Is there a shortage of cover versions of songs by The Monkees ? A quick
search using my brain, rather than a search engine, can only throw up
(ho!ho!) the Sex Pistols doing '(I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone.' Maybe
other punk bands heard that and decided not to compete. I remember
seeing the Purple Hearts during the Mod Spring of 1979 and they attempted the same song. Apart from that, nothing. Apart from
the Sex Pistols tonight, a lot. The Chefs, with Helen McCookerybook and
"24 Hours" and Scissor Fits 'I Don't Want To Work For British Airways".
It's from 1979. Contemporary enough for you ?
Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated
Chefs - 24 Hours
Eater - Public Toys
Wreckless Eric - Veronica
Dead Kennedys - In Sight
BowWowWow - Louis Quatorze
Sex Pistols - Steppin' Stone
X Ray Spex - The Day The World Turned Day Glo
Half Man Half Biscuit - 1966 And All That
Scissor Fits - I Don't Want To Work For British Airways
The Remains - You Got A Hard Time Comin'
Billy Bragg - Between The Wars
That Petrol Emotion - Belly Bugs
Count Bishops - Train Train
Scritti Politti - The Sweetest Girl
I see that are to ask the audience about their new LP. Not ask as in 'So , what did you think of it ?' but more like 'Which song should we include, this one ..... or this one?' Like asking advice on what tie to wear in the morning. They're using focus groups to also decide on such matters as the colour of their plastic flower pot hats, what colour uniforms they should wear on stage, and the instrumentation on their records. In order of importance, obviously.
Devo, who brought us such toe tappers as "Jocko Homo" and "Mongoloid" were first in the street to portray their band as a corporate entity, going as far as recording the 'Devo Corporate Anthem'. So the focus groups are an extension of the joke. But it does raise the prospect of a band trying to judge what the audience wants. Such a ridiculous notion.
Come back and tell us when it's finished, then we'll tell you if it's any good. You're supposed to know.
Of course, no band knows if what they're doing is any good. You kind of hope it is, while you're in the process of writing the songs, playing them before a microphone, and being really careful about mixing them down into something resembling a real record. Then hope that the response from whoever hears it isn't so bad that it causes you to cry and run home.
One of the cliches of band interviews, especially those bands who don't realise that they're cliches, is the statement 'We just do what we like to do, and hope that other people like it'. A cliche, but , for once, an admirable one. If they don't like it, they can start their own band.
I remember Charles Shaar Murray in the NME
writing about the growth of one off punk singles in 1977. Form a band,
write a song, put the record out on your own label. As an imaginary
example, he used 'I'm A Berk' by The Berks on Berk Records. I'm not
sure if anyone ever borrowed those names for an actual single but The
Angelic Upstarts lean in that direction.
Using the same naming formula would throw up the following;
'I'm
A Member' by The Members, 'I'm A Raincoat' by The Raincoats and , well,
that's as far as it goes without losing the goodwill and patience of
the audience.
The Diagram Brothers record's good , though. Why, they're all good
tonight.
Angelic Upstarts - I'm An Upstart
The Nightingales - Elvis, The Last Ten Days
The Members - Sound Of The Suburbs
Big Flame - Why Popstars Can't Dance
The Diagram Brothers - My Dinner
Siouxsie & The Banshees - Happy House (demo)
New York Dolls - Subway Train
The Raincoats - Fairytale In The Supermarket
Ian Dury - Billericay Dickie
The Damned - Love Song
Talking Heads - Dont Worry About The Government
B52s - Planet Claire
The Trademarks - Magic In Her Eyes
A casual flick through the Playhouse's new programme for Spring reveals
that a bluegrass duo called Uncle Monk will be performing in Derry on
7th May. Some people reading this may think 'Ha, at last, he's run out
of things to say about punk rock and has now strayed into Americana in
an affectation of rootsiness'. Or, if you're smart , you'll know that
Uncle Monk's mandolin player is Tommy Ramone. Smarter than I am,
anyway. The thought of a genuine Ramone setting foot in Derry has
caused a generation of fans to start booking babysitters in advance.
Last week I was a bit offhand about Ramones drummer Marky, who joined
the band after their third LP Rocket to Russia in 1977. He replaced
Tommy, who seems to have been the brains behind the Ramones. No cheap
shots , please. We're talking about the band that took rock and roll
into a garage, stripped off the rust, pumped up the tyres,Μύ tuned the
engine and sent it back out with a new sense of humour. Tommy was
manager, producer, and eventual drummer once they realised they
couldn't get anyone else who could play that fast. He wrote Blitzkrieg
Bop. He was also the most normal of the four. Joey was had obsessive
compulsive disorder, Johnny was a right wing disciplinarian, who didn't
speak to Joey for 18 years, while Dee Dee was a heroin addict who
resented Tommy because Tommy was normal. Tommy could cook dinner.
I
met Tommy once, when he visited the Undertones dressing room in London
in 1978. I wasn't there when he came in, so returned to find the rest
of the band gathered around this softly spoken American. He wasn't
wearing sunglasses or a leather jacket (and the Undertones didn't do
proper introductions) so it took me a while to work out who he was. A
living legend. And how apt that he's now playing the BG from CBGBs.Μύ
I felt a small surge of pride during tonight's programme when I
listened to Dexys Midnight Runners 'Plan B' and finally worked out for
myself that Kevin Rowland is singing 'Pretend I'm Bill, And Lean On Me'
in one of the choruses. Which isn't bad going when you consider that
sometimes Kevin makes Vic Reeves the Club Singer sound a model of
clarity. All I need to do now is work out what the backing vocals are
on the chorus. Since its release I've been singing 'Short Sharp Shock'
but I'm having my doubts.
Dexys Midnight Runners - Plan B
Stranglers - 5 Minutes
Hard Ons - Girl In The Sweater
Madness - Grey Day
Pere Ubu - On The Surface
Flamin Groovies - It Won't Be Wrong
Nips - Private Eye
Swell Maps - Whatever Happens Next
John Cooper Clarke - Beasley Street
Rudi - The Pressure's On
Barracudas - His Last Summer
Pop Rivets - Fun In The UK
Reptile Ranch - Don't Give The Lifeguard A Second Chance
Velvet Underground - Sweet Jane
Μύ
Μύ I read an
yesterday and had to keep reminding myself 'journalists make mistakes,
journalists make mistakes'. By doing so I am giving the benefit of the
doubt to the fifth Ramone, who comes across as someone re-writing the
history of the fab four. Describing "I Wanna Be Sedated" as their most
famous song isn't the worst crime in the world, but remember that
sometimes young people read these articles and we don't want to put
ideas into their heads. Not the idea that sedating is a proper leisure
activity, but the idea that 'Blitzkreig Bop' or 'Sheena Is A Punk
Rocker' are less well known than "I Wanna Be Sedated". Such things
matter. ΜύI am not suggesting that Marky, who replaced the original
drummer Tommy after their third LP, was trying to put forward the idea
that the Ramones were better when he joined them but someone described "Road To Ruin", the first LP on which he was the drummer, as 'the breakthrough album'.
Let me not get bogged down in such trivial matters, though. The most
interesting point about the article was the attempt to pin down the
beginning of punk. Not the beginnings, plural, but the one defining
moment.
Marky says Punk began with the Ramones. The Ramones began in 1974. Therefore punk began in 1974.
Why ? Because they were the first to play all punk songs. Not "all" as
in every punk song ever written, but "all" as in that's all they
played. No slow songs, no ballads, nothing to interrupt a list of
fast and funny songs.
"There weren't any bands playing like that, ever" says Marky.
Too right. We shall never hear the likes of them again. Unless you put on a record, of course.
The sound of a Saints song at the start of the show not only give us some useful alliteration but also clears the pores, sinuses and ears in readiness for the rest. Due recognition is also given to 'Remote Control' by The Clash, which was a perfectly good song on side one of their first LP, minding its own business, when it was plucked from obscurity by someone at the record company, CBS to be the band's new single in May 1977. What followed was punk rock legend. The Clash had wanted 'Janie Jones' to be the second single from the LP, and when they didn't get their way they wrote 'Complete Control'. Huff as an inspiration for art is an area still to be fully explored. The resulting single was not only better than both 'Janie Jones' and 'Remote Control' but is the first in their trilogy of singles which have never been bettered by friend, foe, fish or fowl.
The Saints - Erotic Neurotic
The Clash - Remote Control
The Beat - Click Click
UK Subs - Lady Esquire
The Fall - C.R.E.E.P.
REM - Sitting Still
Art Objects - Showing Off To Impress The Girls
The Mumps - Anyone But You
? & The Mysterians - Girl (You Captivate Me)
The Slits - Instant Hit
Radiators From Space - Enemies
Visitors - Moth
Julian Cope - Reynard The Fox
Rich Kids - Ghosts Of Princes In Towers
Real Kids - She's Alright
Patti Smith has a new book out, detailing her relationship with the
photographer Robert Mapplethorpe in the New York of the 1970s. I read
about it in the Guardian but, having the attention span of an easily
distracted goldfish, I didn't get to the end of the article.
Mapplethorpe Schmapplethorope. I wanted to know more about her records.
To be honest, only the one LP, 'Horses'. And to be brutally honest,
only two songs from it. 'Land' and 'Gloria'.
I made the mistake of buying three of her early LPs and can't hardly
find a decent punk rock tune anywhere. Yes, I know I'm missing the
point, and I'm sure she's lying awake at night worried about my opinion
of her music, but I can say that I know someone who did make an
impression on her. Not a very good impression, unfortunately.
She was appearing at the Art College in Belfast a few years ago - not
sure of the actual date but I'm sure it was this century. An acoustic
show, which could have been an artistic decision or a financial
decision, I'm not sure. I went in the company of a good friend, who I
shall call Paul. He hadn't been out of the house in days and possibly
got over excited at the prospect of seeing a New York music legend live
in his home town. He also got drunk. The venue wasn't that large,
neither was the crowd, so we managed to get a spot about three or four
rows from the front. Paul clapped loudly. He whistled. He cheered. We
all did. But Paul started to suggest songs. Loudly. I knew Patti heard
him, because she started to give odd looks in our direction. By now,
Paul was dancing dangerously as well. I positioned myself close behind
him.
"Gloria!"
It was the tenth time of suggestion from Paul. Patti wasn't amused.
Patti started to make comments about a certain person in the hallway,
who was certainly not 'drinking a glass of tea'. Patti looked at Paul.
Paul didn't run.
To stop ourselves being thrown out, I ended up with my hand over Paul's
mouth, only allowing him to breathe, and , stupidly, to take more swigs
from his beer. Suddenly...... we get the feeling .......we're
surrounded by ......not horses, but Patti Smith fans who don't share
Paul's fascination with shouting at the stage.
Then, without any great ceremony, Paul went home. Leaving Patti and her
guitarist still on stage, untroubled by any further attempts to change
the set list. And when Paul went, so did my interest in the rest of the
show.Μύ Of course, when she comes up in conversation I say 'yes, of
course I saw Patti Smith in the Art College - small crowd, but what a
great night!'
