You can't smoke in any public place in Northern Ireland, correct? Well that's the case until next week when the Assembly will consider a Health Bill which contains an unusual exemption to the ban. This will apparently allow actors to take a drag when on stage if smoking is essential to the artistic integrity of their performance.
Any hacks hanging out in the Stormont Press Bar who insist they need nicotine to get over writer's block are unlikely to be covered by the artistic integrity argument.
The Executive's honeymoon period is showing a few signs of cracking, what with Ian Jr's remarks over gays, Peter admonishing his colleagues over making rash spending promises and Sinn Fein arguing that the First Minister didn't set a good example by heading into a different lobby from the Deputy First Minister in a vote on the Single Equality Act.
At least the Office of First and Deputy First Minister will present a united front on June 11th when the top two have to answer their first questions from MLAs.
Well, not quite. Ian Paisley will take all the questions on June 11th. Then Martin McGuinness will go it alone the next time around. This is a change from the old question time format when David Trimble and his consorts used to sit side by side and take it question and question about.
So if you are an MLA wanting to ascertain the view of the OFMDFM on, say, gays, you might care to find out who is answering the questions on a given date. Oh, I forgot, when wearing their official hats all the ministers think the same about these issues.
The Education Secretary Alan Johnson is in town for a dinner celebrating the centenary of Labour's first conference in Belfast. He told my colleague Gareth Gordon that it won't be too long before Labour is fielding candidates in elections here. He said the process of the party organising here is irreversible. Alan Johnson has always been much keener on Labour spreading its wings in Northern Ireland than many of his party colleagues, including Peter Hain who is distinctly cool on the idea. Last night Newsnight held an utterly unscientific viewer vote on its debate between Johnson, Hain and the other Deputy Leadership contenders. John Cruddas won, Alan Johnson came third but our Secretary of State brought up the rear in 6th place. Ladbrokes currently have Mr Johnson as favourite on 2/1 and Mr Hain as the outsider on 12/1. Maybe the small core of NI Labour activists have more influence than I had realised.
Handbags at Dawn on the Culture Committee today when the Vice Chair Ulster Unionist David McNarry walked out in protest at the way the Chair, Sinn Fein's Barry McElduff was handling his demand for an inquiry into the current consultation on an Irish language bill. The deputy Chair accused the Chair of making things up as he went along. The Chair said the Deputy Chair was playing politics and didn't like "democracy in action". Afterwards both politicians said they wanted a word with the other. It's not clear at this stage if one word will be in Irish and the other in Ulster Scots.
Bizarrely, the losers in this row are the Arts Council - the Culture Committee voted down Mr McNarry's demand for an Irish language inquiry but are moving on post haste to an inquiry into funding for the Arts.
The engrossing saga of what the Stormont Committee of the Centre could be called reached its exciting climax today. Did they go for my suggestion of "Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness - Our Part In Their Downfall"? Did they opt for Philip White's "Committee for the True Folks on the Hill"? Or Susie Flood's "Committee for the Pantomime Horse?" Or John's "Committee for keeping tabs on Religious Fundamentalists and Retired Terrorists"? Or RJ's "Committee of the New Deal"?
No, they rejected all our proposals and the chair of the Committee Danny Kennedy also noted that there had been some helpful and unhelpful suggestions for a new name (surely not a reference to this blog).
Some members entered into the spirit of things. There were suggestions for Committee of the Left of Centre, Committee of the Soft Centre and Committee of the Hard Centre. But alas none of these ideas won a consensus.
Instead the scrutiny body will, presuming the full assembly approves, henceforth be known as the Committee for the Office of the First and Deputy First Ministers. A snappy title, as one member, tongue firmly in cheek, acknowledged.
They say all politics is local, but there's no doubt that the most ingrained political feuds tend to be within tight geographical boundaries. Yesterday the Strangford MP Iris Robinson refused to give way to the Strangford MLA Kieran McCarthy during the Assembly's debate on Free Personal care. Later she accused the Alliance member of shouting at her from a sedentary position. But that was nothing compared to what the MP said at the end of the day during a debate on a motion from Mr McCarthy criticising the standard of the roads in Strangford.
Mrs Robinson told members that she found "it difficult to take Mr McCarthy’s complaint seriously, as most of his constituency work is concentrated in Kircubbin and Portaferry. I doubt whether he could tell me anything about the road infrastructure in Killyleagh or in other parts of the constituency." Then later she added "I really have to bite my tongue sometimes when it comes to Mr McCarthy, because we often see memos that claim that he has done all sorts of wonderful things when, in fact, it was not him and he came in on the coat-tails."
After the MP's speech the Deputy Speaker commented "That was very entertaining β€” from a distance". I guess those are not the exact words Kieran McCarthy would have picked.
We had to wait so long for the sound of gloating that I started to think unionists must have been flattered by Sinn Fein's "Charter for Unionist Engagement", launched today. Was that why they had decided not to mention the Irish Election results, in which Sinn Fein lost a TD, rather than doubling its Dail team as republicans had hoped?
Then the DUP new boy, Alastair Ross, popped up in the middle of a debate on literacy and numeracy to suggest that republicans spend more time studying their figures, especially their election figures.
Sammy Wilson followed through by suggesting Sinn Fein need a lesson in subtraction and negative numbers.
How cruel when someone is just trying to reach out to you...
Jim Shannon, the fluent Ulster Scot speaking DUP MLA for Strangford, is concerned about the welfare of the poor old Red Grouse. He wants his colleague the Environment Minister Arlene Foster to consider the impact of birds of prey on the grouse population. Arlene acknowledges that the Red Grouse population is low but she's not convinced the Hen Harrier, the bird of prey in the frame, is the most likely culprit. She points out that the Hen Harrier is eating so many smaller birds such as the Meadow Pipit and the Skylark that it hasn't got room to fit any grouse in its tummy.
So who could be preying on the Red Grouse? It's a mystery. It surely isn't Jim Shannon himself, who as this blog noted earlier, is in favour of extending the shooting season...
In a written answer, the Education Minister Catriona Ruane has acknowledged to the Ulster Unionist Ken Robinson that males are under-represented in the teaching profession. Ms Ruane suggests various ways of addressing this, such as targeting all male schools and male groups in mixed schools for career presentations. Strangely, though, there's no suggestion of 50/50 recruitment, even though it was the prescription for another well known profession.
The Assembly has a new party and a new party leader. The Speaker told MLAs this morning that Dr Kieran Deeny has registered the Independent Health Coalition with the Electoral Commission. He's the leader. Making yourself into a party is a sensible move as it qualifies you for more privileges around Stormont - a financial allowance and better accommodation. The only wonder is that the Omagh doctor took so long to register. According to the Electoral Commission website, he hasn't got an emblem yet - any suggestions for an Independent Health logo?
Got back from an interesting day in the Dublin count centre yesterday. It's a long time since I've covered an election when the story hasn't involved the rise and rise of Sinn Fein. This will be a test of their resilience and whether they can avoid the trajectory of the Workers party, once they lose their peace process bounce.
We had all expected a party represented at the Stormont assembly to be playing a role in forming the next Irish government. We just got the wrong party.
Sinn Fein may have prepared a negotiating team for this eventuality. But the Greens appear less well prepared.
I had a brief chat with our one Green MLA Brian Wilson today. He told me that Northern Ireland Greens are represented on the party's national executive, so could be involved in the discussions about whether to join a coalition with Bertie Ahern. But until now they have tended to look after their own patch, so it's not clear whether they will play any great role. For the Greens, these are uncharted waters.
Sad, from the point of view of journalistic colour, to see the departure of the PDs' Michael McDowell. He was always vociferous in his opposition to Sinn Fein and vivid in his language. It was a shame that we could very rarely persuade him to appear on our programmes north of the border - his reluctance to grace our airwaves seemed to jar with his passionate views about what was going on here.
Not a reference to the old Allman brothers song (that ages me) but where I am off to today for the Irish election results. RTE's exit poll looks like good news for Bertie, with Fianna Fail holding steady. Sinn Fein is up by 0.8% which some observers view as disappointing, but it's stil very hard to work out what that means in their target seats. So whilst Bertie looks on track to be Taoiseach it's still anyone's guess who his partners might be.
Most of the chat before today's Executive meeting didn't focus on the policies under discussion - affordable housing, a review of the longstanding Review of Public Administration and so on. Instead questions and answers concentrated on whether the Executive would or wouldn't make statements after its meetings. It did last time it met, when Messrs Paisley, McGuinness, Robinson and Murphy talked about water charges. But some sources indicate that from now on it wants to tell the Assembly first about any decisions it is making, which would mean keeping shtum until Monday or Tuesday.
That said various ministers, such as Margaret Ritchie, Sir Reg Empey and Peter Robinson denied that they were under any gagging order.
A few points arise - if there is any really hot piece of news does anyone really think it will stay under wraps from Thursday evening until Monday afternoon? Also, in this day and age why does telling the legislators first mean waiting until the Assembly chamber actually sits? Have our MLAs not got e-mail accounts?
UPDATE: When the Executive ended Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness did speak to the press...so that gag didn't last too long...
Members of the Stormont Committee of the Centre are going away for a week to decide whether they should change their name. Some members thought it was well known who they were and what they did, but Alliance's Naomi Long argues that the public has no concept of the Committee's role, which is to shadow the Office of the First and Deputy First Minister.
But there's the rub. The Office has such a convoluted name. So if they call themselves "The Committee of the Office of the First and Deputy First Minister" people may understand what they do but they will never find a nameplate long enough to get all the words on.
Jim Wells suggested a two part name like "The Committee - Examining the work of the First and Deputy First Ministers". This has potential but is not nearly tabloid enough - instead they should think of a title which might grace a paperback cover. Something like "Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness - Our Part In Their Downfall" or "Scrutiny - Keeping an Eye on Everything". Any other suggestions?
We all know that Tony Blair and Peter Hain forced Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness into their unbelievable political civil partnership. So why does the Assembly have to debate a "legislative consent motion" next month enabling Westminster to push ahead with a bill on forced marriages? Oh, sorry.... the bill is trying to stop such shotgun weddings, not to make them mandatory.
In response to a question from the Tory Peter Bottomley on the threat to the winter quarters of whooper swans as a result of road proposals in South Derry, the minister Maria Eagle declared that roads are now devolved and whooper swans are now devolved.
I hope someone has informed the Whoopers of their new status. Will they designate themselves as "unionist, nationalist or other"? And how will they be categorised during the summer when they hang out in the Russian Arctic tundra?
Back in the Commons, the Merseyside MP Ms Eagle, clad all in red, got in a plug for Liverpool's chances in the European Champions League final. But apart from that her message was, essentially, "write to Arlene Foster".
The Liberal Democrat spokesman and tabloid regular Lembit Opik reckons the time has come to merge the NIO with the remnants of the Scottish and Welsh Offices. Lembit reckons the move could save taxpayers millions of pounds. With Gordon Brown waiting in the wings to take over a big reshuffle is on the cards. But will he engage in such major surgery before justice powers are devolved here, and given that the Scottish question could be an increasing headache for Whitehall?
A bit of a flap when the Assembly debated the fishing industry this evening. The new Agriculture Minister Michelle Gildernew wasn't there. Some unionists objected to her nominating her party colleague Conor Murphy as a substitute. But it was hard for them to work up too much of a head of steam since Ms Gildernew is in Washington representing the Executive at a dinner promoting food prepared by four local chefs.
The DUP motion called for the creation of an all party working group on fish. That prompted Sinn Fein's Sue Ramsey to enquire whether the fish concerned would be male or female. Her point being that when Sinn Fein called for an all party working group on women to be set up last week, unionists argued there were too many all party groups already in existence.
Yesterday appearing on "Stormont Live" I was asked to "talk around" a clip of Ian Paisley Junior raising his concern about an alleged attempt to burn down the Assembly boiler house on March 12th. That was the first day when MLAs arrived at the building after the March election. I quoted one Stormont source as suggesting the incident could have been someone having a "crafty smoke" where they shouldn't have been. Since then I've been told that it looks more sinister than that and the authorities are in pursuit of a suspect. So let's watch this space.
This wouldn't be the first time I've been ill informed about fires at Stormont. In January 1995, when I was the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ's Ireland Correspondent I got a phone call from my mum in England to tell me that Stormont was ablaze. She's heard an eyewitness who had phoned Radio 5 from their vantage point on the Newtownards Road. Yours truly rushed to the scene to play catch up and got there whilst the building was still well alight.
As proceedings in the Chamber got going today, Sinn Fein's Barry McElduff wanted to know whether MLAs had to wear jackets or could address the Assembly in short sleeves. The Speaker Willie Hay said protocol was clear - jackets are required.
As I write, Martina Anderson is addressing the Chamber on the topic of the Single Equality Bill which seeks to bring various pieces of anti-discrimination law together. She is wearing a turquoise dress with short sleeves, but no jacket. So is the protocol only applicable to male MLAs - and could this be a matter for the draftspersons behind the new bill to consider?
Wasn't the point of whole political process to take the gun out of Irish politics, as John Hume used to put it?
Interesting then to see that amongst the first four written questions tabled by our Assembly members was this one from the DUP's Jim Shannon.
"To ask the Minister of the Environment what discussions she and her Department have had about extending the shooting season until the end of February."
The Minister, Arlene Foster, replied that she hadn't had any such discussion, but was open to discuss the suggestion with Mr Shannon.
So further to my last comment, the DUP's Sammy Wilson did a typically knockabout turn in the chamber on the topic of Sinn Fein ministers being neither here, nor there. During an exchange with the East Antrim MP, Sinn Fein's John O'Dowd clarified that his colleague Fra McCann had NOT submitted a motion talking about Northern Ireland. Instead Sinn Fein maintains their original wording was changed by the Stormont Business Office.
All this has shades of the old Kevin McAleer sketch about a football match in which "the Province" plays "the Mainland". In the chamber, MLAs played it for laughs but it will be interesting to see if these old terminological traps undermine the "compartmentalisation" of old style politics by Executive ministers which I've noted previously.
It's "location, location, location" day at the Assembly as our MLAs discuss affordable housing, delays in planning and opening up vacant properties. But the location which made headlines this morning is this place, where we live, God's Own Country, if you know what I mean...
If you don't, then let me explain that unionists are not impressed by a memo from the Regional Development Minister Conor Murphy telling his staff how he wants this wee part of the world to be described. It's not "Northern Ireland", but "the North" or "here". "Londonderry" is "Derry" and the "Irish Republic" is "all Ireland".
Conor says it's not a republican diktat but just an attempt to explain to staff what language he would feel comfortable using in correspondence and statements going out under his name. However the memo on the topic also says such language should be used in submissions from officials to the minister.
The DUP's Gregory Campbell says its "puerile" and "absurd". One thing is for sure. Conor hasn't been discussing his terminological exactitude with his colleague Fra McCann, whose motion on vacant properties is just about to be debated in the chamber. The motion notes that "some 36,000 homes lie empty across Northern Ireland". "Northern Ireland"? Surely Fra means there are such homes dotted here, there and everywhere.
Is there some kind of special bond between Jose Mourinho and the North Down MP, Lady Sylvia Hermon?
The Chelsea manager is the "Special One". She is the special One Woman Ulster Unionist Commons team.
Jose has lost a dog. She has just asked the Secretary of State to tell her "how many dogs were reported stolen in each police district command unit area in Northern Ireland in (a) each of the past 12 months and (b) each of the previous three years, broken down by breed; how many of the dogs were recovered; how many people have been prosecuted for this crime over the same period; and what sentence was imposed in each case where no legal proceedings are outstanding."
And the answer? Unfortunately the police say the information can be obtained only at "disproportionate cost".
The assembly is debating a series of property related motions on Monday. Should anyone in the Public Gallery be considering moving they could guage the current state of the Northern Ireland property market by glancing at a recent Commons Written Answer in which the NIO lists the market value of its 29 buildings.
Fancy moving into Hillsborough Castle? It's yours for a mere Β£81,767,925. Beyond your budget - why not try Maryfield in North Down, once the scene of loyalist protests against the Anglo Irish Agreement. It's only Β£3,264,509.
Chatting over lunch the other today, a Westminster politician mused about the possibility of a future parliament, which is either hung or controlled by a party with a very slim majority. In such a scenario, wondered my contact, could the parties associated with devolved governments in Belfast, Edinburgh and Cardiff gang up on London to push for more powers, lower regional tax rates and so on?
Then today we have Ian Paisley's account of his congratulatory telephone call to Alex Salmond. Our First Minister pays tribute to his counterpart in Scotland as a clever man who pulled off a political "miracle". "There are things Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have in common" continues Dr Paisley "that if we go to the British Government in harness, we will get more out of them".
Add the DUP, SNP and Plaid Cymru Westminster teams together and you get 18 - a voting bloc not to be sniffed at. But if they play that game will they add to the numbers of English MPs, like a Tory I heard on Radio 5 yesterday, calling for non-English MPs to be excluded from votes on English issues and for the financial settlement underpinned by the "Barnett formula" to be re-written?
I've been a Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ Northern Ireland reporter since the mid 1980s, and have covered all the twists and turns of the peace process. In 1999 I moved to New York where I was United Nations correspondent, before returning to Northern Ireland to take over as political editor.
I started blogging during the March Northern Ireland Assembly elections (you can read the archives here). But as the DUP-Sinn Fein deal on restoring Stormont began to take shape, it seemed a good idea to keep my political stream of consciousness going. So the Devenport Diaries were born.
I'm looking forward to highlighting the offbeat, unusual goings on around our restored Assembly, and to reading your comments on what's going on.
I've written two books - Man of War, Man of Peace (a biography of Gerry Adams), and Flash Frames (a collection of anecdotes about reporting in Belfast). Like JR Hartley in the old TV advert, I never see these manuscripts in the bookstores anymore. Let me know if there is a rare sighting!
I'm 