I see the email header I’m dancing around the room doing my best Diddy bop, thinking about the type of tweet I was going to unleash to let the world know I’m now a bonafide comedy writer. However when I get around to actually reading the full email my Diddy bop comes to an abrupt halt. Here’s where I explain that there is a slight caveat to the “you only receive an email if you get featured on the show” rule. Your material may make it to the show’s script and may even get performed and recorded. However, there is a chance it will not make the final edit of the show. Nevertheless take heart because making the script is still deemed a solid achievement and the good folk at Newsjack will send you an email of encouragement to let you know your material made the script but unfortunately not the final edit.

So I put my tweet into the drafts folder and went back to the drawing board. What everyone failed to mention was that this topical comedy writing is a bit like a drug (one can only assume). You find yourself trawling the headlines day after day mining a joke from every headline and article. Trust me, once you start, you’ll never look at a headline the same way again. The second week I submitted my sketches and one-liners as per the deadline and waited. Thursday came around and another email, this time my material made it onto the show and I was over the moon. It’s a great feeling to hear the material that you’ve written being performed and come to life. After the last episode of Newsjack aired, I sighed a sigh of relief and felt pleased that I had fought the good fight and done Aunty Amanda proud with my homework assignment.

However that wasn’t the end of the ride. I received an email from one of the Newsjack producers inviting me to submit material for Newsjack Unplugged, a shorter version of the show which airs for five weeks after the main show finishes. I was chuffed to be invited and managed to get some more material featured to bolster my credits.

Newsjack on �鶹Լ�� Radio 4 Extra

The Newsjack Writers' Room

Following Newsjack Unplugged I was invited to attend the Newsjack Writers' Room for the day and was looking forward to being in the room with other writers. My typical writing process consists of me lounging at home, satin pyjamas, smoking jacket, surrounded by important magenta coloured encyclopedias and dictionaries, the smell of freshly opened potpourri and the soothing sounds of Enya’s Orinoco Flow to get the juices moving, so truth be told - I was looking forward to a change of scenery.

We were advised to read the papers in advance and come armed with 2 or 3 ideas for sketches. I ensured I had about 6 ideas ready to go just to be safe. Having arrived at �鶹Լ�� HQ we all sat down in a rather swanky room and for the first couple of hours took turns in discussing our ideas. The producers were welcoming, funny and constructive in their comments and feedback. The other writers in the room also chipped in with suggestions on the ideas pitched, the whole experience was really laid back and it was a supportive environment with tons of encouragement and great ideas on how to improve and frame concepts.

Once each writer had at least two solid sketch ideas we had the rest of the day to work on them. There was a deadline of 1pm to email a draft of our 1st sketch to the producers who would give us some feedback to tweak if necessary. We would also need to get a draft of our 2nd sketch to the producers by at least 3pm and again they would reply with any comments for us to try and improve if necessary. The whole process was really helpful in shaping an initial idea into a sharp sketch and being in the room with other writers was great as you were able to bounce ideas and get inspiration from each other.

At the end of the day we had to email our final drafts to the producers and they would review and decide which sketches would make the show. It’s important to mention that just because you are in the Writers' Room for the day, it doesn’t guarantee your material being featured. Sounds harsh but that’s the breaks. Naturally being in the room increases your chances but the material will still be judged alongside all of the other content submitted for that week. All in all it was really good to be in the room and get a front row seat on how the show is constructed.

The Now Show with Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis

The Now Show

As I mentioned earlier, word on the street was that Newsjack was a great way to start your comedy writing career and it will help open the door for other opportunities. I can confirm - the streets don’t lie. I received an email out of the blue from Adnan Ahmed, producer extraordinaire of the The Now Show. Adnan had read some of the material I had submitted to Newsjack and invited me into his Writers' Room for an episode. The process for The Now Show is slightly different and was another great learning experience. Whilst the show is still based around topical news, where it slightly differs from Newsjack is that the aim is to write material for the hosts of the show - the legendary Hugh Dennis and Steve Punt. So it’s important to try and understand their voices, listen to previous episodes and tailor the jokes and and material to fit their comedy style.

I was surrounded by a room full of funny women including Laura Major who has written on everything such as Have I Got News for You, 8/10 Cats, Mock The Week and too many more to mention. Also there were the super funny �鶹Լ�� Radio Comedy Bursary writers Catherine Brinkworth and Kat Sadler. There was also standup comedian and all round funny man Ian Smith, so I was in very good company.

The hosts Hugh and Steve joined us in the morning and we discussed some of the key topics that we were going to focus on and had a clear idea of the areas to target. However with topical comedy, events can move pretty fast, especially in the glorious era of Brexit, so being able to quickly adapt an idea or sketch based on the ever changing news cycle always comes in handy.

Jeffrey Aidoo

The journey so far has been fantastic and the good news is you don’t have to be a right-honourable gentleman or gentlewoman to write topical comedy. Just because you’re not glued to the parliament channel doesn’t mean you can’t whack out some topical comedy.

Some Top Tips

Submit to Newsjack EVERY WEEK. That might sound like a no-brainer but I guarantee if you are submitting good material for 8 weeks consistently, you will get noticed. Don’t be disheartened if you aren’t featured and don’t think that it’s because your material wasn’t funny enough. Being in the Writers' Room really opened my eyes to see there are a plethora of reasons why your sketch or one-liner may not get included and it could have absolutely nothing to do with how funny it is. For example there were two completely different sketches pitched in the room, both equally as funny but both were centred around an emergency room type situation. It wouldn’t have made sense to have them both in the show. Now one of them had to be dropped, not because it wasn’t funny but simply because both wouldn’t work within the same episode. So submit, submit, submit. Last thing on this tip….. SUBMIT!
Don’t always go for the top headline grabbers. Yes, if you’ve got a great angle on a top headline, go for it, but look out for the equally as funny, smaller local stories. The first sketch that I got featured was a story about a �鶹Լ�� Radio Norfolk DJ who happened to share the same name as a notorious French Rapper who had just released an inflammatory new rap single. Now this poor old Radio Norfolk DJ was mistakenly receiving online abuse and trolling. So I wrote a sketch about this hapless DJ receiving a bunch of calls from angry French people during his local mid-morning show. So it doesn’t always have to be breaking news. You can find the funny in all types of stories.

Now I need to go and pick up my satin pyjamas from the dry cleaners so I’ll leave you with this. I don’t know where this topical comedy writing journey will end but I know where it began. The �鶹Լ�� Writersroom Comedy Room is truly a money-can’t-buy type of experience. The industry knowledge, the connections you will make, the writing opportunities…. The scheme not only opened doors but opened my mind to a world of new writing opportunities that I had previously never even comprehended. The icing on the cake is the good folks at �鶹Լ�� Writersroom don’t leave you high and dry once the scheme is over. Having finished the scheme a few months ago I've still been invited to a number of events and been given the opportunity to pitch ideas for current shows simply because I am part of the Comedy Room alumni. So please, stop reading my incoherent ramblings and start your own journey.

The Comedy Script Window Is Open people. The �鶹Լ�� Need You.

Find out all about our open submission window for Comedy and submit your script now

Find out about Newsjack - when submissions are open it will be listed on our Opportunities page

The Newsjack Writers' Room

2017-02-08T17:12:49+00:00

Exclusive to �鶹Լ�� Radio 4 Extra, Newsjack showcases the week's news stories which have been lovingly bashed, mashed and moulded into sketches and one-liners. Anyone can submit material to go into the show alongside material from the show's core group of writers. Claire Wetton explains how she made the move from submitting material to being part of the show's Writers' Room...

When I first received an email asking me into the Writers' Room as a commissioned writer for an episode of Newsjack, I did what I presume all professional comedy writers do. I screamed, jumped in the air, did a little dance, ran down the stairs, ran back up the stairs, did another little dance…and then freaked the motherfudger* out.

Like most people, Newsjack was my first ‘proper’ job in comedy writing. Up to that point, I’d been writing sketches on my own, in my PJs, in the hope that I was maybe producing something mildly amusing. But writing a sketch about a killer gang of goats in my bedroom on a Sunday evening was one thing. Writing some award-winning, cutting edge, biting satire at the �鶹Լ��, in front of actual producers, whilst wearing actual clothes, was something totally different. I was filled with a mixture of overwhelming terror, irrepressible excitement, and of course, an unnecessary amount of anxiety about which notepad I should use to make sure I was being taken seriously.

Claire Wetton

If you don’t know what the Newsjack Writers' Room is, then let me explain. As you probably know, Newsjack is the �鶹Լ��’s open door show (if you don’t know about Newsjack, there are plenty of blogs on here about how you can get involved). Anyone can submit either sketches or one-liners to the show. If the production team consistently enjoys the work you’re submitting, they may ask you to come in and be part of the Writers' Room. I’d been submitting both one-liners and sketches every week for one series when I was called in. In that time, I’d had one sketch and 3 one-liners on air.

So what happens in the Newsjack Writers' Room? Well, about six writers and two producers meet on a Monday morning somewhere in the �鶹Լ��, to come up with ideas for that week’s show. As a writer you’re expected to come to the meeting with two to three sketch ideas, based on stories from that weekend’s news. I tend to take four to six ideas, as sometimes another writer pitches a brilliantly biting sketch idea about killer goats, which blows yours out the water. You want to have something else you can fall back on.

Claire (second from right) with the Newsjack Writers' Room

The pitching meeting sounds scarier than it is. The good thing about Newsjack is that it’s a show for new writers. Everyone in the room remembers what it was like the first time they pitched a sketch in front of a roomful of strangers. There’s a definite spirit of support in the room, and no one is judging you based on your pitches.** Some of the worst pitches end up being the best sketches, and vice versa.

The producers will ask each writer to pitch their favourite idea. If it’s your first time in the room, you won’t be asked to pitch first, so you’ll have the chance to see how it’s done before it’s your go. Once you’ve pitched an idea, the producer may make some suggestions on how you might want to frame the sketch or how to best focus the idea. The rest of the writers may then pitch in some jokes or ideas that may help you write your sketch (which you are free to use or ignore). Then we keep doing that until all the ideas have been pitched, and everyone has at least two sketches to work on.

Once the morning meeting is done, you have about two hours to write your first drafts. You can do this however you want. Most writers tend to stay in the meeting room, and work in there where we can support each other with ideas and cups of tea, but you’re welcome to go and find a quiet space on your own if you work better that way.

Once you’ve finished your first draft, the producers will read them and provide you with some feedback, so you have the afternoon to redraft and create some truly award-winning, cutting edge, biting satire. Or a sketch about a gang of killer goats. You never know with Newsjack.

Newjack presenter Angela Barnes gives tips on how you can get your material on the show…

Excellent things about writing for Newsjack in the writers room.

1. You get to pitch your idea to a producer before you write it. That way, you know whether they’re interested in putting it in the show or not, before you come up with 25 puns about killer goats.
2. You get to meet and work with other writers. Everyone at Newsjack is really supportive and generous with their ideas, so when, for example you shout out ‘Urgh, apparently I can’t murder this robot at the end of my sketch. What can I do?!’ Someone else might shout out, ‘Send him off to Robot Wars!’ thereby, giving you a perfect ending you’d have never thought of yourself. (This is a true story. I told you the Newsjack room’s full of award winning, biting satire.)
3. There’s no guarantee your work will make it to air just because you’re in the Writers' Room, but as you’ve spent a whole day getting feedback from producers, you do have a much better chance.
4. You get to go and work at Television Centre. And drink tea out of �鶹Լ�� mugs. And pretend you’re dead cool and important.
5. You get to build up relationships with producers across the radio comedy department, which can lead to work on other comedy shows. Which is also exciting.

Bad things about writing for Newsjack in the writers room.

1. They really do frown on you writing in your PJs.

I’m writing for my 5th series of Newsjack now, and I’ve had all sorts of opportunities and experiences from it. It’s one of my very favourite things to do. And someone always comments on my choice of notepad.

*Insert your own expletive here
**Although I may be judging you on your choice of notepad.

Newsjack is open for submissions of sketches and one-liners now with weekly deadlines on Mondays and Tuesdays until 28th February

Find out more about Newsjack including How to submit your sketches and one-liners

Listen to Newsjack on �鶹Լ�� iPlayer

Newsjack: The radio comedy show that anyone can write for

2015-08-21T10:11:40+00:00

Calling all comedy writers! Newsjack, the topical sketch show that anyone can write for is back for its thirteenth series and we need you to send us your comedy gold!

The brilliant Nish Kumar is back as host and we’ve made a launch video to get you in the mood.

Newsjack is back!

Every episode is packed with sketches and one-liners submitted by aspiring comedy writers. You don’t need to have any credits or previous experience to get your work on air, just be really funny and believe in yourself… Well, don’t just believe in yourself, as Nish said, he doesn’t just want a load of bits of paper saying you ‘believe in yourself’.

Newsjack is known to be the first rung on the comedy writing ladder, with writers such as James Kettle, Gabby Hutchinson Crouch and James Bugg starting their careers submitting material to the show. We purposefully leave spots in our writer’s room for new people coming through who get their sketches and one-liners broadcast, meaning that anyone is in with a chance of joining us at the �鶹Լ��'s Grafton House to work with the producers, script editors and other writers.

One of our fantastic contract writers, Gabby Hutchinson Crouch has some tips to help you during the writing process:

- Look through the news at the weekend for stories to use, especially on a Sunday night or Monday morning if you have the time to then. The sketch deadline’s Monday at noon, but the show doesn’t go out til Thursday, so the fresher the story the better. Unless it’s a massive story, if it happened any earlier than Saturday I treat it as old news.

- Don’t just look at the big political stories, lots of people are going to be doing sketches about those and they’re not going to broadcast two sketches about the same story. I find going through the Science, Environment & Tech sections particularly useful, as well as Arts & Entertainment. Last series we were also noticeably low on Sports sketches, so that’s worth having a crack at, even if you don’t know much about the sport in question, as long as you can find what’s funny about the story. I know very little about horse racing, but one of the Newsjack sketches I’m proudest of is in the form of a horse race commentary.

- Good sketches are joke-lead. If it doesn’t contain at least one joke per line (or one short line that’s a set-up followed by a punchline) then it’s going to die. Newsjack’s recorded in front of an audience of about 200, your sketch has to have them laughing out loud throughout.

- Be as brief as you can. Make your point in as funny a way as possible, and then get out quickly. I aim for sketches to be under 3 pages. Chances are, if it makes it through, it’ll be cut to under 2 pages anyway.

- Write a short introduction for the host. Introduce the story, add a quick joke, set up the sketch and you should be away.

- Remember that there will always be a cast of 2 women and 2 men. You’ll be surprised how many sketches we get with 5 people in, or 3 characters that have to be played by men, or sketches where there’s one woman who’s just there to feed lines to the male voices. We’ve got some brilliant female talent on the show, and the producers are going to want material that makes good use of them.

- Know how your sketch is going to end before you start writing it. You need to go out on a strong punchline or funny twist, it helps to have the backbone of the sketch planned out first so you can get the structure right. It’ll save you a lot of staring at a three page sketch wondering how the Hell to make it stop. I speak from bitter experience here.

Extra extra writing tips:

- Decide on the angle or point of the sketch before you write it and make sure everything in the sketch serves that point.

- Try not to go down the obvious route with a news story. If you have an idea, it might be worth searching Twitter to see if the same idea has already been told by 1000 people on there already. If it has, then it’s probably a good idea to think of a less obvious joke.

Nish also has his own nuggets of wisdom about submitting to the show:

Nish's Newsjack Nuggets

The first deadline for submissions this series are:

Sketches: 12.00pm Monday 7 September 2015

One-Liners: 12.00pm Tuesday 8 September 2015

Then at the same times each week for the following five weeks.

Please note that submissions submitted after the deadline each week will not be read. All submissions should be sent to newsjacksubmissions@bbc.co.uk.

You can read the full submission guidelines, as well as download formatted templates on the Newsjack website. You can also listen to clips from the previous series to hear the types of sketches that have got on to Newsjack.

So, what do we want you take away from this blog?

Anyone can write for us. Just be satirical, original and funny.

Newsjack is being produced by Matt Stronge and Suzy Grant. The first episode airs on Thursday 10th September on �鶹Լ�� Radio 4 Extra.

Follow Newsjack on Twitter for the latest updates

On our blog: Find out more about producing Newsjack

Read a blog by former Newsjack contributor Tom Neenan

Producing Radio 4 Extra's Newsjack - From the Writers Room to the Edit Suite

2014-10-31T11:02:33+00:00

Charlie Perkins and Arnab Chanda

Hello. We are Charlie Perkins and Arnab Chanda. Charlie is a girl. Arnab is a boy. We are the Producers of the 10th and 11th series of Radio 4 Extra’s topical sketch show Newsjack. It’s quite an unorthodox show, in that it’s written almost entirely by the public, and put together in just two days. It’s an insanely quick turnaround, and can lead to panic attacks.

The work begins for us on Monday, when we read all the sketch submissions from the public and also run the Writers Room, which usually consists of 6 writers- young standups, sketch comedians, or writers who have consistently sent great sketches into the show. In it, each writer presents three sketch ideas they have, and the whole room tries to help them shape it. It’s a very friendly and collaborative room. We hope.

Newsjack writers meeting

So, what makes a good topical sketch? Well, maybe the most important thing is having a target. Comedians such as Jon Stewart, John Oliver, and Charlie Brooker all have fantastic satirical shows because they know their point of view and what they want to attack. A great topical sketch similarly needs to do the same. Otherwise it can be funny, but utterly pointless. Sounds obvious, but there also needs to be a good beginning, middle, and end to the sketch. In the Writers Room, we ask everyone just to outline the sketch during the morning, and then actually write the dialogue in the afternoon once they’ve figured out the structure of it. It’s often the same in sitcom writing- you don’t actually start writing the dialogue until you’ve outlined the plot. It’s often laborious and boring, but incredibly important.

Arnab noting news stories

On Tuesday we work with the Script Editors in shaping the top 25 sketches from the Monday. Romesh also comes in to the office to write his monologue based on the biggest news story that week. We also read ALL the one-liner submissions. This series we had a week where we received over 2,500. That was crazy. By the time the show airs, only about 30-40 will survive....

On Wednesday, we make final changes to the sketches and one-liners, and have two read-throughs with the entire cast in the �鶹Լ�� Radio Theatre, after which we make even more tweaks, and then record the final show at 7:30pm. Hopefully people laugh. If they don’t, everyone stares at each other in horror.

Newsjack Recording

On Thursday, we spend the day in the edit suite with our edit maestro Chris Morris, and add all sorts of stings and music to help the sketches come alive. And then the show goes out that very evening at 10:30pm on Radio 4 Extra! Then Charlie and Arnab go to bed.

Newsjack Edit room

It’s been an incredible experience producing the past two series of NewsJack. In the 11th series, we incredibly had 131 individual contributors, which is so exciting to have found that many promising writers. Our main goal when producing this show was not only to have this show be a platform for new writers, but also for new performers, and script editors, and we hope this tradition continues for years to come.

So thanks for writing and keep submitting to the show!

�鶹Լ�� iPlayer: Listen back to the last episode of series 11.

Newsjack website: Find out how you can submit to the next series including tips and advice.

Previously on the Writersroom blog:

Newsjack by Numbers

Newsjack: A Hero's Journey

Newsjack By Numbers

2012-11-06T12:16:37+00:00

The Newsjack writing team

Series seven of Newsjack, Radio 4 Extra’s topical sketch show, is over. The great thing about Newsjack is its open door policy. Anyone can send stuff in. Anyone. We get sent good stuff, we get sent bad stuff, we get some really odd stuff too. One week someone sent in a bag of hair. That didn’t make it into the show.

One of the measures of success for Newsjack is how many new writers it finds. So after six weeks of looking for those writers and turning their work into a show, what is left to do? To put them all in a spreadsheet and count the buggers, that’s what.

Right, so this series we averaged 454 emails per week. Attached to these emails were sketches and one-liners. Some people send one sketch, some two, some three, some a page of one-liners, some, hair in a bag, so it’s hard to quantify exactly how that breaks down but I’m going to do it anyway because I bloody love numbers.

Approximately 850 documents a week were received and read by producers, script editors and staff writers. From this material we aimed to put together a recording script of around 30 items – typically 25 sketches and 5 sections of one-liners (the opening monologue, three lots of “JackAps” and a corrections section at the end). We received so much good material that we got a bit carried away with ourselves, and ran to 28 sketches, plus the one liner segments – a total of 170 sketches in the recording scripts, over the series.

Those 170 recorded sketches were written by 85 different writers. We also recorded 250 one-liners by 126 different writers.

We recorded more than we needed because that’s what you do. Material is dropped for several reasons but if it made it into the recording script, we thought it was good.

Here’s what made it into the finished show:

99 sketches were broadcast over 6 x 28 minute shows.

41 were by commissioned writers and 58 were by non-commissioned (non-com) writers

136 one-liners were broadcast; 8 by commissioned writers and 128 by non-com.

We averaged 34 writing credits per week, of which an average of 27 were non-com.

In total, we broadcast the work of 123 different writers.

The 99 sketches were by 60 different writers.

The 126 gags were by 87 different writers.

I know 60+87 doesn’t = 123: put your hand down, cheeky, some people wrote both. And here are some other caveats:

Sometimes we had similar sketches by different writers so we took the best bits from each to make 1 sketch. If 2 non-com writers shared a credit for the 1 sketch we credited that as 2 writers, but writing partnerships count as 1.

Some people who were commissioned for 1 show got stuff on other episodes as non-com - although we've not counted them twice in the list of 123 writers, their material counted variously towards the com and non-com totals.

So that's the raw data for series seven. What can we learn though by comparing it to series six? Well, I'm very glad you asked me that...

Series six received around 80 emails more every week, on average. From this, it featured 101 sketches, by 53 different writers, and 95 gags by 69 different writers – using a total of 100 different writers (Lyndsay Fenner, Newjack Producer's, previous numbers blog says 102 – this is wrong, due to two people being credited under two variations of their name - she is currently being investigated for this misdemeanour). How can the submissions and sketches go down and the writing credits go up? You and your questions. Well, this due to the script editors (James Kettle, Jon Hunter, Andy Wolton, Benjamin Partridge and Tom Neenan) spending more time splicing people's sketches together – two good versions of “The Diary of Felix Baumgartner” can be turned into one very good one, in less time than it takes to rewrite it from scratch.

The other useful thing to look at is the number of new writers: obviously with Newsjack there's a developmental brief, where writers can be spotted as a non-com and invited to attend the writers' meeting; and if they do well there, they might be offered a commission, and so on. James Kettle worked up from non-com to script editor over the course of seven series – and is now a key writer for the �鶹Լ�� Radio Comedy, working on Tom Wrigglesworth's Open Letters, It's Not What You Know, Can't Tell Nathan Caton Nothing, Wordaholics and countless others – and he was also made one of our staff writers for a year. The point is, we should expect some names to keep cropping up – Newsjack encourages new writers, but developing them and their ideas takes more than six weeks-so no-one is probably ready to move on to more high-profile shows after just one or two series.

That said – this series has done exceptionally well in discovering new writers. Of the 123 writers, 86 writers did not receive a credit in the previous series. That works out as 38 people new to the show got a sketch on, and 68 people new to the show got a joke on.

Newsjack isn't the only way to get started as a comedy writer. But it is a way to get started – we promise to read your stuff, and if we like it and use it we'll pay you. From there, well – who knows. All we ask in return is that you read the submission guidelines, and get your sketches in on time. And if you title your documents “Sketch.doc”, we'll kill you. Oh, and don’t send your hair. Or anyone else’s.

Series eight of Newsjack starts on the 14th February 2013 on �鶹Լ�� Radio 4 Extra. A special show, featuring the best of series seven, will go out on Radio 4 the week before.

Newsjack: A Hero's Journey

2012-08-31T13:16:00+00:00

Newsjack - Radio 4 Extra's flagship topical comedy show

Tom Neenan deleted seven words from a document; he was the contract writer at �鶹Լ�� Radio Comedy five months into a twelve month contract and he was struggling with a puzzle of Sudokan proportions. Tom had been asked to construct a blog outlining his experiences writing for an open door topical sketch show on Radio 4 called ‘Newsjack’. It was returning for a seventh series and the producers were eager to encourage new talent to take part. He had been asked to use his own experience going from a non-commissioned contributor to his current position, for which he had written for a number of different projects and once been handed a coffee by Hugh Dennis.

You see, Newsjack was an excellent way for seeking out new writers; every week the producers requested a maximum of three sketches along with one document containing one liners in the form of ‘Jack Apps’ or ‘Corrections’. For Tom, submitting sketches to Newsjack was a Herculean task, which he executed with aplomb. He would sit down on a Sunday night and begin chiselling away at the marble of the news to slowly create his satirical Parthenon. The font; a classic Arial, the size; a cool 12 points, the margin; a sweet 2.5 cms - there was no stopping him. He would also masterfully incorporate both male and female voices into his sketches to fully make use of the cast, and stay true to the tone of the show by dodging four-letter-swears with the viper-like speed and poor taste jokes with musk-rat dexterity.

But at the production side of things they had it sewn up as well. The producers and script editors made sure that absolutely every piece of material submitted was read. It was in their best interest to find the strongest material as it made their job of creating the show easier – a practice which continues to this day.
Eventually Tom was invited in to sit in on the Tuesday meeting where producers would plug any gaps not covered by the non-commissioned material. In these meetings writers would pitch ideas and be sent away to write up the sketches, and in these meetings Tom realised that Newsjack had given him excellent practice in writing funny material to a deadline and adhering to a brief – a skill every writer needs to learn.

Having proven his ability to write gags and not spill Diet Coke down himself in these meetings, Tom was put forward as a contributor for other shows, asked to submit pitches and suggestions for shows that didn’t have an open door policy, and he even did some trial writing on The News Quiz, where writing topical material to a deadline was very much in vogue. In all of these projects Tom was using skills he had learned sculpting his skits on a Sunday night.

And so we re-join Tom, sitting at his desk where we first met him, as a contract writer for the �鶹Լ�� filling a post once held by the likes of Douglas Adams, Richard Herring and Stewart Lee, writing links, gags, sketches or even sitcoms all under the banner of his year-long contract with �鶹Լ�� Radio. He deleted those seven words from the aforementioned document and re-examined the email sent to him by Newsjack’s brilliant producers Carl Cooper and Ed Morrish: “Write a blog that shows how even the likes you can get into comedy writing through an open door show,” it said, “Oh and don’t write it in the third person, you’ll just sound pretentious”.

Tom Neenan is the contract writer for �鶹Լ�� Radio Comedy

Newsjack is Radio 4 Extra's flagship topical sketch show. They have an open door policy, showcasing the best new comedy sketches and one-liners submitted by writers.

Also see previous blog by Newsjack producer Lyndsay Fenner giving a round up of the 6th series.

Newsjack - Spread The Love

2010-06-28T15:14:36+00:00

Each week, during the run-up to the Newsjack recording, I'm struck by the fact that Miles Jupp is a cursed man. A curse so rare that you can go a month of Fringe Sundays before you find someone bearing the same cross. It's the curse of being a good straight man.

This isn't to say Miles isn't funny. He is - very funny indeed. He's the lynchpin in the Newsjack (Heath Robinson) machine. Part of what makes him so suited to the role of Newsjack anchor is how he knows his way around a joke. Never be afraid to give Miles a joke. I've been asked by a few writers whether they should include stuff for Miles at the top of their sketches and my answer is always the same - absolutely. I tend to write the opening monologue but everything else comes from the writer of the sketch. If your sketch needs and intro and there isn't one, I just have to write it so all you're doing is adding to my workload and cutting down on your minutes. Honestly, a nicely written Miles intro is a joy and a relief to read.

However, and I mean this as a compliment, what makes Miles almost unique is his skilful way with a feed line, a set-up, with the unglamorous spadework of the straight man. A bit like Kenneth Horne (who I always have in my head when working on Newsjack), Miles is a man who it's a pleasure simply to spend airtime with. Very few people can deadpan through a 'crazy spokesperson' sketch as well as Miles.

And it's not fair, goddammit!

The good straight man is the un-squeaky wheel that never gets the comedy grease; the clumsy metaphor that never gets rewritten. Sometimes I suddenly spot Miles hasn't had any jokes for four pages. He's been good, and amusing, but Dr Funnyname, has all the laughs.

So what this is, I suppose, is just a request. Think about the spread of your jokes. The straight man / funny man paradigm is as old as sketch comedy itself. The cashier, the customer, the Journalist 2, the Woman - these are the characters we've all written who's only job is to say "How can I help?", "I'm sorry?", "You want to do what?" and other thankless feeds lines. Sometimes their sacrifice is necessary - they die so that others might laugh - but often it's just a matter of having another look and seeing if there's a more interesting way of doing things. Why not have sketches where everyone's funny?

There's a brusque bit of TV sitcom writing advice that's applicable here: protect your star. The name on the marquee should get the best lines. Miles (or anyone in his position) with no jokes works OK, the show still rolls along but it's a waste. I've no idea if Miles reads these blogs so I'll spare his blushes and move this from the specific to the general. A sketch needs to be as funny as possible in as short a time as possible - if half of your lines are just feeds, is that the best use of your printer ink?

While I'm talking about spreading the love - women. Remember the show's cast is two men and two women. Sketches where three men talk and then are joined by a fourth man (and we get a lot of those) are not much use to us. Miles, of course, is one of those men so even sketches where Miles speaks, then hands over to two men talking, who then hand straight back to Miles can be logistical nightmares. Write more sketches with good parts for women. It seems crazy in 2010, but if you looked at the submissions we get, you'd assume that a lot of people don't know women can be doctors, police officers, MPs, scientists.

This isn't a PC call for balance, this is a practical, artistic call - use all the talent available to you.
As always, not rules, just thoughts.

I'm going to the TV Writers' Festival this week, so the script editing duties on Newsjack Show 3 will be in the capable hands of Gareth Gwynn. If the drama people don't spot me for a comedy interloper and beat me to death with their copies of Robert McKee, I look forward to reading your stuff for Show 4.

Dan

Newsjack 3

2010-05-27T16:05:40+00:00

Hello,

How's everyone been?

Just a quick heads up that Newsjack (Radio 7's open door topical sketch show) is returning for a third series, starting in June.

A refreshed Writers' Brief should be up any day now but essentially the idea's the same - a deadline for sketches of midday on the Monday before transmission (and a slightly later deadline for one liners).

This series is being produced by Sam Michell and Simon Mayhew Archer - making me officially the oldest, shortest and least boybandy of the editorial team. In the spirit of the new regime, some of the sections and returning items in the show will be getting a shake up. Some will be shaken all the way out of the door. I'll also be sharing the script editing duties this series, so at some point I'll be handing over the secret �鶹Լ�� blog password. Oh, go on then, I can trust you - it's K1LL6Mu$ic.

The first show goes out on Thursday 17th June, which makes the first sketch deadline 12pm Monday 14th. Keep an eye on the show's page for more specific details in the next few days.

Those of you new to the show might like to have a look at some of my previous blogs, particularly my partisan ravings about sketch formatting. If you're unfamiliar with the show, have a listen to the first one of the new series to get a flavour and, as always, if you're able, I think coming along to a recording is both fun and informative. Like an episode of Zingzillas. Except fun and informative.

Bam! Yeah! Take that, Cbeebies.

If you can top that sort of blistering satire, then maybe Newsjack is the show for you.

Dan

Newsjack: Comedy Jazz

2010-02-08T16:10:13+00:00

Ok, in memory of Johnny Dankworth, here's how a sketch is like a jazz tune.

Say you're listening to Coltrane play 'My Favourite Things'. He'll start out with the basic tune, and then he'll take it and muck about. He'll take that tune all over the shop, he'll noodle, he'll swoop, he'll throw it over to the piano, maybe the drums will get a solo. For most of the track, he'll do all the things that jazz lovers love and jazz haters hate. Then he'll bring it back. The basic tune reasserts itself and... finish.

A sketch is like that.

I've said elsewhere that a sketch is one idea. It can have as many twists and turns, as many opposing viewpoints and (must have) as many jokes as you like, but at heart it is one single idea. The opening of a sketch sells that idea, gets a laugh, sets the tune. From there on you can take it anywhere as long as, like Coltrane's rhythm section, you have the basic idea backing you up. A sketch can, and should, be as surprising as you can make it but every twist is just a variation on the central theme, an improvisation around your tune. Look at how Fry & Laurie play around with the information desk idea here.

The punchline, then, is the tune reasserting itself. It's the payoff - the ideal finish that the start promised. Everything in the sketch is pointed towards this moment. That's why a satisfying punchline gets such a big laugh - it's a Freudian release moment, with everyone getting there effortlessly at the same time.

Of course, you might not like punchlines. A lot of people think they're old fashioned. These are people who have to put stings between their sketches to cover the lack of laughs. A punchline doesn't have to be a badum-tish gag, it shouldn't inspire a wah-wah-wah from the trombonist. It does have to tie up the sketch. A sketch always has to have a last line, obviously, so why not make it funny? Otherwise you might just find your producer cutting out on the last big laugh.

So there you go: Thesis, Antithesis, Conclusion. Oh, wait, no. That's why sketch writing is like A Level History essays. I think my basic point is this: I like jazz.

Well, its just a bit-of-fun theory, thought up over an idle hour on the tube reading Newsjack submissions - and anyway I'm more Ornette Coleman than Wynton Marsalis, so feel free to go your own way, play whatever tune you like.

Which sounds like as good an excuse as any to listen to this.

Dan

Newsjack: Special Guests

2010-02-05T14:28:54+00:00

Hello. Apologies for missing a week - I was off in Bristol doing some acting and then I lost the email with my login details. Also, I'm only half way through series one of Mad Men so something had to give. Anyway, to make up for my absence, I promise my next blog will contain at least 75% more bullish opinion.

This one, though, I'm going to turn over to wiser heads. When I started this blog I asked a few writers I knew who'd been through the topical sketch mill for any advice they'd give if they were in my position. Well now, through the magic of cut-and-paste and formatting they are.

We start with Laurence Howarth. One half of Radio 4's Laurence & Gus (but I'm not saying which half), Laurence has written for, among others, Armstrong & Miller, Dead Ringers, Omid Djalili, Mitchell & Webb, Look Away Now as well as his own sitcoms Rigor Mortis and Safety Catch and the granddaddy of all topical radio shows Weekending.

Be careful of writing in the subjunctive. Not in the sense of using the subjunctive (it's a perfectly good mood) but in the sense of writing something that might work, that could be funny, that may fly if it gets a good rewrite or is really well performed etc. If you're struggling to think of a really good idea, it's tempting to alight on a mediocre one and work on that in the hope that it may eventually, somehow turn into something really good. Such ideas rarely do. Better to wait for the really good idea and then write in the indicative, i.e. a sketch that does work, is funny and will fly. Easier said than done, mind.

If this was an Alan Yentob documentary I'd fly to New York for the next interview. As it is, I just sent a friend an email. Danny Robins, as well as being a comedian, presenter and art panel pundit, is my long term comedy partner. We've done loads. You can trust him.

Beginnings and ends are the hardest. Go for unpredictability if you can and have a killer punchline - don't let it fizzle out, even if the beginning and middle are good, sketches with bad ends always get cut.

Keep it lean and mean. Look at every line and see if it justifies it's place in there comedically. A short and very funny sketch is better than a longer quite funny sketch.

Arial 12 point. It's the professional sketch-writer's font of choice. Times New Roman is for people who don't know how to work their computer properly and Comic San Serif is for the dangerously mad.

See, Arial 12pt. I said you could trust him. Since I asked Simon Blackwell (The Thick of It, The Old Guys, Peep Show) his opinion, he's been nominated for an Oscar, so hark unto this:

Always rewrite when you're asked to, and, unless you have a huge objection, in the way you're asked to. Most of what's in your first draft won't get broadcast, and that's a good thing.

Finally, Gareth Gwynn is one of the Radio Entertainment department's staff writers and has helped read / rewrite for every episode of Newsjack - as well as working on The News Quiz, The Now Show and I Guess That's Why They Call It The News. He's chosen to express the Newsjack submissions he read in the form of a graph.

Yeah, graphs in a blog. I'm like Ben Goldacre.

Next time: Why Sketch Writing Is Like Jazz. No, come back, where are you going? It is. It is like jazz.

Newsjack: Explosion In A Clown Factory

2010-01-18T12:57:52+00:00

Sorry about that last blog. I never wanted to come across as a font-obsessed monomaniac. Oh, I am one; I just didn't want everyone knowing.

So, the sketch deadline for Newsjack show 3 has passed. Did you send anything in? Slow news week, isn't it? And where it's not slow, it's grim.

The first radio job I had was writing on The Way It Is - like Newsjack, a topical open-door sketch show. The phrase 'explosion in a clown factory' became a writers' meeting joke for when we'd discussed all the headlines and we'd moved on to the AOB news stories; a code for the ideal subject for a topical sketch show. Anything other than write another sketch about London Fashion Week. It always seemed to be London Fashion Week back then - it was snow of the late 90s.

Newsjack has brought those days flooding back. Of course, then a non-comm could actually come in and wave their script under nose of the producer and find a corner of the canteen to do rewrites. This was before the whole Jill Dando thing made the �鶹Լ�� much pickier about their door policy. Added to that, most of the open door submissions were coming in by post or fax so the competition from slush pile was only a few inches rather than a couple of feet. Email has oddly made submitting both easier and harder.

These days I use 'explosion in a clown factory' slightly differently. For me it's a news story that at first sight looks like it'll result in comedy gold but actually has little to offer the sketch writer because it's already funny, a joke on a joke.

Last year, Swindon twinned with Disney World. Brilliant! Yet, I think it's a prime example of a light industrial Pierrot tragedy. The problem for a comedy writer is that all the jokes are already in the story. There's no sideways angle, there's nothing other than a funny news story. The jokes are already there for everyone to see - no matter how much you extrapolate, there's very little you can do that is funnier than the fact that Swindon and Disney World have twinned.

Beware the 'And finally...' news stories. Beware anything in a tabloid that's less than two inches in length - and beware anything that sounds like a set-up to a penis joke. Beware the Most Emailed on the �鶹Լ�� website, where comedy news never dies - that goat was still getting married last year. It might sound pretentious, but a sketch has to have tension and drama like any other script, just in miniature. OK, it did sound pretentious, but it's still true. Often that tension and drama turns on the juxtaposition of the story and your treatment of it. So if the source material is already a joke, where do you have left to go? Obviously, we're not asking for page upon page of Haiti jokes, but if there's nothing real under discussion what's the point of the sketch? That's not to say that 'just being funny' can't be the point - I certainly don't want a drily po-faced satirical show where the cast solemnly hold their fists in the air after every sketch - but it's better to be funny about something with a bit of balls than a nothing story that happens to include a dead parrot.

There's also a sub-set of the EiaCF (as all the cool kids are calling it) and it's this: the bleeding obvious take. Last week we had a lot of stuff about Iris Robinson and I'd say 90% were some form of The Graduate parody. That's not to say some weren't good, but they were all parodies of The Graduate - with a story about an older woman called Robinson seducing a younger man that's route one; the bleeding, dare I say it, obvious. That might sound harsher than I mean it to be. All I'm asking of you is this: when you're thinking of a funny angle on a story, be better than a Sun sub-editor. Could anyone have written that sketch or only you?

Now, by way of variety and to give some respite from my endless stream of opinionated rule-making, I've asked some writers that I respect and, more importantly, have the email addresses for, to write down the one bit of advice they'd give to someone starting out writing for a show like Newsjack. First up is Tony Roche, writer of The Thick of It, In The Loop, The Comic Side of 7 Days , World Of Pub and many more. Tony...

Always re-read what you've written before you send it.

Always re-write what you've written if you think you can make it better.

Persevere, persevere, persevere, then give up.

Give all your writing fees to charity.

Don't take other people's advice as gospel.

Thanks, Tony. Considering the nature of these blogs, that last one's quite interesting and I'll be discussing it in my next dictatorial rant: Script Editors - Where Do They Get Off?

Dan

NEWSJACK: SCRIPT SMART OR SMART SCRIPTS?

2010-01-13T13:32:35+00:00

OK, that's show two all printed off. We're now waiting for our cast to arrive from their snowy country retreats (and for some game changing news event to make all our sketches obsolete), so I've got just about enough time to post this on the subject of laying out sketches.

The first sketch I ever sold was to a short-lived and now forgotten Channel 4 show called Barking. My writing partners (Danny Robins and Marcus Brigstocke) and I had spent long hours laboriously single-finger tapping it out, letter by letter, on Marcus' word processor with the screen about the size of cigarette carton. We then printed it out on his dot matrix printer (that dates me) and posted it off (that dates me even more) to the producer. Who said, "Do us a favour - make the next one readable". We'd just written it out like we did for our stage scripts, trying to fit as much on one page as possible without any thought to font, layout or formatting. Thinking back it must have looked like a black page with a light dusting of white.

Reading as many sketches as I do for Newsjack, I can understand where that producer was coming from. If a sketch is hard to read, it can be hard to laugh at. Obviously, the most important part isn't the way the writing's laid out, but the writing itself. It's only the film industry, I think, who live by arcane rules of formatting - and isn't adorable how they use Courier so they can pretend it was written on an old typewriter? As long as what's on the page is clear, good writing will out.

However, I think taking the time to get your formatting right for radio will actually help the writing shine all the brighter. In radio the physical script, the pieces of paper with your words on them, is central to the whole production. In TV and film the actors learn their lines, in radio they don't. The sound engineers, the producer, everyone works from the same script the actors do. In radio, it all springs from the script. That's why it's such a writer-friendly medium - that and there isn't enough money to attract the massive, greedy idiots that can make film and television such a chore. So your radio script has to be clear and understandable, everything you want to say has to be right there in black and white - and the standard radio template we use in comedy is there for a reason. It's simply the clearest for everyone to read.

There's another, more selfish, reason why I'm urging you to take the time to lay out your sketches properly: IT MAKES MY LIFE EASIER. When I go in to tweak a line here or cut and paste a section there, it's seconds of my life wasted changing Times New Roman or Tahoma or Wingdings Italics or whatever into normal, sensible, clearly-the-best Arial 12pt. Those seconds add up. Do you really want me to lose precious moments with my young daughter over a serif font? This is no time to assert your independence from the hivemind. Arial. Arial. Arial.

I apologise if this is teaching anyone to suck eggs, but here's how you layout your basic vanilla radio script for Newsjack (and pretty much any other radio show):

DO NOT USE SCRIPT SMART. Controversial, I know, here in the heartland of Script Smart usage but, frankly, it's a nightmare. I'm sure it can be useful for longer scripts (though I just use Word without any macros) but for a three page sketch I don't see the point of using it. Plus, we can't edit it - and everything gets edited. When I see that 'Enable Macros?' box come up, my heart sinks, and you don't want my heart sinking just before I read your sketch.

FONT. Use Arial 12pt. It's the best - certainly the clearest for sight reading. It's what we'll change it to anyway, so be a mensch and use Arial.

THE TOOLBAR IS YOUR FRIEND.
Start by clicking on Format.
Then click on Paragraph.
See 'Indentation Special'? Set that to 'Hanging' and '4cm'.
Change 'Line Spacing' to 1.5 Lines.
Now after writing your CHARACTER NAME or FX (sound effects) or GRAMS (music) cues on the left, one tab will take you to the start of the cue - no need for multiple tabs or pressing the space bar. You can also set the hanging indent by moving the bottom margin arrow to 4cm. At the end of each cue, Return twice and start the next.

CHARACTER NAMES in capitals, FX and GRAMS in capitals, bold and underline.

FORMAT WHILE YOU PROOF READ. It's become second nature to me now, so I do it as I go along, but if you just want to get the words down without worrying about margins etc, just combine it with your final proof read.

DON'T FORGET THE BASICS - Name, email address in the Header, page numbers in the Footer. Everything that's in the writers' brief, basically.

If you're confused by any of that or unsure in any way, have a look at some of the radio comedy scripts on the Writersroom site - like this one by a couple of thrusting young Turks. As long as it looks like that, you'll be fine.

So, that's the easy way to format a radio sketch - and, like everything in this blog, it's only my opinion. Based on years of experience. Smiley face emoticon.

To sum up: it's the writing that counts, but making it look right can't hurt.

That Barking sketch turned out pretty weak in the end, but it did get sampled on DJ Dee Kline's Don't Smoke (Da Reefa), so take heart - maybe your next sketch will end up as a 1990s novelty drum n bass No. 11 chart 'hit'.

Next time on the Newsjack blog: Explosion In A Clown Factory - why a funny news story doesn't always equal a funny sketch.

Newsjack Uncut (Actually no, that would be about an hour long and full of mistakes)

2010-01-08T15:07:37+00:00

So, the first show of the new series has been written, re-written, collated, re-written again, rehearsed, performed, edited and broadcast so this seems as good a time as any to start this series of blogs aimed at giving you an insider's view of the ravening script-hungry beast that is Newsjack. You can tell I'm an insider through my use of hipster, cutting-edge industry jargon like 'show' and 'series'.

For fear of sounding like an anonymous alcoholic, I'm Dan Tetsell and I am the Newsjack script editor. Though I can't give you the secret code to the door marked 'success' - only Jonathan Ross knew it and he's dead to us now - I will try and tell you as much as I can about the process behind the final broadcast show and what we're looking for from our non-commissioned submissions.

For now, let's run through the Newsjack schedule.

As you'll know if you've read our writers' brief (and if you want to send stuff in, you really should) the deadline for sketch submissions is midday on Mondays. We get around 300-400 emails a week and sometimes more, so that's a big pile to get through but, and I can't stress this enough, everything gets read. If you send it, we will read. Newsjack wouldn't exist without its open-door submissions, so it's in our interest to make sure that nothing get missed. As I may have mentioned - everything gets read. Everything. Gets. Read. Oh, would you look at that, I can stress it enough.

What we're left with by around 5pm on the Monday are 80 or so of the best sketches. This is the selection that gets passed on to me and which I then do another pass on - putting them into 'Yes', 'No' and 'Hmmm?' piles - so that by the 10am Tuesday morning meeting we have a pretty strong idea about which news stories we've got covered and which ones we haven't. The Tuesday meeting for commissioned writers is essentially to plug the gaps left by the submissions. Maybe a story has broken that morning or maybe nothing we've had in has really cracked the best comic angle.

Tuesday is taken up with getting as many sketches as possible into as good a shape as possible. Pretty much everything gets rewritten - some sketches more than others. With a show with so many different writers (we got over 70 new writers on air during the first series) my main job is to find, and fit things to, the Newsjack tone. Also, some things could just be funnier. Though I do the bulk of any rewriting that needs doing, sometimes I get the writer of the sketch to do it themselves (particularly if they've had something on before or I feel we're tonally simpatico) or I hand it over to Gareth Gwynn and John Luke Roberts, the Radio Entertainment department's staff writers.

While for most of Tuesday it feels like we've got no show, at about 4pm it all suddenly starts coming together and what looks almost like a show looms up at us out of the fog. The job on Wednesday morning is to finalise that shape. The idea is to go into a rehearsal with the cast at around 1.30pm with about 50 minutes worth of material. This does mean that some sketches that we've done several passes on can fall at this hurdle. Again we may write some last minute sketches to address something that's happened overnight or that morning (though Hoon and Hewitt helpfully decided to shoot themselves in the foot just ten minutes after we'd printed the scripts) or decide that a sketch could be held over for another week - particularly if it's about a news story that's going to bubble away for a while or if it's less urgently topical in it's subject matter.

The producers, our invaluable production co-ordinator, the cast and myself meet in the bowels of Broadcasting House and read the script through once. As I said, at this point the script can be around the 50 minute mark. The aim is to record about 40 minutes, so after the rehearsal there is a quick script meeting between myself and the producers about what needs trimming, punching up or cutting entirely. This can be the most brutal part of the rewriting process. It's only when you hear it read that you can really spot a script's weaknesses. That sketch? Needs to be half as long. That joke? Doesn't work. Replace it or cut it. Any line changes or cuts the actors amend on their scripts by hand, anything more complicated or radical I type up and reissue the pages.

There's then just enough time to rehearse on mic with the sound effects and music, make some final script tweaks, have a small sandwich (maybe they'll get bigger now Ross has gone) and a pre-show wee before the audience come in and it's time to see if any of our calls pay off. Ideally next week the media won't have spent all day warning everyone not to leave their homes and we'll get more than 50 people.

The show is edited on the Thursday morning using scissors and chewing gum before being fed into the giant robot who lives in the Radio 7 basement. To be honest, I have nothing to do with the show once the recording's over so I may have some of those final details wrong.

OK, right, that's how the show works from our end. I aim to look in more detail at each part of the process - and your part in the process - in later blogs but for now I'll give you the most basic of basic advice for getting on Newsjack.

Keep it short. A sketch doesn't want to be more than three pages in radio layout (of which more in the next blog).
Keep it simple. At heart, a sketch is a single idea. You can, and must, fit as many jokes into it as you can but the central premise has to be strong and clear.
Listen to the show. You really can tell who's heard the show and who hasn't. Go on get that podcast
Come and see the show. We record every Wednesday at Broadcasting House in London. Tickets are free and here. Not only is it more fun than sitting at home on your own, you'll also get an idea of what works in front of a live audience and get a feel for our cast.
Keep the faith. If you don't get something on, it's not a personal judgement on you. There are other shows and other chances. "No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better".

That's right, always leave 'em with a maudlin Beckett quote - it's the third rule of comedy. The first two being a Fight Club joke. Alright Newsjackers and potential Newsjackers, see me back here for our next sermon: Formatting. Ooooh.

Dan