Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ

Betty's colleagues were actually trying to tell her she suffered from BO

Betty would make a great MP - at least she's good at balancing figures

Britain's Got Talent features more octogenarian break dancers

Betty never could get the hang of pole dancing

After the duck house furore, Sir Peter Viggers MP is glad no-one questioned the expenses for the see-saw

The protests against the Βι¶ΉΤΌΕΔ's controversial changes to their international web pages take to the streets.

Ryanair's ultra low-cost flights didn't seem entirely viable!

Betty claims she's not all brawn - her assistants proudly display her IQ on their shirts : "Almost maximum" said Betty

Balance-a-trois.

Modern 'street-puppetry' is a little shocking for the unsuspecting participant.

Unfortunately, Betty couldn't continue with the advert, as she found all eight telephone digits too heavy

Bravissimo take their quality control seriously.

I came, I see-sawed, I conked out

Betty always wears a low-cut top to prove she isn't really an Amazon

After Betty's disastrous night in a curry-house, the two guys suddenly find themselves in the dock

Betty's internet-dating video was not a success

Betty's new taxi service was enviromentally friendly but not for the mentally unbalanced.

Betty started the act after losing out to Keira Knightley as the face of Chanel

The cannibal regretted eating all those dried apricots at lunch-time.

I wonder how I could justify this under expenses....

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They really should have done something about Betty and her belief she was an elephant, but it beat waiting for a bus.

Bet Lynch-pin

Does my fulcrum look big in this?

"Hold on tightly, lads," yelled Betty as she began her inaugural flight over Dublin

I'll never be your beast of burden, eh?

The first couple were easy enough, but the rest of the so solid crew would be a challenge.

So you're Margery Daw

Instead of whistling, the builders decide to come down from the scaffolding and get up close and personal with their lady passers by. By nailing a piece of wood to the lady's spine.

Just one final crank of the giant mechanical key and Betty's return flight to Sydney would be assured

Betty was beginning to truly despise her new personal trainers

Reactions to Ryanair's latest cost-cutting scheme have been decidedly mixed

With unemployment rising, the human equivalent of the Black and Decker Workbench was proving popular with carpenters across the land.

The urban street-scales were surprisingly accurate.

Strictly Judge Arlene Phillips was unimpressed when she discovered what the new support role would be.

When you said I'd be in your video, this is NOT what I had in mind

Two By Phwoaaarrr!!

Betty: I'm board

Ireland's first Swine Flu carrier was quickly identified and restrained.

Betty is shocked to discover that these weren't the correct bouys for her river outting.......

The threesome made a lovely Brawn cocktail

"Super Girl has really let herself go, hasn't she?"

I don't know, but she's certainly got a chip on her shoulder about it..

Break Dancer on Left: "Oooooh the Deadwood Stage is a-coming on over the hill....."

The lads dared not lose their balance. Betty had eaten the last one that fell off.

Chiropractors, you wait around all day and then two come along at once.

They were an outside bet for this year's Flugtag event.

Betty: No, I said I wanted a pair of 80DDs

Betty suddenly needed a doctor, but all her directories were torn up

It took a while but the shadow puppeteers finally got the effect of "water tank with mobile phone aerials attached".

Even with two friends insisting she "ate nothing", it was obvious the diet wasn't working.

Betty BUPA

Button couldn't wait to have a go on the new Brawn.

She'd bought the new cape and everything, but she still couldn't work out why she couldn't get off the ground..

Destruction testing at Tena Ladies.

Since Birds of a Feather ended, Pauline Quirke has been eeking out a living as the world's laziest super heroine.

She doesn't look underweight but she is under weight.

Betty's Dad had been wondering where his Charles Atlas body-building-by-post packages had been getting to

In the wake of so many financial scandals, the Chartered Institute of Accountants were now demanding a practical demonstration of graduates balancing abilities.

Lorraine Kelly proves shs'e not just a pretty face

When she applied for the job as waitress, Betty had to prove she could balance eight teas ...

The new Speaker of the House of Commons had to demonstrate a fair and balanced approach.

Australian proves they are not all as thick as planks.

AS you can see, I have two well balanced men in my life.

Okay, now tell me how to get these two jokers off my back!

The Political Correctness Brigade ruined the updating of the phrase "Dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants"

Auditions for the next Mrs Andre were well underway.

Apple's new recession proof iPod

You must be joking, I'm not going South of the river at this time of day.

Got Your Number.

Does my bum look big in this?

"All right, Stace, weight's occurring."

Stud work.

Betty showed she enjoyed a balanced diet, but the whereabouts of the rest of the breakdance crew remained a mystery...

Marjory Daw demonstrates her new piece of playground equipment.

Ok, two 80 kilogram dumbells is a doddle, bring on the guys wearing 120!!

Broke Back Mountin'

The new ride at Alton Towers was hardly white-knuckle

The only thing that worried Betty was John Prescott waiting in the wings

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The new speak your weight machine included phrases such as 'one at a time luv' and 'gerroff your breaking me back!'

None of the judges were brave enough to give anybody else first prize

It was the most entertaining thing to happen at the docks since Fred's weather map streaker.

Why am I am a strongwoman? Well, I was a lousy secretary - I got through three typewriters a day.

Unfortunately, Betty was arrested for kerb-crawling and picking up men

Aussie women! Always picking up men.

The dancers were backing Betty for the title.

Bernie Clifton's certainly updated his ostrich act well

The latest adrenalin rush hits Dublin: Wing-Walking for aerophobics

And for my next trick, I'll eat three Shredded Wheat.

Betty hoped she'd like Dublin as much as Liverpool - when she got back to her car there, somebody had fitted wheel-discs on it for her

Next time she's going to try 118 118.

Out of the four of them, only the plank had any practical value.

Backstreet Boys versus Bjork

In the wake of so many financial scandals, the Institute of Chartered Accountants were now demanding a practical demonstration of graduates balancing abilities.

Amended at the insistence of an accountant.

Guiness, for strength.

While the Wright Bros celebrated the wonders of flight, The Wrong Bros were still living up to their name...

Guinness, for strength!

Pimp my ride took a turn for the worst.