Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

Why do I keep thinking they're Wenlock and Mandelson?

The 2012 Committee had saved thousands by buying an old job lot left over from the Lillehammer Opening Ceremony

One of the hazards of having blanc mange before bedtime.

The Martian invasion had begun slowly at first ...

But vat does it mean, Dr Freud?

So which one of you is Nick and which one Dave?

Each mascot was had one eye for every Gold we're going to win

The red mascot had already resigned ...

But you're supposed to be spotted...

There were three 2012 mascots - two aliens and a little schoolboy

When I designed them I wanted to capture the essence of the Further, Higher, Faster elements of the Olympics, that's why they look like speed cameras.

The mascots were called Seb & Co

Billy tried to make his way calmly to his Spiderman lunchbox.

The designer of the mascots had tried to humanise one by adding a man's arm

Welcome to the first Intergalactic Olympic Games

Take me to your Leaders!

In the popularity stakes, Wenlock clearly had the Edge

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

Wenlock had put on so much weight he was now known as Much Wenlock

Who let the blobs out?

One mascot is clearly pregnant - maybe the other was born out of Wenlock

And here we see a sneak preview of the final episode of Ashes to Ashes, at last it all begins to make sense.

Polyphemus's nephews had finally returned for revenge.

All male design team was it?

The latest Dr Who monsters didn't go down well with their target audience.

"I've got my eye on you..."

Doctor Who budget cuts start to bite.

No, I did not say we needed a mascot for the Olympic cyclops team

Young lad thinks....... Do you think he will see it coming if I slam the gate?

We're almost in, Sacha, just keep moving...

Boris Johnson has to search even farther than before to find people willing to act as school crossing patrols

Kang and Kodos' new plan to terrorise the Earth starts badly

The eyes have it.

At least it brings in a little much-needed money for Lembit Opik

Asking kids to design the Team GB uniforms for the opening ceremony was always going to be a bad idea.

Nigel was definitely going to win Show and Tell this morning.

The Coalition seeks the youth vote

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The local JobCentre finds gainful employment for two ex-MPs

Sometimes I feel like...somebody's watching me...

Don't be silly, darling, there's no such thing as little green men.

Drug pedlars find they have to be more ingenious these days to operate outside schools

The new Go-Go's were easy to trade but difficult to stick in an album.

Mam, Dad I told you wait around the corner, you are embarassing me again!

A young Lewis Hamilton quickly decided on F1. No silly mascots just fast cars and fit birds

All I said was "take us to your leader" and he walked off laughing....

The gates to the new Mandeville and Wenlock souvenir shop were opened at 9am this morning. At 15.45 they recieved their first customer.

Which one's the mascot?

You've got to be clever these days if you don't want motorists to spot the speed cameras

new voter (underwatchful eye of U.N. election observers) queues up early for next general election to avoid disappointment!

If you had gone to school like I'm doing you probably would not need to wear those silly outfits now.

New schools security patrol nicknamed i-PLOD!

And so, children, extra credit for anyone who can show the modern influence of the cyclops from Greek and later Roman mythology...

Was there any ministerial influence in the selection of mascot... or is it just total coincidence that we have two mascots. One is blue, one is orange?

The new boys from Sellafield are here

The aliens presented the new mascot for the Intergalactic Games.

"Take me to your leader....What? Oh I guess Nick Clegg will have to do then"

Having revamped the daleks to general acclaim, the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ try the same with the cybermen but with significantly less success.

Are you quite sure those were morrels in the soup?

With the collapse of the NewLabour "experiment", Tony and Gordon found their normal revenue streams drying up

Hurry, before our batteries go flat.

The new safe sex campaign was creating quite a stir.

At last, the heads of the coaltion government's policy unit are identified

Jenson Button and Michael Schumacher were beginning to think that maybe Lewis Hamilton had been less than honest about the new safety clothing for F1 drivers.

All but Frodo were fooled by Lord Sauron's new disguise.

"maybe you've seen him? Small and blue and answers to the name of 'Stitch'. No? OK, thanks anyway"

Yes, but can we get them to Wimbledon...

"We come in peace!, We come in peace!". Zapp!

Nice disguise Elvis, not bad yourself Gordon!

Yes! The blancmange are leaving the school...

They were sent to keep an eye on the pupils

Having turned state's evidence over the parliamentary expenses scandal, two former MPs enter the witness protection program to ensure they are safe from irate voters

In the exams they just ran Olympic rings around the school head boy

Schoolboy unveiled as mascot at the opening ceremony of the Neptune Olympics

New "safer sex" campaign in schools slated as too obscure.

Mr Blobby - the new generation

What did you DO Ray??? - Im sorry, I could nt help it, it just popped in there.......The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man - Who ya gonna call!!!!

Spaceman Spiff makes another daring escape from the planet zorg!

So you were the father of Heather's baby...

Winnie Mandela's coming to the Olympics shock horror, oh it's just a spelling mistake.

New Chav gear unveiled at London school, headmaster says anyone wearing it will be for the high jump.

Take us to your leader, if you've decided who that is yet...

"Don't look back in anger"...

Canteen staff concerned that children are still taking in useless fatty rubbish at lunchtimes.

Royal Ascot shows off the futuristic racing silks that go with the digital horses, but they run so fast no ones been able to catch one so we can't show you one today.

But are they flame proof?

"Remember the gaze of the old schoolyard..."

Britains take on the Japanese "Dress to Vending Machine" stalker protection clothing

Rumours got back to the mascot's that the ash cloud had grounded the Pole vault

Mandelson's drunk hemlock?

Years later, the true fallout from Eyjafjallajokul would be realised.

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Thats why Mum never buys the dream number on her lotto ticket

The Pope bans nuns from watching this years Olympics...asks Priests to avert their eyes and temptation from the orange one.

The slowest leg of the Olympic torch run.

Big Brother's 2 evil Step-Sisters showed up at the wrong ball!

Yes he does look tasty, but remember, your eye's bigger than your stomach...

I think the orange one is called Mandriblle

Olympic athletes accused of misuse of steroids, say claims have been blown out of proprtion

Slow down! If we fall, it’s hell getting back up.