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Once upon a time, I wanted to be a princess. I wanted to wear extravagant dresses and go to balls and dance with my Prince Charming. Okay, so I still want to be one. A lot. (I wouldn't have thrown a princess party the other day otherwise, and I certainly wouldn't have been the only one to dress up). But it has to be said, with my increasing maturity and wisdom-osity (what? It's a word!) I've realised that a pair of glass slippers would absolutely wreck my feet and the thought of kissing a frog has become slightly less appealing.

Why is this relevant? You might be thinking. Well, in short, it's not really. But basically the absolute megastar Taylor Swift has just realised a totally gorgeous song and she gets to play a princess in the video for it and I am just a tad(pole) jealous.

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Pop music, as we all know, contains many hidden messages. Some are about sexy things, some are about naughty things, and some pretend to be very useful and important - and sound good in theory - but turn out to be about nothing at all.

The question is, can any of today's biggest pop hits teach us anything about the world in which we're living? Will a diet of nothing but modern music prove useful to our fact-hungry brains, or harmful?

Or, to put it simply; is pop educational?

There's only one way to find out - sieve through all of the nuggets of lyrical wisdom in the Top 10 and have a good hard look at the best ones, using a microscope. Here goes!

No.1: Lily Allen - 'The Fear'

"Life's about film stars, and less about mothers"

Not sure where this leaves film stars who are also mothers. Is life less about Angelina Jolie than it is about Vanessa Hudgens? Or does her film star status override her mother status? More information, please...

No.2: Lady Gaga - 'Just Dance'

"Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say"

That's not just something "they" say, you know. It's true. Ask a botanist. Good advice about the poison babe though. People don't need that kind of thing running around loose.

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First impressions are a funny thing. My first encounter with this song was when I heard it playing as I was browsing in a shop, and the only lyric I could make out at the time was "it ain't over 'til it's all done/listen to my conversa-shun", at which point I decided I was having absolutely none of that nonsense, thank you very much, and left. A day or so later, I was listening to the radio and a song came on that I really liked, and then the chorus rolled around, complete with the dreaded "conversa-shun" moment. Only this time, something was different - when I was paying full attention, suddenly it all made sense.

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The problem with asking me to review the new Kelly Clarkson single is that I still have many, MANY grievances over the whole 'My December' farrago. For the record, I didn't think it was as bad as everyone (mentioning no names, Clive Davis) made it out to be, but it did always feel somewhat unfinished to me. Like it would have benefited hugely from the input of a no-nonsense editor who could've tidied up the lyrics and the song structure a little bit and turned the collection of messy songs with potential into the awesome songs they could've been. 'Irvine' and 'Chivas' were amazing, of course, but they were stuck right at the end and it was a little bit late by then.

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NOTE: This one is only fair. They did release an album entitled 'How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb' after all. Should it turn out that playing a U2 album is next to useless in the event of a full nuclear attack, now we know how to get our own back AND track down some sorely-needed nutrients in a post-apocalyptic world.

Plus who could resist some delicious Edgy soldiers, eh? Num num!

How To Destroy Other People...

In Victorian times, while the debate raged as to whether Charles Darwin's theories about evolution were sacrilegious twaddle or a breakthrough in our understanding of the natural world, there was such a high level of interest in the kind of strange animals being brought back from all corners of the world that taxidermist con-men would try and make their own. They would take the body of an otter, stick a duck's beak on it, give it badger stripes, maybe a hedgehog bum or something similar, and then claim it as a new species, or an actual mermaid, that kind of thing.

(For a more modern example of this, check out the art-taxidermy of .)

In fact (and don't worry, Take That will be making an appearance soon), when Darwin returned from Australia with evidence of the duck-billed platypus, a lot of people accused him of jumping on the fake-unicorn bandwagon. And looking at the platypus, it's easy to see why.

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Making a good pop song is a bit like making a good cake: you can have all the right ingredients, but it can still go very, very wrong (and I should know: once I made the world's most amazing cake, but ruined it at the last minute by deciding to hide a pea in it for people to find. The pea melted and my friends never found it, but did comment on the cake's "earthy taste").

With new single 'You and Me', Attack! Attack! have exactly this problem. No, not the bit about the pea (I'm not sure how you'd hide a pea in a song), but that despite the fact they've got all the right bits and pieces to be the sort of cheesy emo-pop I LOVE, their new single just doesn't work for me.

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There are some industry moves that are, to be blunt, so blatantly cynical that you can't help being a bit suspicious about them. For instance the sudden profusion of Winehouse sound-a-likes following 'Back To Black' becoming the biggest thing in the universe ever a few years ago or the number of young blonde women who appeared with saucy videos about the same time as Britney and Christina or the numerous (and for the most part, irredeemably dreadful) attempts to create a "new Busted" or "new McFly."

There're trends in music, obviously, that occur naturally but sometimes you are left seriously wondering how stupid record company executives think we all are. And then there are other times when you're left wondering exactly how stupid record company executives are.

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Do you ever get the feeling life has passed you by? In a flash, it has just disappeared, without you even noticing. You wake up one damp, miserable morning realising there's so much you've missed, so much you wanted to experience. You haven't seen the Seven Wonders of the World, or gone hitchhiking round South America, or ridden an ostrich, or got drunk with an Eskimo, or stood at the peak of Mount Everest screaming: "I HAVE CONQUERED YOU, WORLD!!!!"

Ok, that's a bit deep for now, so let me rephrase my opening question: Do you ever get the feeling an awesome band has passed you by? Yes, much less dramatic. Well, that's the feeling I have with Glasvegas, especially after listening to Flowers and Football Tops.

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Here, gentle ChartBloggerers, is my interview with Harry, the drummer with the Days, a band absolutely no-one is calling 'The Devon McFly', but maybe they will start now.

I'll be honest, I've probably had more inspired moments putting questions together for an interview with an up 'n' coming band. I mean it's NICE that the the their name lends itself so well to a variety of extended puns, but it's hardly going to contribute to my Nobel Prize for literature.

There again, he did call me Fras-IER at the end, which is the kind of crime against etiquette that would have had Victorians (or the Daily Mail) calling for six of the best, in less enlightened times.

So, all in all, I'm saying it's a draw.

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Now, I've got a confession: the Pussycat Dolls have never really been on my radar. Don't get me wrong, I know that they're a global phenomenon, I know that Nicole is dating Lewis Hamilton, I know that it was 'groupies' but it sounded like 'boobies' and I even watched some of 'Search for the Next Pussycat Doll', but I've never actually taken them seriously. Well, you're not meant to, are you? Because if you are, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't writhe around half naked in every video and insist on spelling everything wrong (I mean, 'Stickwitu'? Really?).

'Watcha Think About That?' feat. Missy Elliot is no exception to the above Pussycat code of conduct and it certainly has their "sound" slapped all over it (you know the one: all busy, slick and sassy), but there is one fundamental difference with this one in my book... in that, actually, it's not bad.

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It ain't easy being Lemar. The man has the weight of the world on his shoulders and as Fraser proved last week, he is seriously suffering for his art... If he doesn't get up from that chair soon, the fire beam he's perching on is definitely going to pierce straight through his right leg. But in releasing this single, he's not only at serious risk of losing a limb; he's also at serious risk of losing some fans.

Back in the day (2002) I was one of Lemar's biggest fans, and have since argued he is the finest natural vocal talent to have been produced from a reality TV programme.* What I first liked about Lemar was that he wrote his own music and didn't take himself too seriously. His first two albums rocked, in an R'N'B way, but recently it feels like he hasn't been putting any effort into the production of his new material and has got all heavy and sentimental.

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Well, this is going to be tricky: in light of recent events, it would seem prudent to avoid talking about Chris Brown where possible, but then I go and pick a song for review that sounds uncannily similar to 'With You'. Seriously: have a listen, and then try to tell me that you didn't have an urge to sing "and there's hearts all over the world tonight" after the first two lines. I know I did.

Of course, that sense of similarity isn't an automatic black mark against the song, mind - half of the art of pop music is using the familiar to your advantage. Just ask Simon Cowell. The problem would be if the song hadn't capitalised on the initial interest by developing into a compelling tune in its own right - which is, thankfully, something that was averted here.

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Taylor Swift is seriously hot news right now. Like, seriously. Already an absolute MEGASTAR in the USA (she broke records by having two different albums in the Top 10 on the year end album chart), Taylor's had cameos in CSI and Hannah Montana, been linked to Joe Jonas (of Jo Bro fame), is best buds with a certain Miss Miley Cyrus and, if all that's not enough, she's about to take the UK completely by storm.

I had the pleasure of chatting to Taylor about all sorts of Absolutely Essential things, such as Grey's Anatomy, trivia quizzes, ukuleles and favourite jokes. So read on, read on... because in a few months time, this is the stuff you'll be dying to know about the world's biggest star.

Maybe.

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Miley Cyrus is very famous. Very, very famous. Adored by pre-teens, loathed by hipsters, she's the star of Hannah Montana and, thanks to one very, very brilliant song on her last album, a pop star in her own right. She's also of course famous for exposing - dear Lord - her BACK on a magazine cover (I don't know about you, everyone but I've never seen anyone's back before so I was very shocked by all that) and having her phone hacked to discover that, like many teenage girls, she hugs her friends (again I was very shocked by this because I have never hugged anyone; my life is so hard) and recently because she may not have the most fantastic sense of tact regarding racial issues. Which actually was quite shocking.

The point is, though, that Miley is the centre of a media maelstrom comparable to that which surrounds Britney Spears. In fact, South Park viewers may remember the Britney-centric episode last season in which, following Britney's sacrificial death at the hands of paparazzi, they turned on Miley Cyrus; it seemed a poignant note in a surprisingly sympathetic and genuinely sad episode when I watched it... Until the next day when the gossip blogs reported that the photographers that used to stalk Britney had begun following Miley, with only a minimal 'guard' left around the older starlet, when it just made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

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I can only imagine that if you were to look up the word 'restraint' in U2's dic...sorry, rocktionary, it would direct you to the gaps in between their songs (and possibly to Adam's fluffy handcuff collection*). It's certainly in short supply in their actual music.

Normally, this tendency to over-emphasise everything is balanced out by a song which clearly states what it is that the band are yelling about, and then allows you to make your mind up as to whether this yelling is something you would like to hear more or less of. That's the U2 way.

Sadly, having put together a LOT of yelling for their latest comeback hit, the band seem to have forgotten to bring that song along, leaving us with 3-and-a-half minutes of the musical equivalent of being repeatedly prodded for attention by a small child with very sharp nails.

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For a while now, I've believed I could be best friends with Britney. And I'm not just saying that because she is my all time favourite pop sensation ever (she is) and I'd give my right arm to meet her (I would), but because I think I'd be a Really Very Good influence on her.

I've got it all figured out: we'd drink frappuccinos two at a time, gossip about which paparazzi is fittest, do interviews with me going "a lot of people don't see the zany side of Britney", and then, after we've had our fun, I'd get down to business and convince her to release more songs like '...Baby, One More Time'. And BAM! Just like that I'd be the best friend ever to exist and single-handedly responsible for reviving Britney's career as a dazzling songstress.

Now she's released 'Circus' though, I'm wondering if I'd be a bit redundant. 'Circus' is Britney's 23rd single (yes, 23rd!) and, while it's certainly no '...Baby One More Time', it is good. Very good. In fact, it's much better than anything we've seen from her in a long time (including 'Womanizer' which, though it's a grower, is a bit of a non-song really) and for the first time in two years makes me question if she really needs me in her life. Yikes!

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Ladies, if you have managed to tear your eyes away from the immense physical hotness of this man, and are now reading these words - don't let yourself stray back to the picture just yet, you'll lose your place - here is some important information.

He is, of course, Tyson Ritter from the All-American Rejects, a band who've been with us a while, and whose new album 'When The World Comes Down' is out next week. They are also supplying music for the latest Rock Band, which must be an interesting sitatuation for a relatively established band to be in.

The question is, will adding their songs to a computer game be the making of their new album, or will people be sick of the music before they even think about buying it?

So, to find out whether Tyson is down with the gamerz or one of the Rock Band haterz, I gave him a ring.

Here's what happened:

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It's quite hard to think harsh things about the Killers, even though Brandon Flowers is clearly the proud owner of an ego big enough to orbit that of Kanye West, in much the same way that the Moon goes around the Earth. They might be cocky, they might be pompous, they might make pretty much the same song over and over again, and then dress in different clothes to try and confuse people, but you have to admire the fact that they try SO hard.

People in bands do tend to go on about how tough it is to be a professional musician, and, to be fair, it probably is very hard on the nerves. The 20-hour shifts, the fact that you can't ever have a bad hair day, the constant need to be on your best behaviour in case the media get hold of you throwing a tantrum about nothing (why, hello Christian Bale, I didn't see you there), and the constant fear that your latest song ideas are not going to go over well with your fans.

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Before I talk about the song, let me start off by clarifying something: Alesha Dixon is officially the nicest pop star in the whole entire world, ever. We're not talking Nice biscuits nice (because everyone knows they're decidedly average), we're talking the sort of nice that makes boys want to marry her and girls want to be BFF with her. I've had the pleasure of sharing a cake with her (well... we had one each, at opposite sides of the room) and of asking her to tell me her favourite joke (it's "why is six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine"), so I am most definitely a Very Reliable Source.

So, now you know how lovely she is, I don't feel bad about telling you just how utterly terrible her new single is.

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This is the cover art for 'Weight Of The World', the new single from Lemar, which is out on March 9th. It's kind of thought-provoking as a picture, isn't it?

The expression on his face is quite hard to read. He looks calm, but a little uncomfortable. Entirely focussed on the job in hand, but with a tiny hint of disquiet in his eyes, as if he is trying to maintain his composure while an unpleasant sensation is working its way across part of his body.

See if you can guess which part of his body is becoming uncomfortable, go on...

According to their press release, "Innerpartysystem are bringing their unique amalgamation of rock and dance elements to the UK". Which begs a couple of questions, namely: Unique, eh? Rock and dance, eh?

Kids, kids, I think there is some lying going on here. And I don't just mean the standard sort of lying press releases always engage in (like "this album is good" and "this band are interesting") I mean something much more widespread and disturbing. There's been what you might call a paradigm shift in what we call that sort of music which has rock and dance elements and gets all political occasionally with a fatalistic sort of sense that THE MAN is out there and he's going to get you.

You see, back at some point in the late last century a set of people - almost certainly Germans - invented a wonderful (and often hilarious) musical genre which sustained myself and many others throughout years of teenage gothery. A genre so wonderful (and often hilarious) that many people apparently now shrink back from associating their band with it in case they look bad against the true greats of the past.

Err, at least, I assume that's it because surely otherwise no one could possibly be at all embarassed to call themselves industrial, right? Right?

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This is Coldplay performing their new single 'Life In Technicolor II' on the Top of the Pops Christmas special, a few weeks back. It's quite nice, particularly if you like your bands to yelp encouragement to each other while they perform.

Actually, this is something I definitely DO like, but today is not a day to be nice to Coldplay.

No, today is a day to say "NAUGHTY COLDPLAY! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UPON THIS HOUSE, COLDPLAY. NOW GET UP TO YOUR ROOM, AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, COLDPLAY!"

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On this week's Radio 1 Chart Show, Fearne and Reggie had some quality time with Tommy Reilly - the winner of Channel 4's T4 Unsigned Band TV talent show - and Lily Allen.

That's right, Lily Allen! The same Lily Allen who appears to have some kind of single out. A single she would probably like us all to buy.

Maybe she should have told someone, and tried to get on a couple of TV shows or something. Done a few interviews, met the press, that kind of thing. I mean, without this kind of valuable exposure, people might not realise she is back, and that would never do.

Only kidding, she has clearly done enough - a No.1 hit single, no less - and should maybe consider a snooze. Still, it's no wonder that when she spoke to Fearne and Reggie on this week's chart show, the first answer she gave to the question "what do you normally get up to on a Sunday?"was "work".

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I've always thought that parentheses in song titles should be used with extreme caution, because they have a nasty habit of either changing the meaning of your song or rendering it utterly nonsensical. When I first heard about this song, months ago before I'd actually heard it, it fell prey to the first one: "what the heck?*" I spluttered. "So BeyoncΓ© thinks all single ladies should put a ring on it, does she? That the only good woman is a married woman? Is feminism a dirty word to you, Knowles? EH?"

Of course, when I finally got to listen to the song, I realised that the two sections of the song inexpertly bolted together in the title are entirely separate and don't actually have any bearing on each other, meaning that the Yonce is not actually a traitor to the feminist cause, at least not in this instance. Phew!

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