ΒιΆΉΤΌΕΔ

I can't be the only one to be fed up with the use of Brian Cox's grinning mug to illustrate anything remotely to do with science in the media? He's been staring out at me pretty much everytime I go to the ΒιΆΉΤΌΕΔ pages or Guardian homepage lately.
Jenny, Manchester

Isn't on the evils of feminism an April Fools?
John, Manchester, England

I've been staring at for 10 minutes, just trying to see the resemblance. I've looked at it frontways, sideways, upside-down, in the mirror... and it's still just not happening!

Oooh, hang on, I've spotted the 'tache! I'm sure all will become clear from here on out. Or not...
Jaci, London Colney

I refuse to comment on any stories today in case I didn't spot the April Fool.
Graham, Hayle

Regarding this story, if only he hadn't been sacked, by now he could've been claiming on cell 536b as his second home...
Fi, Gloucestershire, UK

Er, that story about RAF Lossiemouth being considered as a spaceport? It's not a prank. We've reported on it on
Stuart Nathan, London

If we were able to Like/+1 the addition of a Like/+1 button on the Monitor's pages I'd Like/+1 it.
Paul I, St. G, Cornwall

I was curious to read that '..adult industry actors ... often perform under pseudonyms to shield friends, family and future employers from their careers.' Do they understand that people will still recognise them, even if they use a different name...?
Sue, London

In this story, "He is due to marry long-term girlfriend Kate Middleton. The demands of the job and the skills involved were immediately apparent to Prince William on assuming duty, he said." I think many men will sympathise with that feeling.
Rick P, Cambridge, UK

Hello! ...
Mark Williamson, Loughton, Essex

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1. When Prince Albert - the future George VI of The King's Speech fame - wanted to marry Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon (aka the Queen Mum), she only said yes on his third proposal.
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2. Their wedding breakfast comprised of dishes named in their honour - a royal tradition continued into the 1980s.
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3. The average person only uses 20,000 words, with another 40,000 in reserve.
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4. One in six people live in India.

5. Dark birds are healthier.

6. Sleep affects weight.
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7. The first Eddie Stobart truck was called Twiggy.
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8. The T. rex had a cousin.

9. More than 100,000 Americans lied about their age in the 1970 census.
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10. The numbers attending huge street protests are estimated using the size of the streets involved.
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Seen 10 things?

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The competition is now closed.

This week it's a farmer and his sheep in London to launch the new English Countryside chapter of the online farming game, Farmville.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. Fi-Glos
Baaabs and Cuthbert found themselves redundant following the new Midsomer Murders positive discrimination drive...

5. Tremorman
One single and one return to the abbatoir please

4. SkarloeyLine
"Them Londoners, they'll fleece anyone."

3. bradmer
Midnight Cowboy 2 - midday farmboy

2. Flora Brecon
As usual, computer games programmers seemed to have little idea what the English Countryside looked like

1. GovernmentBoffin
Are you SURE this is the way to Shepherds Bush?

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

It's 1 April - a potentially discombobulating day to read the papers, but always a rewarding one if you are alert to the prospect of Fools Day hoaxes.

Elsewhere, the Magazine has, as ever, provided a handy guide to those stories which, bizarre as they might appear, are in fact true.

But here Paper Monitor delves into the best prank reports of the day:

• The Sun informs us that to keep them and happy in zoos. None other than wildlife expert Terry Nutkins is drafted in to inform us that the story demonstrates the high intelligence of primates.
• According to the Times, RAF Lossiemouth is about to become
• A for "pensioners who want to opt for tomething a little more speedy than the traditional four-footed frame" is about to be launched, reports the Daily Express.
• On page three of the Independent is the story that Portugal is preparing to to help pay off its national debt - although david Cameron is drawing up a counter-offer to make him an English player.
• Daily Mirror reporter Flora Olip reveals exclusively that the government is planning to - with Lake District residents facing the steepest charges and London, Manchester and Birmingham earning rebates.
• Another scoop comes courtesy of the Daily Telegraph. It has obtained a Labour party memo drawn up by aide Flora Lopi - doesn't that name sound familiar? - who is urging members to hold to celebrate the wedding of Ed Miliband and Justine Thornton.
• And last, but by no means least, is the leader in the Guardian - long noted for its republican line, but now apparently and hailing the forthcoming royal wedding. The paper announces that it will be "recalling correspondents from some less newsworthy parts of the globe, such as north Africa and south-east Asia", to cover the event. It also announces a devoted to the subject which, for some reason, grinds to a halt just before midday.

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

Al-Jazeera's readers are catching up on an argument that . The article argues that 1980s films have influenced recent foreign policy regarding Libya:

"Lybian terrorists in Back To The Future and a bad-guy professional wrestling star named The Iron Sheikh helped prepare the American people for the role we've played in the Arab world over the past decade."

A popular story with Guardian readers looks at . This comes after the trial of a vegan couple charged with "neglect or food deprivation" after the death of their baby daughter. The article asserts that the fact that Sergine and Joel Le Moaligou fed the child only breast milk during her short 11-month life, and treated her bronchitis with cabbage and clay poultices, would suggest their parenting skills were more to blame than their eating habits. It adds that evidence presented to the court made a direct link between baby Louise's death and her parents' diet. The article explains the child was underweight and suffering severe vitamin deficiencies, making her susceptible to the bronchial infection that killed her - deficiencies possibly linked to the mother's diet, according to the deputy state prosecutor.

Time's most read article highlights a . The difference of opinion is about what is the most morally acceptable way of producing food. All sides in the movement seem to be in agreement that factory farming is unethical but the divergence comes in at whether that means all meat eating is unethical or whether it depends on how the animals lived and died.

In the New York Times' most read article . Mr Bittman says he stopped eating on Monday and joined around 4,000 other people in a fast to call attention to Congressional budget proposals that he says would make huge cuts in programmes for the poor and hungry. In the House budget bill there are proposed cuts in the WIC program - which supports women, infants and children in international food and health aid. Mr Bittman says 18 million people would be immediately cut off from a much-needed food stream, and four million would lose access to anti-malarial medicine.

Proving popular with Slate's readers is an article asking if . The article says the cumbersome and slow production of drawings and reports in the days before computer tools required extensive preparation. Hurried changes were difficult if not impossible. This required tremendous discipline and rigour of thought.

The fierce productivity of the computer carries a price - more time at the keyboard, less time thinking. Italian architect Renzo Piano said in an interview last year that the bad thing about computers is that they make everything run very fast: "So fast that you can have a baby in nine weeks instead of nine months. But you still need nine months, not nine weeks, to make a baby."

The story argues this is not a question of turning back the clock but of slowing it down and recognising that rigour of thought is as much a part of design as making shapes.

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"And when all they can hear is silence the passengers will know they're in space". Can you hear silence? I'd imagine they would be hearing a lot of whoops and hoorays and wows from their fellow passengers.
Martin, Bristol, UK

Why the article connecting Fabio Capello's vocab and writing something meaningful using just 100 words? Has there ever been a correlation between the two?
Liz, Poole

I'm pretty sure I remember seeing a house that looked like former Prime Minister John Major somewhere in South West London. Perhaps somewhere just off the Kingston bypass? I really wish I could remember where it was.
Michael Hall, Croydon, UK

Re: Paper Monitor and "here comes yet another bride". Now if someone could pursuade my partner of nine years and the father of my child with whom I live. Hedoesn't want to marry me.
Anita Edmunds

What "other marriage scheduled for this spring"?
Rob Mimpriss, Bangor, Wales

Toby (Wednesday's letters), maybe it's because those who reach 85 are really happy to still be alive?
Libby, Coleford, Somerset

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Hang out the bunting, crack open the champagne, start looking for a new hat - there's a new wedding on the horizon.

OK, so the impending nuptials of Labour leader Ed Miliband and Justine Thornton may not have quite the same allure as that of another marriage scheduled for this Spring.

But Paper Monitor wishes to send a telegram of congratulations - not to the happy couple themselves, who have expressed their desire for a low-key ceremony, but to the Doncaster Free Press, which covers Mr Miliband's South Yorkshire constituency and

Today the DFP's London-based rivals follow in its wake. The Sun, tongue deeply embedded in cheek, has prepared a range of Miliband wedding collectibles (tea towel, mug, ashtray) to mark the occasion.

Like other papers, it makes much of the fact that, while Miliband was appointed best man at the marriage of his brother and erstwhile leadership rival David, Ed has not returned the favour.

Meanwhile, the Daily Mail channels the spirit of its late columnist Lynda Lee-Potter and peers through its net curtains to sniff haughtily at the civil ceremony.

The wedding will be held at Langer Hall near Nottingham, which advertises itself as a , but which the Mail describes as

The Guardian's Zoe Williams is more generous, dismissing suggestions that the marriage is a political ploy to appease critics of the couple's unwed status. Instead she

Miliband is notoriously counter-suggestible. He only went to the because all his advisers told him not to. Come on, he was speaking fourth. In line-up terms, that makes him Mumford & Sons. At the precise moment that the pressure abates, and even the most rule-bound adviser is saying: "Well, you can't get married now. It looks like an afterthought" - that's when he wants to get married.

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

according to Adelaide Now's most popular story. The article says she decided to break the surname into two words - "gill" and "lard" - so she could pronounce it properly when they met for a walk along Melbourne's Yarra River during December's visit. The piece replays a scene from Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes where Ms Winfrey talks to herself:

"Think of 'lard'. Think of Lard. Gill-Lard"

"Gills and the fish and lard?

"OK, good."

", because you will almost certainly get away with it," a UN official is reported to have said in the New Yorker's most read story. The article tells the story of commercial lawyer Rodrigo Rosenberg who predicted rightly that he would be murdered. Born into Guatemala's oligarchy, Mr Rosenberg had frequently expressed despair over the violence that consumed Guatemala, the third most murderous country in the world. So when his mistress's father was murdered in a drive-by shooting he warned people that he would probably be framed.

The Telegraph's most read story tells of an "ungentlemanly exchange" where a city . The story explains Sebastian Marsh said Jenni Palmer was "a looker to say the least" and asked in an email whether he could "have a go". In reply, Mr Fildes described his ex in derogatory terms and claimed that she had "messed" him around. However, he added: "Feel free to pursue, yes, she is HOT!" The story explains Mr Fildes then accidentally copied Miss Palmer into the conversation while passing on her email address.

is the Daily Mail's most read story. The article says Aisha Gaddafi has become known as the "Claudia Schiffer of North Africa" for her love of designer clothes and career as a lawyer which saw her work for Saddam Hussein. But the Mail reports she has been pictured in Tripoli waving the leader's green flag and untypically dressed in a veil.

Proving popular with Boston Globe readers is a story about an . The application allows users to browse the anatomy of a female body. Originally set up as a demonstration, Google say it has proved useful for teaching and have introduced a male equivalent.

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I would be amazed if he had written it after he had died!
Gary McEwan-Dibbins, Walsall UK

Commence the celebrations at Paper Monitor Towers - Watch is back!
Bernard, Victoria

Is it time to reinstate ?
Helen, Nelson, New Zealand

Ah yes, Richard, Bangledancer and Sue (Tuesday's Letters), but see how cunningly they have been baiting the ground for the past three months.
AK, London, UK

First we had "Boy George returns Christ icon to Cyprus church". Now, apparently "Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics". I'm waiting for "Lily Allen finds piece of the true cross".
HB, London

Ross (Tuesday's Letters): If we're (on average) dead at 80, and happiest at 85, perhaps that's just because the grumpy folk who died early no longer bring the average down?
Toby Speight, Scotland

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Famous faces sell newspapers. But there's one thing people like even more, it's when a famous face - usually a dead one - makes an appearances in a very unusual way, like on a piece of toast, in a tomato or on a plank of wood. It's a whole genre in itself and is largely dominated by religious food sightings.

Over the years we've had the face of Jesus in a tortilla, the Virgin Mary pictured in a watermelon and on a grilled-cheese sandwich. There's even been a pretzel which resembles her holding the baby Jesus. The name of Allah has been found written on a piece of beef and in an aubergine, while a potato shaped like the Hindu deity Ganesha was also discovered.

But sighting aren't exclusive to comestibles. The image of Jesus Christ is also said to have been found on a three-foot plank of wood bought from a London hardware store and the duster of a cleaning lady at Leeds City Council.

But today the Daily Mail and the Sun are breaking what Paper Monitor believes is very exciting new ground - house lookalikes. They kick off this brand new niche with the . The end-of-terrace in Port Tenant, Swansea, came to the attention of the public after Charli Dickenson, 22, posted a picture on Twitter and it was picked up by comedian Jimmy Carr. The resemblance is described as such:

The slanting roof is said to resemble the Fuhrer's slicked down, side-parted hair while the front door lintel conjures up his moustache.

Never one to miss an opportunity, the Sun headline reads: "Take the third reich and you'll find... the house that looks like Hitler."

The owner of the house that could soon be one of the most famous in the country - a pensioner apparently - is not quoted, but the neighbours aren't too impressed by the street's new found fame. At best they're baffled and at worst they're fearing an influx of sightseers. They may even need to invest in the must-have kit of celebrities who don't want to be photographed - large sunglasses and a hat.

But what has Paper Monitor most excited is that both papers are appealing for readers to send in their house lookalikes. The nation awaits with baited breath.

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Imagine you're back at school and this is your task.

Using the form below, write something interesting using only words from the list of the 100 most commonly used words in English.

The subject, inspiration and execution is entirely your choice. It could be an instruction to an England footballer or a precocious toddler thinking aloud.

The rankings of words come from the Oxford English Corpus of more than a billion written words.

Now turn over your exam papers and start.

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Re: China 'to overtake US on science' in two years - maybe, but those trains are going to have to be a whole lot bigger if they're going to catch on over here.
Chris in Paris, Paris, France

In reference to Monday's stat - 85, the age at which we're happiest: as life expectancy here in the UK is 79.9 years, does that mean Brits are happiest dead?
Ross, Norwich

So last week we didn't know the author of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Despite Ian Fleming being credited as the author on the book, the film AND the stage show? May I suggest you get someone with a degree in Media Studies to edit "10 Things" in future?
Ruaraidh Gillies, Wirral, UK

Re: Rachel from Canada (Monday's letters), I went to five primary schools in three countries and I never read Mice and Men either. I did, however, study the Tudors twice!
Kieran, Exeter

Are you now publishing stories with headlines like this solely to generate letters to the Magazine?
Richard, Epsom, UK

"Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics". Was I the only one who read this and though "oh no... what has she done now?"
Bangledancer, Lincoln, UK

Yes, we all thought the same thing.
Sue, London

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

Proving popular with Washington Post's readers is an article debunking myths about . One story, that oil companies produce less in the spring to increase the price, is discredited by the Post and explained as "chemistry, not corporate conspiracy". It says that refineries do produce less fuel in the spring but this is because the nature of butane changes from season to season. Butane, it explains, is a cheap ingredient in gasoline that boils at low temperatures. In summer, butane evaporates from gas, leaving less fuel in the tank. So, as temperatures rise, refineries replace butane with more costly ingredients.

The New Scientist's most read article imagines a world where we can start . Over the centuries, it argues, our societies have built up by accident. So, the magazine wonders how you would start from the beginning again. Surprisingly, one trap it says designers shouldn't get into is making everything too efficient. When the weather changed for the Roman Empire, what looked like efficient industry started to appear overbuilt.

The First Post's most popular article for her "a breathless, quite-literally running commentary of sit-ins, scrapes with the police and stream-of-consciousness rambles" about the weekend's protests. The article complains that although "there is no doubt her radical pose and willingness to patrol the frontline have endeared her to thousands of genuinely disaffected youth, whose future educations have been mortgaged by the coalition", to journalists "she's an adventurist who doesn't put enough distance between herself and the stories she covers".

Radio Netherlands looks back at . The Netherlands was the first country in the world to allow same sex marriage. The article reports homosexual couples still get married less than heterosexuals - only 20% of Dutch same sex couples are married compared to 80% of heterosexual couples. It puts this down to the obstacles gay men face when they want to adopt children.

The most popular story on China's Xinhuanet says celebrations were held across Tibet on Monday to commemorate the . The story says more than 3,000 people gathered in a square in front of the Potala Palace, watched the flag being raised, sang the national anthem and celebrated. The article says the anniversary marks a significant moment in the history of human rights, by ending feudal serfdom and freeing one million serfs.

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Fat, thin, a health freak or a digital cheat - which is it to be? Welcome back Britney Spears, we have missed you.

The singer is the subject of as much media attention as always in the newspapers today. But it would seem a bad Britney story still makes a better headline than a good one. For most anyway.

Newly released shots for new album Femme Fatale show her in a skimpy polka-dot outfit looking trim - or suspiciously trim if you're the Daily Mail and Daily Star. Both suspect digital enhancement, especially after a live performance on a US TV show on Monday in which she looked slightly fuller figured.

"Britney at 30, a bigger star than ever" says the Mail's headline, running a large picture of her performance in a PVC basque. It says she has been accused of trying to "" after releasing a heavily airbrushed image of herself as she prepares to release the new album.

"Brit of a cheat" is the Star's headline - a tad harsh when you think how many album covers aren't heavily airbrushed these days. That would probably be zero.

A "source" in the Star points out that she's "changed a lot since she first found fame as a teenager". The Mail kindly prints a picture of her when she was 17 to illustrate the point, and says she now has a fuller figure and "more rounded thighs". Again, a tad harsh - isn't this the case for 99% of the human race?

The Daily Mirror's Polly Hudson does cut Britney some slack:

"It's been (prepare to feel old) 13 years since Hit Me Baby One More Time, and who among us looks as good now as they did in 1998?"

But that's right after calling her .

But coming out fighting for Ms Spears and her "super new figure" is the Sun, claiming she is fitness mad and has "completely turned herself around". In fact, it says she's so healthy now, she has reportedly warned her aides that they will be sacked if they turn up to work with a hangover. There are no compare-and-contrast pictures and no whispers about airbrushing.

So chin up Britney. The red-top is right behind the new you.

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Has anyone told the BA union that striking in the incredibly competitive airline industry is a bit like punching yourself in the face. Yeah, you'll get some attention - you may even get your way; but ultimately you're only really going to hurt yourself and people will probably start to avoid you - which isn't going to help anyone.
Tom Webb, Surbiton, UK

How can I not find any nominative determinism
Susan, Newcastle

Re Quote of the Day - her parents must be so glad they spent all that money on her education..
Sue, London

I must be in the 10% of school children who never read Of Mice and Men, and I went to three schools in two countries between the ages of 11 and 18. I did, however, read Animal Farm, Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet twice. Maybe that's why?
Rachel, Manitoba, Canada

Angela Rippon is looking good for her age.
Simon Varwell, Inverness, Scotland

Was it just me who hoped that this was Wayne controlling Coleen's shopping sprees?
David Basingstoke

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

In the Guardian’s most read article . It comes after the onslaught of insults directed at 13-year-old Rebecca Black for her YouTube song Friday which has been dubbed by some as the worst pop song ever made. Mr Brooker says that Twitter is great for disseminating news, trivia and practical instructions on when and where to meet up in order to overthrow the government, but, he adds it also β€œdoubles as a hothouse in which viral outbreaks of witless bullying can be incubated and unleashed before anyone knows what's happening”. He says this is partly because it forces users to communicate in terse sentences, but mainly because it's public.

β€œMany tweeters end up performing their opinions, theatrically overstating their viewpoint to impress their friends. Just like newspaper columnists – but somehow even worse because there's no editor to keep their excesses in check or demand a basic level of wit or ability.”

The in Britain since Kate Middleton’s Mother Carole said she was on the weight-loss programme, according to the Daily Mail’s most popular story. The paper says last October Mrs Middleton said: "I’ve been doing it for four days and I’ve lost four pounds." The diet has four phases, starting with the "attack" stage in which users eat only lean protein and zero-fat dairy products for up to a week. In the second stage dieters can add non-starchy vegetables on alternate days. Fruit and starchy foods are allowed only in the final two phases.

The is proving popular with readers of the New York Times.
The article explains that around the US, law enforcement officials and educators are struggling with how to confront minors who sending sexual photos, videos or texts from their mobile phones. It says adults face a hard truth:

β€œFor teenagers, who have ready access to technology and are growing up in a culture that celebrates body flaunting, sexting is laughably easy, unremarkable and even compelling: the primary reason teenagers sext is to look cool and sexy to someone they find attractive.”

"In general, ," says Eric Ravussin, chair in diabetes and metabolism at Louisiana State University in Time’s most read article.

The article explains that the basic problem is that while it's true that exercise burns calories and that you must burn calories to lose weight, can stimulate hunger. That causes us to eat more, which in turn can negate the weight-loss benefits we just accrued.

More Intelligent Life’s readers are catching up on . The article points out that this is an age of live music trumping record sales, a field where β€œthe oldies can dominate”. The story bills the singer as the hardest working of the sixties musicians, with his string of concerts known to some as the never-ending tour. However, it suggests quality is not always paramount:

β€œ[H]e reserves the right to leave out any song. And often it’s a relief when he does, given the way he treats the songs he does play, which veers between indifference and outright sabotage.”

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

It's holiday fever in the tabloids today, as they compete for the business of hard-pressed families.

The Daily Mirror is offering a voucher that gives campers a pitch for 95p-a-night in the UK, Ireland and France.

But if you want something a bit more up-market, there are vouchers in the Sun for Β£15 holidays at parks around Europe.

Newborn baby pics abound. There is Aiden, born to 66-year-old Rod Stewart and his wife Penny Lancaster. And there's James Corden's newborn baby Max. No sign yet of Hero, Myleene Klass's baby girl.

The Mirror is fizzing with energy, thanks to two exclusive interviews.

One is with John Darwin (don't remember him? Perhaps the two words "Canoe man" will jog your memory), who returns to the beach where he faked his own death.

The other is with Coleen Nolan of ITV's daytime staple, Loose Women (and once the youngest member of chart-topping sister group The Nolans).

Nolan reflects on her decision to quit the ITV show and why she's not talking to some of her sisters.

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